Conversation Dating and Relationships
Helper icon Helpers: Chris2mates , LLstill , PrincessFruitBat

About us

Midsummer's Eve is a free online dating community - based around friendship, real meetups, real people, and real relationships. We've been online since 1999 and have twice won Radio 2's Web Site of the Day award. So why not join us for free and join in the discussion?


How to recognise it, acquire it and keep it.

Beach  Male  Dorset
4-Jan-2020 23:34 Message #4767378
OK. The title of this thread is misleading because I am not daring to offer words of wisdom, as if I know such profound answers, but, rather, despite not adding a question mark, I’m asking a rhetorical question.

What I do know is that any concept of love is something that, I claim, cannot ever be examined, felt or proved other than by the person actually feeling it.

In other words, while we can be told that someone loves us, the only love we will ever experience, the only love capable of being measured or examined, is the love WE hold for someone within ourselves, radiating it outwards to another human being, pet or object!

Snakes and Ladders

The faith we put into another person by our act of daring to give our heart to them, renders us stripped bare and left vulnerable to some prospect of being rejected. Thus, any act or declaration of expressing our love to someone else becomes a terrifying gamble, primed with an explosive future that, possibly, could allow us to climb a blissful ladder to match our future dreams or complete our romantic aspiration in some other profound new way … :)

Or slide us back down a snake to the bottom of the board game where we would have to start over. :(

So … All this talk of love, falling in love or feeling as though we are being loved is only a simplistic expression ... though an expression that, perhaps, all of us would hope to experience.

However ...

Some folk will insincerely claim to love someone else… for their own selfish reasons … irresponsibly saying “I think I love you”; purely to charm, purely to deceive, purely to gain or control the feelings of another person.

And some folk will seek love, or some illusion of love … purely to satisfy their own insecurities … being willing to act or pretend to be in love … in an effort to force themselves to believe that they have found love.

Such people know, in their own hearts, that they are not really in love at all but … that won’t stop them believing the lie … and some of those folk claim to have been in love several times!

So … I’d claim, any feeling of love can only ever be felt from within, (in ourselves), and no matter how much somebody else professes love towards us, all we ever have, (pause), is our own, tentative, hope that the words being said to us … are heartfelt and genuine.

Isn’t that scary?

But beautiful … IF … our faith in our partner’s expressions never has to be challenged. :-)

Your thoughts?

Written by a man who has never doubted the love he was offered. xxx
Topaz53  Female  Northamptonshire
5-Jan-2020 11:02 Message #4767413
Hi beech,

Welcome back and I can see by the amount of posts today, you are somewhat refreshed and your repetitive strain injury has obviously improved ;

Love eh?? It's talked about, sung about, written about ....but does it really exist..

I've experienced first love, very intense, definitely believed I was loved and at 14 , would have died for him.
Soon came down to earth with a bang when I moved from London to Northamptonshire and he took up with another girl within a month of me leaving.!!
Ironically, still in touch with him, but he's still the lying cheating rat that he always was. Never been faithful to a woman, but we've probably all been "loved".

Married....yep at 18, blind date, got pregnant, right thing to do in 70s...was still very frowned on.
Never felt loved, rarely told it..
End of mostly unhappy marriage.. after 23 years.

Partners..yep. Believed what I wanted to hear....split my marriage up.
That was one of the goals by him.
Then I was set many many more to prove " my love",
finally escaped a very emotionally abusive relationship, but with very little self esteem.

Picked myself up and engaged to a man I'd known for over 20 years.
Ex army..... oh what these wars do to people.
Post traumatic stress, mental health name it.. who was more mentally torcherd ??? Questionable.
Never married, escaped again!

Couple of boyfriends...guess what ??
Used and humiliated to make their exes jealous and win them back... oops slipped up again!! What an idiot eh?

A lot of dates...mostly weirdos.
I do pick them..!!

Moved in with a man, who basically made me feel "safe", very respectful , loved me " in his own way "'
Split after living together for 9 years.
Workaholic, even though I was told he wanted to cut down.
Only had one weekend away..he hated it. Once to the pictures..hated it.. oh Sunday afternoon..short trip out..meal...lucky me.
Still friends and he comes for lunch every week.

So to answer your the words of Tina Turner...
"Whats love got to do with it"
Love... that word has been spoken...never delivered.. never felt...poor me !!

So pleased for you that you've never doubted it.. and I think it's great that some take their vows" till death do I part"'
But I'm never shocked , even now by people I know well/ family too separating/ divorcing.

Yep a word that easily trips off the lips and one I'll never know.

