Online dating advice
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Online dating dating should be fun
Firstly, online dating should be fun. So if after reading the rest of this advice page
you are still anxious about using the Internet as a way of finding dates, then
it might not be the right avenue for you. Hopefully reading our
advice on online dating will put you completely at ease.
Think of Midsummer's Eve as a kind of club. Everybody is welcome into our club as
long as they agree to abide by the rules.
Just as people are checked at the door of a club, we keep an eye on new members
to ensure that they are genuinely looking for friends and/or a partner, are sticking
to the rules and keeping the atmosphere friendly and fun.
But like other clubs we have no special insight into the true character and intentions
of the people entering and, as we are sure that you would not expect the management
of a club to guarantee that the person who has just bought you a drink is an honest
Joe/Jane, we can't and don't guarantee the integrity of the information held in
the profiles. So, just as you learn to be street-wise when out in the real world,
it pays to be a little web-wise too.
- Do not approach other members by giving them your telephone number or e-mail address.
You wouldn't go straight up to the nearest person in a nightclub and just hand them
your number, would you?
- "It's only words! And words are all you have"... Without your other
senses to give you a better picture of someone, you'll need to find out all you
can about them just by messaging. So ask questions, enjoy corresponding with them
and, by using our messaging system, there is still no need to give out any further
contact details until you are quite sure that your new 'pen-pal' is someone you
can trust. If a profile has a voice profile attached, take a listen - it will give
great insight into their character.
- If someone gives you their email address, remember that by sending an email to
him/her they will have access to your e-mail address. So make sure that you really
want them to have your address before you use theirs. In the same way, BT 1471 or
agreeing to take a 'reverse-charge' call makes getting your telephone number very
easy.
- Be polite. Just because the person is not in front of you, it doesn't mean that
you're not communicating with a human being. Besides, if you do cause upset or offence
whilst visiting our 'club', we may ask you to leave! Some kind of reply is always
appreciated, even if it is to say "Thank-you for your message but I am afraid
that I do not think we have enough in common to continue corresponding".
'Aaarrghh!!' or 'No way' generally tends to go down very badly and is enough to
get you suspended.
- If you have a problem with another member's life-style because they smoke or are
obsessed with budgerigars or something, keep it to yourself. They are obviously
not your 'ideal partner' so there is no need to contact them just to let them know
what you think of them. The same applies if you do not like somebody's appearance.
- Try to avoid giving one-word greetings and answers - it makes the conversation
drag a little! It is far better to offer more information about yourself or ask
some questions about the other person to ensure the correspondence flows and the
conversation is kept interesting.
- Be yourself, honestly. Even if you are convinced that you aren't the 'bee's knees',
someone will think you're 'ideal'. There is no point in creating a different persona
- you won't be able to keep up the pretence forever and a relationship built on
a lie will soon crumble.
- Try to avoid going for the 'sympathy vote' with your profile. Don't put yourself
down. If you think you're unlucky in love, keep it to yourself. Your profile is
the first thing that others see of you so it is a good idea to ensure that it makes
a great first impression with a positive, up-beat and friendly feel.
- Your username is only ever seen on your homepage which is available only to you.
It is advisable to make your screen name - the name that everyone else knows you
as - different from your username. This is because should someone try to access
your account, they will have half your login details already. You can change your
screen name at any time by clicking on 'my profile', making the change and clicking
'send'. You can't change your username however.
- It is also advisable to make your password as obscure as possible. Setting it
as 'password' or the same as your screen name will make it guessable. Entering numbers
as well as letters makes it trickier to crack. You can change your password at any
time, too, by clicking on 'my options' after logging in.
- Keep us up-dated with any changes in your email address via the 'my options' page
again. By doing this we can trace your account more easily when you contact us,
you receive all your message alerts correctly and when you need a reminder of your
password, the database can recognise you and send your details to the right place
for you to retrieve them.
- We allow members to have active accounts without posting a description on the
site because we do not want to force members into doing anything they do not want
to do. If you are unhappy about replying to someone who has no profile or photo,
simply send a standard message saying that you require these to continue with any
correspondence. Or continue the correspondence to find out far more than a profile
could reveal.
- One of our rules that is commonly broken is 'multiple messages containing the
same or similar wording sent to many different members are not allowed'. This rule
is there to ensure you stand the best chance of getting replies. Sending messages
with copied-and-pasted content that do not refer to the recipient's profiles shows
that there is no real interest and does not impress.
- Do not pressure anybody into giving out contact details or meeting. This may cause
anxiety and upset resulting in your suspension.
- Do not be pressured into meeting before you are ready. If someone feels they need
to hurry things along with no respect for your wishes, they probably aren't the
one for you.
Next we take a look at the all-important first meeting! Read on ...
Online dating advice page three »
© Midsummer's Eve 2003