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Women making the first move...

Does it bother you?

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Lulu70  Female  South East London 2-Dec-2018 17:50 Message #4730021
As a woman, I have no problem making the first move.

I have a friend who would never dare approach a man, either online or in person.

Would it bother you?
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire 2-Dec-2018 17:57 Message #4730022
I have sent men messages on online dating sites but would never approach them in the outside world.
eurostar  Female  Merseyside 2-Dec-2018 18:13 Message #4730026
ooh I have done and its such a hit and miss on the attitude back...…
some think you are desperate
some think you want a hook up
some think you are too forward
some think you are a scammer

oh the joys of internet dating...……
Lulu70  Female  South East London 2-Dec-2018 18:13 Message #4730027
I know what you mean BunnyGirl.

I have gone up and said "hello" to people in the past, but only if we had exchanged a few looks and smiles.

I haven't yet just gone up to some poor unsuspecting Man and launched into full-on "chat up" mode... Maybe I
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 2-Dec-2018 18:14 Message #4730028
I think it is to be positively encouraged, in fact, in these days of men's "advances" easily being misconstrued, I would say it is absolutely vital.
I am much more reluctant to flirt and approach women in the outside world unless I already know them very well and I would not be surprised if other men feel the same.
Ladies it's over to you because someone needs to make the first move or nothing will ever happen...
Lulu70  Female  South East London 2-Dec-2018 18:17 Message #4730029
Oh yes, Eurostar... I think some men complain about always having to make the first move... and then get all funny when a woman takes the
Lulu70  Female  South East London 2-Dec-2018 18:21 Message #4730030
Hierophant... It must be a bit of a minefield for Men these days, I do sympathise.
tumbleweed  Male  Gloucestershire 2-Dec-2018 18:24 Message #4730031
During my dating days, it wouldn't bother me at all. Quite nice in fact.

It also makes you see things from the other perspective. If I started fancying someone, and asked them out, and they turned me down with a horrible 'F off' type response, I would be glad that it went no further, with such a horrible response, and my opinion of them would change dramatically. If they turned me down with a lovely little reply, with a 'thanks for asking' kind of thing, then they would go further up in my estimation, and I would think 'what a lovely girl', even though she turned me down. Obviously, it would be better if she accepted, but you can't win them all.

So if anyone asked me out, I have tried to bear that in mind in my response.

Nowadays though, it doesn't happen much either way, and I am glad that I don't have to work out what to do. If someone sends me a message now, I usually do that thing where a couple of messages later at the most, it has all fizzled out. It is the best way at the moment. But in the future...who knows..
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 2-Dec-2018 18:25 Message #4730032
It always has been, but now it's got 100 times worse.
Approaching a stranger and asking her out ain't easy, with all the harassment stuff you worry if you look at a woman in case she thinks you are abusing her or something.
Women need to get used to the rejection, it doesn't hurt after the first dozen times or so...
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 2-Dec-2018 18:35 Message #4730033
Oh asking someone out by message on a dating site is the easiest thing ever, anybody can do that.
Walking up to a woman you've never met before, stone cold sober in tescos or somewhere and asking her out, now that takes real balls...
warmundeft  Male  Wrexham 2-Dec-2018 20:44 Message #4730034
Fairly sure that I'd greet an approach in the same spirit that I thought was intended.

My hesitancy probably arises because that would be a situation I see as new to me, although there's a possibility that subtle approaches have been made in the past and I've been too thick to spot what's going on.

And awareness of the 'minefield'.

So, here's looking forward to the approach ..

But ladies, please be gentle with me ..
AndyMacG  Male  the West Midlands 2-Dec-2018 20:52 Message #4730035
"Women need to get used to the rejection, it doesn't hurt after the first dozen times or so..."

Hiero, TBH i wouldn't say that, i don't think i could ever get used to rejection no matter how many times it has happened, getting rejected when asking a woman for a date is still as hard as the first time, the only positive you get from many rejections is the tell-tail signs, simple little things like the e-mail messages fizzle out and the topic of conversation via the e-mails goes a bit east & west :(

At least if you approach someone in the freezer isle at Tesco for instance and ask them for a date when an acceptance or a rejection comes you don't need to think about what did i say or do wrong, no need to decipher anything it either happens or it doesn't, move on ;-) lol

Andy Mac
SandyBeach  Male  Lincolnshire 2-Dec-2018 21:28 Message #4730041
No I don't think so.

