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How do you

let someone down lightly?

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FREE  Female  Somerset
6-Mar-2016 10:28 Message #4623123
Was walking George yesterday when I bumped into my friendly postman. After complimenting me on my weight loss and saying how good I looked, he said he had a package for me. Hmmm, I bet he does!! ;) Anyway, I told him to leave it on my doorstep as I wouldn't be long.

As it turns out, I got back before he got to mine and he could see me through the window, so I went to the door.

As usual, he stepped inside to give me a big hug.

Him: Oooh, give us a kiss!

Me: Gerroff, it's not Valentines day!

Him: Go on, just one kiss

He hugged me tight, his cold cheek pressed against mine. I went to pull away.

Me: No, you're not having a kiss, you're freezing!

He held on.

Him: Mmmm, you're hot!!!

Me: Gerroff you daft sod and give us me perfume.

Him: Perfume!! You don't need perfume... just a bit of talc.

Me: Oh yeah, Lavender talc, very sexy.

Him: It'll do me!

He stepped outside looking flustered, fanning himself with letters.

Him: Think I need a cold shower. Then with a cheeky grin - You've got a shower, haven't you?

Me: I'll give you shower!!

Perhaps not the best thing to say. His eyes lit up. He fanned himself again and laughing said,

"I'd best be going before I get meself in trouble."

Aye, and he's not the only one who's going to get in trouble if the guy I'm dating finds out! lol

What am I going to do with him!
joolsy  Female  Essex
6-Mar-2016 10:50 Message #4623125
Oooh mel he has the hots for you lol ...tell him you are spoken for ...and doint touch what he can't afford lol ...
Judance  Female  Berkshire
6-Mar-2016 10:52 Message #4623126
That's a hard one ( pardon the pun! )

As none of us on here have any idea what has passed between you already - apart from your posts on here - we cannot judge how your postie regards these 'encounters'.

Are you saying that he was being serious? Was he not just flirting with you?
Maybe he is the same with all the ladies he meets on his rounds?
A girl in every letter box ...?

I don't think there is any letting down to be done .. just make it clear that you are flirting, mention your man .. and don't let him through the door!

Sometimes we can make things seem different to what they actually are?
Argonaut  Male  Lancashire
6-Mar-2016 11:16 Message #4623131
Just make sure he's got a good supply of French letters in case he gets too enthusiastic!

Or you could tell him that boyfriends are like the mail - your current boyfriend is first class - he comes early, the postman is second class - he comes late!

Or you could tell him him sack's too big!

FREE  Female  Somerset
6-Mar-2016 11:21 Message #4623133
Ha ha, no he's just having a bit of fun... I think! My friend who was with me once when we bumped into him and witnessed the banter between us, reckons he fancies me and says it's about time he stopped mucking about and just asked me out. But I reckon he's just a terrible flirt and is probably like that with plenty of his customers.

Having said that...

He went really funny on me once when I mentioned my ex had been round for a meal. He said, "You're joking!! Don't tell me you're taking him back!" I assured him there was no chance of that happening, that we were just friends. He didn't look at all impressed, and I don't think he beieved me. After that he completely changed, stopped knocking, and was very reserved if I had to open the door for a package that wouldn't fit through the letterbox. If I bumped into him kn the street, he would say, "Haven't got time to chat" and dash off.

It took a long time for the banter to return after I asked him if something was wrong. He joked that it was because I wouldn't give him a kiss. He began to be a bit more chatty and asked about my ex, and I said we'd fallen out. After that it was business as usual, back to the full on flirtjng.

So it's either that he felt it was inappropriate if he thought there was someone on the scene, or hurt... not sure which.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
6-Mar-2016 11:28 Message #4623139
He obviously enjoys the little frisson between the two of you and so did you, I think, not so long ago. The only change from here seems to be that you no longer feel comfortable with it because of the other chap. He doesn't know that, so as far as he is concerned, nothing has changed.
Like someone else said, it doesn't look like there is anything to let down. You both flirt with one another, and that seems to be as far as it has got.
I don't think that you need to do anything, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, if it were me, I would be inclined to drop into the conversation the new man in your life. But even that is early days, isn't it? It might be fairly meaningless to him, so if you jump ahead, you run the risk of making yourself look or feel a wee bit foolish.
Mind you, if he thinks that he has competition, it might fan the flames of his ardour even more. My window cleaner is a bit like your cheeky postie and made repeated offers to show me what a real man was like, even when I told him that I had aboyfriend. It never deterred him.
Overall, and on the basis of what you have told us, I would just enjoy what on the face of it seems to be just a bit of fun for both of you.
FREE  Female  Somerset
6-Mar-2016 11:36 Message #4623140
Wow Minnie, love the new photo, you beautiful woman!