Blimey beech, reckon I've exceeded myself there..and bared my sole to the internet and total strangers..
Who'd have thought :(
Beach  Male  Dorset
5-Jan-2020 12:27 Message #4767424
... but an excellent piece of prose describing your adventures in love, Topaz. :-) I thought that was a very heartfelt and sincere account of your thoughts.

And there is still hope if my new tentative romance is anything to go by.

I've got a date ... now turned into a stay-over for next weekend ... arranged with H, my bright, busty geeky female friend so wish me luck, Topaz. (This is the same H who brought over Christmas dinner to share with me this year).

The friendship / relationship is nothing like I've experienced before but then again ... I've never been 63 before so ... :)
The_Snow_Covered_Fool  Male  Cheshire
6-Jan-2020 07:57 Message #4767480
Good luck with your friend Beach.

Gives me hope being 'only' 61.

And even though I've put the aside on, I do wish you good luck.

Beach  Male  Dorset
6-Jan-2020 09:00 Message #4767482
Thanks, Chris. x

I'd become so fussy over the years, I had already written myself off but I suppose it just goes to show you can never really say never. :-)
Cassis  Female  Cambridgeshire
7-Jan-2020 03:53 Message #4767565
"Love, love, love!
Love is like a dizzieness;
It winna let a poor body
Gang about his biziness!"
(James Hogg)

Feeling a bit giddy, Beech? :)
Beach  Male  Dorset
7-Jan-2020 10:25 Message #4767585
Ha ha, Cassis. :)

With Cockney humour and more front than Barbara Windsor, I'm looking forward to being entertained by H next week. The duvet cover is already in the washing machine as we speak.
Cassis  Female  Cambridgeshire
8-Jan-2020 00:39 Message #4767639
Don't forget the clean towels in the bathroom; and "Je t'aime" on whatever music system; beer/champagne in the fridge; and a rose in your teeth;)
Beach  Male  Dorset
8-Jan-2020 02:16 Message #4767641
Clean towels are in place, multi-media is ready and my own fridge is stocked with lager / prosecco / rose wine but H doesn't drink, (hasn't done so since she was 16), so I'll be relying on my disarming conversation and the soothing atmosphere of a softly lit bedroom, (and a horizontal demeanour), to complement my, already tested, charm and charisma, (I say that tongue in cheek), to hopefully deliver my weekend guest the pleasures the occasion should warrant. :-)

But hey ... As I have expressed elsewhere on a similar thread ... I like playing the long game ... there need not be some rushed goal or expectation. (I'm not a feckless teenager or some selfish Lothario).

I am intimidated though, Cassis.

Aside from H's surreal, course Cockney accent, (and equally unrefined humour :), she actually ticks every box that Beach has been searching for for nearly 20 years online ... and that includes the magic ingredient ... 34dd.

I've, possibly found the mythical person I have been searching for for all those years.

An intelligent, intellectual soul who can match, contain, (and frequently exceed), my own mental energy AND have a physical appearance that drives me crazy, (physically), just in the thinking about her. And she isn't, (wasn't) some internet date either. She is local and lives just outside of town.

And the most sobering thing?

Our friendship, our flirting, our actual energy is just matter of fact, routine, normal, easy, uncomplicated.

It's not love story like Jackie and I but ... it doesn't have to be.

And, (I think), one of the biggest things is she trusts me. She values me and she regards me and Beach cottage as the haven, the sanctuary, the space and place where she can just ... relax.

And I make her laugh! :-)
Put another way ...

If this coming weekend was a disaster, (romantically), we'd stay mates and probably carry on just as we have been.

Importantly though, H is looking forward to the weekend just as I am ... and I only have one bed ... and she knows that!

Though that doesn't mean either of us should expect anything the other might or might not be willing to share intimately.

It's just a little personal adventure ... for two people who seem to like each other's company. :-)
Beach  Male  Dorset
8-Jan-2020 02:19 Message #4767643
Nite nite. x
Tweetie Pie  Female  Oxfordshire
23-Feb-2021 08:18 Message #4809068
Hi Beachy lovely to see you although this post alack and alas is a year old. Hope all is well in your world and your weekend went well with H.

I am in two bands now...we Zoom and look forward to meeting in the flesh.

Hugs x
Michaelt  Male  Devon
23-Feb-2021 09:13 Message #4809070
"Who can explain it ?
Who can tell you why ?

Fools give you reasons.
Wise men never try.

Oscar Hammerstein 2nd. South Pacific....1958.
NoSaint  Female  Devon
23-Feb-2021 09:35 Message #4809074
Nice one Michaelt.
HotOrWot  Male  Lancashire
25-Feb-2021 07:33 Message #4809234
It must be love, love, love .......

 Back to top

 Help with conversations