Moving On

Why is it that some people find it so easy to move on after a break-up, or even after the death of a spouse/partner? Personally, I have always taken a fair bit of time out to heal and recover before even thinking about dating again, but I know that some folk move on to the next relationship very quickly indeed. Men seem to do this far more often and much sooner than women. So what are your views?

There are a zillion reasons why some folk move on swiftly after a breakup.

For example;

To experience the 'drug' that is the infatuation of a new relationship where everything is exciting and new again.

For lust. To swiftly replace whoever may have been previously delivering some physical / sexual need to a person.

For self justification. To satisfy some selfish, narcissistic or genuine need to feel approved of, loved or appreciated.

As a force of habit. Some people will date anyone rather than appear or be seen as being single or alone.

For romance. Some people will turn the world upside down in their search for perfection or some impossible perfect creature that will only ever actually exists in their head.

I'm guilty of that and when I eventually met my embodiment of perfection a dozen years after losing my 20 year love story of a marriage, I discovered my (new) perfect mate and match was, (as a younger 40+ grieving widow), imprisoned in a world not meant for me ... or anyone else ... until she could learn to let go of her grief.

And there are many more examples of why someone jumps from frying pan straight into the fire of a new relationship.

The only thing I would add is that you appear to be generalising when you claim men seem to find it easier to move on quicker than women. (How do you know such a thing?)

We might argue that, until the last decade or two, it was men who were expected to be the instigator or prompter of any new relationship based on a societal expectation that no longer applies in our modern 21st century world.

In any event; it hardly matters. A breakup, a real breakup, involving two people who may have invested everything in their relationship, remains a tragic and traumatic thing to get past or over.

life is very short, dont let oppertunities pass you by,
im sure the deceased would like to see the partner happy again,

There are so many factors that affect this both in the person you are losing and who comes along and when but generally I'm very slow to get over such a loss.

Some people never move on until they meet, date and have a new relationship.

Sometimes it depends why and how the relationship ended, sometimes not, cos ever-present is unique, what works for one does not work for another, there is no right or wrong or time

Only a few decades ago the western world thought mainstream media, the education system and all public influence started in earnest to indoctrinate the greater unwashed in a new powerful ideology.

The Selfish Individual- where self and personal as well as instant gratifications were considered to be what a short like was all about – live for the moment crap -- as consumerism in every facet of daily life was encouraged through media propaganda. There were America TV soaps based on idealisation of selfishness and consumption to wet the appetites of the po-faced British, as baseball caps became the symbol of fashion freedom the Americanisation of life values.

So the most insecure of the human species and thus the most easily influences is the strong resourceful male - the LOADS OF MONEY symbol was supreme - you could buy drugs - girls, anything you desires if you could pay for the ticket.

So people became products- sex was a commodity - love and affection could be bartered in court for millions and billions - as expectations of love were smashed thought the experiences of individuals experiencing male selfishness. The new man sharing 50% of the childrearing was a popular myth - some even practiced it for a time - but lads are lads and after a few drinks one can fall in love with a quadruped if fired up enough - as commuters once discovered when the train was stopped in the middle of nowhere exposing such a situation which splashed in all the newspapers.

So screwing a sheep - screwing a woman- and any form of instant self gratification became the self fulfilling point. Women of cause never come first, and that is a universal problem for the average male idiot - as he assumes she was fulfilled tooooo, or is that two?

So when a partnership is predicated on one party seeing it though the eyes of personalised self gratification - the other after a time finds it is crap - and walks off. The male always looking for sexual excitement finds the regular waiting at home legalised paid for prostitute wife BORING and looks for more exciting things - pissing of the female who actually is more likely to be unselfish who pinned her future on this chosen moronic git.

Finding out one has made a terrible misjudgement or mistake where a few years have been found to be a total waste of one's life takes a bit of getting used to, and realising one was conned, believed in ever after - to a selfish self obsessed controlling git is a shock and often needs time to recover from.

Strand icon 22-Nov-2021 18:31
There are a zillion reasons why some folk move on swiftly after a breakup.

For example;

To experience the 'drug' that is the infatuation of a new relationship where everything is exciting and new again.

For lust. To swiftly replace whoever may have been previously delivering some physical / sexual need to a person.

For self justification. To satisfy some selfish, narcissistic or genuine need to feel approved of, loved or appreciated.

As a force of habit. Some people will date anyone rather than appear or be seen as being single or alone.

For romance. Some people will turn the world upside down in their search for perfection or some impossible perfect creature that will only ever actually exists in their head.

I'm guilty of that and when I eventually met my embodiment of perfection a dozen years after losing my 20 year love story of a marriage, I discovered my (new) perfect mate and match was, (as a younger 40+ grieving widow), imprisoned in a world not meant for me ... or anyone else ... until she could learn to let go of her grief.

And there are many more examples of why someone jumps from frying pan straight into the fire of a new relationship.

The only thing I would add is that you appear to be generalising when you claim men seem to find it easier to move on quicker than women. (How do you know such a thing?)

We might argue that, until the last decade or two, it was men who were expected to be the instigator or prompter of any new relationship based on a societal expectation that no longer applies in our modern 21st century world.

In any event; it hardly matters. A breakup, a real breakup, involving two people who may have invested everything in their relationship, remains a tragic and traumatic thing to get past or over.

A good informative post strand.

Strand icon 22-Nov-2021 18:31
There are a zillion reasons why some folk move on swiftly after a breakup.

For example;

To experience the 'drug' that is the infatuation of a new relationship where everything is exciting and new again.

For lust. To swiftly replace whoever may have been previously delivering some physical / sexual need to a person.

For self justification. To satisfy some selfish, narcissistic or genuine need to feel approved of, loved or appreciated.

As a force of habit. Some people will date anyone rather than appear or be seen as being single or alone.

For romance. Some people will turn the world upside down in their search for perfection or some impossible perfect creature that will only ever actually exists in their head.

I'm guilty of that and when I eventually met my embodiment of perfection a dozen years after losing my 20 year love story of a marriage, I discovered my (new) perfect mate and match was, (as a younger 40+ grieving widow), imprisoned in a world not meant for me ... or anyone else ... until she could learn to let go of her grief.

And there are many more examples of why someone jumps from frying pan straight into the fire of a new relationship.

The only thing I would add is that you appear to be generalising when you claim men seem to find it easier to move on quicker than women. (How do you know such a thing?)

We might argue that, until the last decade or two, it was men who were expected to be the instigator or prompter of any new relationship based on a societal expectation that no longer applies in our modern 21st century world.

In any event; it hardly matters. A breakup, a real breakup, involving two people who may have invested everything in their relationship, remains a tragic and traumatic thing to get past or over.

A good informative post strand.

Thanks, HoW.

Sadly, my comments were based on experience, memory and nostalgia but now,(today), there is zero chance I'll ever experience a relationship again, particularly a physical one, which is a profound bummer I'm still only just getting my head around. :(

Maybe some people don't get as emotionally attatched as others, thats not to say thier feelings arn't genuine, some people will move on quicker from one relationship and take ages to get over another. But it could also be as simple as being happy at feeling wanted and that you're not emotionally flatlining, I think you don't often realise that you've been emotionally cut off until a relationship ends. Just think Shirley Valantine.