Conversation Dating and Relationships
Helper icon  Helpers: Chris2mates PrincessFruitBat

About us

Midsummer's Eve is a free online dating community - based around friendship, real meetups, real people, and real relationships. We've been online since 1999 and have twice won Radio 2's Web Site of the Day award. So why not join us for free and join in the discussion?

I only realised I'd been catfished when I flew to Singapore and my girlfriend wasn't there.

Vexatious_Victor
Vexatious_Victor Male
3 months ago
In lockdown, I turned 39 and reluctantly signed up for multiple dating apps as I had given everything else a go.

Basically, I didn’t want to be single when I turned 40 – for the eighth year in a row.

I kept being encouraged by friends to use Plenty of Fish, and Tinder – as well as Asian Date (an app specifically for Asians) and Shaadi, which is an Asian marriage app.

All I wanted was a Sikh woman to settle down with, to get married and have kids, but I’d had enough of the dating game and was feeling quite low.

After swiping left for most women, I came across a lady who seemed perfect for me. She was from the Sikh community, didn’t drink or eat meat and seemed like she had similar interests to me. Her photo was simple and she looked nice. I’ll call her Sandi.

She did live in Singapore, which is thousands of miles away from me in the UK but I’d had my location set to ‘worldwide’ so, all things considered, I decided to swipe right.

I couldn’t wait to speak to her and messaged her instantly to ask how she was and what she’s looking for in a person. She replied, we exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone, every day.

I had been feeling vulnerable and was fed up with women in the UK, as it seemed like they just wanted to waste my time, and were very arrogant. To me, this seemed too good to be true – I thought I’d hit the jackpot.

Soon after we matched, we were messaging daily. She was gentle, kind, always making the effort to call and be there for me – she truly sounded like she would be the perfect wife.

I had never expected this when I had signed up to try dating apps but, within just a few months I was head over heels in love. I told her how I felt. She responded saying she felt the same. ................
Vexatious_Victor
Vexatious_Victor Male
3 months ago
Being someone who is quite trustworthy, I didn’t see the signs at all until it was too late.

We mainly used WhatsApp to communicate and every time I’d ask for a video call, she would make an excuse. This was usually the fact that she wasn’t able to as she lived in an extended household, and was a carer for her grandmother.

As the culture is exactly this, I wanted her to feel reassured that I understood, particularly because she told me that she’d experienced a lot of judgement from previous guys she’d spoken to. Men would ask if she was a virgin, how many guys she has dated, whether she planned to live with in-laws after getting married, and so on.

We continued to speak and, over that time, she convinced me that she’d move to the UK to live with my family. We agreed this would happen in the next year or so. She told me she needed to finish some exams first, as she was studying to be a lawyer, so she could get a job.

I told my family that I had met someone online and that I wanted to marry her. They weren’t keen as they knew nothing about her and felt that it was too rushed.

Then, one day – after we’d been messaging for two months – she asked for me to send her £5,000 to help support her with her bills.
Vexatious_Victor
Vexatious_Victor Male
3 months ago
She said she needed to pay for utilities, her phone bill, car insurance and a loan she had taken out to further her career by getting a qualification.

I didn’t suspect anything as I felt I could trust her. I was happy to help her. I could hear the stress in her voice.

Following that, a few weeks later she told me she had fallen ill with a heart condition. I panicked, worried that I might lose her and I was so scared. She needed money for hospital treatments and asked me to help. I sent her £1,000 immediately, never thinking at all that something was off with her requests.

This went on for a few months. She said she was having further tests, that they could not identify the problem and that she was in and out of hospital.

Every time she told me she had to go back into hospital, I sent her more money, hundreds each time. But, even when she was out of hospital, the requests came.

She said another family member had fallen ill who had mental health issues and was in a care home. It was always a case of something coming up that she couldn’t afford to pay for.

By this point, I had been sending her money for eight months. But I couldn’t stop myself from offering to help. This was someone who I thought was going to be my wife, so I didn’t see the red flags. I was blinded by love.