It's probably happened in the past but as I've never been able to read subtle hints from a girl, there's possibly been many near misses.

These days I'm not expecting anything to happen anyway.

Of course you never know what is round the next corner, so never say never.
Lulu70  Female  South East London 2-Dec-2018 22:24 Message #4730046
Does anyone actually ask people out in supermarkets...?

I'd assume they were mad and pretend I was married to shake them off... oh how cynical of me.
Maybe I should start winking at men in frozen food aisle and report back my

TheSarcasticOne  Male  Essex 2-Dec-2018 23:11 Message #4730048
The one thing I think both sexes ( I know that is not politically correct as there are 100's now) are worried or even terrified about is getting turned down. There are many reasons for this too many to list.

I feel safer if the lady asks, as then I don't have to worry about getting turned down, BUT they must also be thinking the same as me and have to contemplate being turned down.

This is where a friend can come in useful, or even two. They get to test the water for you or even match make.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 2-Dec-2018 23:25 Message #4730049
Whatever happened to ...

'ere, my mate fancies your mate

and then they all lived happily ever after.

well, until the big divorce, at least.
NotHermit  Male  Derbyshire 2-Dec-2018 23:28 Message #4730050
Right Minnie, sometimes divorce is the best bit.
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 3-Dec-2018 07:34 Message #4730052
"Does anyone actually ask people out in supermarkets...?
I'd assume they were mad and pretend I was married to shake them off... oh how cynical of me."

Does the location matter? Does it have to be in a pub/club or on a dating site for it to be appropriate?
Hmm now you see what men have to deal with, no wonder women are reluctant to grasp the nettle and do the asking...
Colonel_Blink  Male  Buckinghamshire 3-Dec-2018 08:37 Message #4730053
Once you are past 50 the supermarket becomes the dating playground for asking out and meets for coffee.
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire 3-Dec-2018 09:17 Message #4730055
I had someone in the past when putting my trolley away if they could carry my shopping to my car.

Told him i have no car so was not going to get into a strangers car so that was the end of that ha ha

Also had men parking their cars and got out to talk to me while i was walking down the street.

In fact all sorts of different places. Must admit a but scary lol
HonestBob  Male  the Central region 3-Dec-2018 09:32 Message #4730056
I could not agree more with Hieros first post on this thread!

It's too risky to approach now a days, you misread or misinterpret something, which is easily done, or you approach the wrong woman... You could land yourself in serious trouble.

For me to approach, the woman would need to be worth the risk, and sadly I see few women worthy of such risk. I'm not saying they don't exist, just that I don't see them.

Some of you may remember my story of approaching two oriental women in a supermarket, only for them not to speak English :(

The good thing about supermarkets is, there is usually a cafe in them, so it isn't dangerous for a woman to go for a coffee (down side, if she has frozen food) and also, this could be argued, but they may be less likely to have three inches of fake up smeared all over her face. So you may get a better look at what you are getting yourself into.

If a woman approached me, I wouldn't take it as offensive. I'd more likely be flattered. If a rejection was issued, it would be done with respect, appreciation and a whole lot of thank yous and apologies.
badman  Male  Suffolk 3-Dec-2018 10:40 Message #4730058
I asked a woman out in a supermarket and it was one of the best things I ever did.
Four years with a gorgeous lawyer. Still very good friends and occasionally meet for dinner.
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 3-Dec-2018 11:01 Message #4730060
Supermarkets are great places to check out (pardon the pun) women who are undoubtedly single.
Walking around on her own with a basket in hand containing a few small items - weightwatchers ready meal, bottle of wine, tin of cat food, a magazine and comforting bar of chocolate to ease the pain of going home to an empty flat with just tiddles for company...
tumbleweed  Male  Gloucestershire 3-Dec-2018 11:11 Message #4730061
It reminds me of the old joke :-

I was at the supermarket checkout, and I had one slice of bacon, 1 sausage, a tomato and a bread roll, and the checkout girl said to me 'let me guess, you are single aren't you?', and I said 'how did you know? Is it because of what I am buying?', and she said 'No, it's because your'e an ugly git!'
warmundeft  Male  Wrexham 3-Dec-2018 12:11 Message #4730062
Perhaps approaches in the freezer aisle are not quite right ?
Surely it's more appropriate to make your play where the nuts & dates are displayed ?
(Credit: some old MSE thread - but well worth recalling, I thought.)

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