I'm sure it's just flirting, and I'm just as bad. Also, as you say Minnie, I've only just started seeing the other man, so there's no need to mention him, as it may not go anywhere. It just made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Just as chatting to another guy yesterday morning on another site made me feel. But thers's nothing wrong with keeping my options open at this stage, even if it "feels" wrong. He may be chatting to other women.
Judance  Female  Berkshire
6-Mar-2016 11:37 Message #4623141
Loving the new photo, Min!
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
6-Mar-2016 11:39 Message #4623142
Thank you both. It's taken a lot of courage to put that pic up, I can tell you. I feel all naked now.
Nigel_In_Devon  Male  Devon
6-Mar-2016 11:41 Message #4623143
Difficult one...sometimes there isn't a way of letting someone down gently. However, as you say, very early days so nowt much wrong with a bit of banter.

Agree, lovely new photo Min, stunning!
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
6-Mar-2016 11:56 Message #4623151
* blushes *
Lady  Female  North Yorkshire
6-Mar-2016 11:57 Message #4623152
eeh, our Mellow - it sounds like you've been leading your poor postie up the garden path and blowing hot and cold on him!

It sounds like you both enjoy a bit of flirtation but I'm sure you are well capable of toning it down and keeping him at arm's length if you don't feel comfortable about it.

My Mum was a bit of a devil for flirting with her postman, then got the shock of her life one day when he tried to give her a kiss ; it quite unnerved her and she kept her distance after that - she was about 80 at the time!
Keithagain  Male  South Yorkshire
6-Mar-2016 12:10 Message #4623154
Yes, lovely new photo Minnie!
FREE  Female  Somerset
6-Mar-2016 12:11 Message #4623155
I suppose if I'm honest, Lady I've always enjoyed his attention and compliments. But like your mum, him kissing me a few months back just before Christmas was a tad uncomfortable. I expected a peck and he tried to deliver a full on smooch. I have tried to tone things down since then, but I think I need to try harder. Good job he's only the relief postie so he only comes about once a week.

Lady  Female  North Yorkshire
6-Mar-2016 12:15 Message #4623157
perhaps you may wish to rephrase that last sentence, Mellow :-) ;-)
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
6-Mar-2016 12:18 Message #4623159
lol I would think that quite a few people on here would be envious of that achievement.
FREE  Female  Somerset
6-Mar-2016 12:20 Message #4623160
Ooops! Just re read it. lol
AndyMacG  Male  the West Midlands
6-Mar-2016 12:28 Message #4623161
Mellow, Just tell him you are dating/seeing someone and although you don’t mind the flirting and banter but being the loyal type of person the touching and trying to kiss isn’t the done thing in your eyes.

Andy Mac
FREE  Female  Somerset
6-Mar-2016 12:41 Message #4623165
Hopefully I won't be seeing my postie for a while, so will have a better idea about the guy I'm seeing. If it looks like it's going somewhere by then, I'll explain as you describe Andy.
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia
6-Mar-2016 12:46 Message #4623169
You need to do something sooner rather than later, when your new man stays over and bumps into your postie one morning at the front door, it'll be interesting to say the least...
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
6-Mar-2016 12:49 Message #4623170
Lovely photo Minnie, you look fantastic.

Mellow, do you feel safe with this guy, do you trust him not to push you for more than you want to give, if he's asked you out before you started seeing this new bloke would you have said yes?
Soul-Provider  Male  Hampshire
6-Mar-2016 13:39 Message #4623187
Set your boundaries with him,and let him know your situation,
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
6-Mar-2016 13:54 Message #4623192
New man will have the biggest shock if the amorous postie wants a smackeroonie off him too.
Cisca  Female  the West Midlands
6-Mar-2016 13:58 Message #4623194
I also think this is a boundary issue Mellow. You need to decide where yours are.

Unlike others, I don't think telling him you have a boyfriend solves anything. What is he supposed to make of that... that hugs and kisses are OK when there is no man on the scene but off limits when they are?

If you feel uncomfortable with his behaviour, then a boundary has been crossed, and you need to put in firmly back in place and keep it there. It might make make things a bit uncomfortable for a while if you aren't interested in him but its fairer on him in the long run.
Cisca  Female  the West Midlands
6-Mar-2016 15:31 Message #4623207
Just to add... on a more serious level

He may think that this kind of flirting is OK, and you clearly think it is, then he may behave in the same way with others. They might think its OK too until he comes across someone that perceives it as sexual harrassment, and complain to his employers, when his job might be on the line.

I know I would.

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