I was desperate to settle down and I had never experienced the kind nature that this woman had from other women.

In the end, I got to a point where I just wanted to see her. We met online during the pandemic, so there had always been restrictions on travel conveniently in our way. When the ban on travel lifted, I booked my flight to Singapore, due to leave in a matter of days after booking.

I felt nervous, anxious, scared and at the same time had butterflies in my stomach as I had fallen for Sandi.

She was really happy that I was coming and was excited to see me. Taking into account covid tests, the flight, and having to quarantine on arrival, it cost me around £3,000.

I set off feeling full of anticipation and excitement. When I arrived, 13 hours later, I couldn’t wait to be picked up at the airport by my future wife. All I wanted to do was run up to her, hug her, feel her warmth.

But when I came out of arrivals, I couldn’t see anyone waiting. I thought she must have got delayed, so I sent a message and called but there was no answer.

I sat down and I waited for her. One hour led to the next, and the next. And after five hours of sitting there on my own, the penny finally dropped: this person wasn’t real.

I had been catfished.
Vexatious_Victor
Vexatious_Victor Male
3 months ago
https://metro.co.uk/2022/03/20/i-realised-id-been-catfished-when-i-flew-to-singapore-and-she-wasnt-there-16274216/
MrQuiet
MrQuiet Male
3 months ago
That was a very expensive "swipe right"
Colonel_Blink
Colonel_Blink Male
3 months ago
He "swiped" her photo and she swiped his money!
capnblackbeard
capnblackbeard Male
3 months ago
for some men the thought of a bit of p* makes them do crazy things, :)
AlbertBertieBond
AlbertBertieBond Male
3 months ago
It is certainly a strong driving factor in many decisions. Mainly bad ones.
BOYDEL
BOYDEL Male
3 months ago
Sadly - the more accommodating and amenable a blind date on an online dating site seems to be at outset - the greater the likelihood that one is being "teed up" for a financial scam.

UK also has in place since July 2012 a minimum income requirement for a "UK based host" who wishes to bring in a partner/spouse from abroad - set at £18600 pa gross.

A friend of a friend fell foul of that legislation a while back - contacted/met/married a girl from Philippines - brought her back to UK at his own expense on a 6 month visitor visa (during which she was not allowed to work) and thereafter she had to return home as he was unable to boost his earnings to reach the threshold - albeit from April with new min wage £9.50 hr it would need only 37.65 hrs weekly work.
Greencare
Greencare Female
3 months ago
Whatever is said and whatever the situation you do not have to part with any money. That is an easy promise to make oneself.
BOYDEL
BOYDEL Male
3 months ago
Heart and head though may well be reading from a different page in these situations - whatever "being in love" means lol.
ToBeAdvised
ToBeAdvised Male
3 months ago
Basically, I didn’t want to be single when I turned 40 – for the eighth year in a row.


What is interesting is how one gets away with turning 40.
For 8 years in a row.
Is it down to some fountain of youth?.
NoSaint
NoSaint Female
3 months ago
It might be worth the money he spent if he discovered the fountain of youth.
HotOrWot
HotOrWot Male
3 months ago
Gents keep your hand on your wallet and ladies keep your hand on your ha'penny.
capnblackbeard
capnblackbeard Male
3 months ago
he could have found the fountain of youth for half the price in thailand ,lol
MrQuiet
MrQuiet Male
3 months ago
You don't get much for a ha'penny.
capnblackbeard
capnblackbeard Male
3 months ago
thru,penny bits are getting smaller too, lol
HotOrWot
HotOrWot Male
3 months ago
Decline of the Empire capn. LOLOL
capnblackbeard
capnblackbeard Male
3 months ago
absolutely, we are no longer the great nation we thought we were.
Greencare
Greencare Female
3 months ago
Basically, I didn’t want to be single when I turned 40 – for the eighth year in a row.


What is interesting is how one gets away with turning 40.
For 8 years in a row.
Is it down to some fountain of youth?.


Haha
HotOrWot
HotOrWot Male
3 months ago
LOLOL


 Back to top

 Help with conversations