Conversation Dating and Relationships
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Players

what does it mean to you?

Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
21-Jun-2016 23:09 Message #4641184
both what? your cake and eat it?
Female
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire
21-Jun-2016 23:32 Message #4641192
Minnie,


Yea


Whatever they can get from you.
Female
Soulsiesta  Female  North Yorkshire
21-Jun-2016 23:33 Message #4641193
A player can be a man or a woman. They need something from others, but they don't respect the other persons needs or feelings. They appear to offer an emotional connection in order to get what they want from you, but it us fake. They don't have any intention of making a real intimate connection with you, but will pretend to do so to get what they need from you. If you start to realise and pull away, they will tighten their hold by manipulation. They will play with your emotions, but not respect your boundaries. They will zone in on your emotional weakness to regain what they need from you. They can be charming and deductive, but ultimately they are destructive of relationships. They are incapable of emotional connection, but can be hard to walk away from as they know which buttons to press.

This is not the same as someone who does not fancy you / falls out if love with you and ends the relationship. A player could be a long term partner in an unhealthy relationship, it's not just a dating issue.

It is a toxic situation and it actually takes two people to play. It may not be obvious this game is happening as the two of you have some emotional insecurities which play off each other. It can never be resolved unless both are willing to take responsibility and seek help to do things differently. On the whole it's best to walk away, hard though it can be.
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
21-Jun-2016 23:46 Message #4641202
Thank you for that thoughtful post, soulsiesta. You have just helped me with a little conundrum more than you will ever know ... actually, that is classic me understatement; in reality, the scales have just fallen from my eyes about a situation that caused me a lot of hurt earlier in the year. Thank you.
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
22-Jun-2016 00:03 Message #4641211
There's an autocorrect now that keeps catching me out.

Be careful how you type the word "wellies"!
Male
Soul-Provider  Male  Hampshire
22-Jun-2016 00:07 Message #4641215
A player may have an ego too feed,see how many people they can take advantage of,good at lying,when they know other person is in love
Or besotted over them they take them for a ride as it were.

They play them along then when tired of them,move on to,the next naive trusting soul.Myself I cannot see the sense to,it if looking for a partner,but these players just like the thrill of the game,alas.
Female
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire
22-Jun-2016 05:39 Message #4641231
Soul Provider,


I agree with you. They are liars and cheats.
Female
nellieredshoes  Female  West Yorkshire
22-Jun-2016 06:27 Message #4641233
You summed up an old relationship of mine exactly ss. I would have been loathe to call him a player because he was the love of my life, in that he is the man I have felt most intensely about for longest but playing was exactly wag he was doing. I allowed him to. A totally toxic relationship.
Male
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia
22-Jun-2016 06:46 Message #4641238
I had a woman pursue me avidly in the not so distant past, she was flirting with me for weeks and pestering me for my phone number.
When I gave her my number she contacted me and asked me out without hesitation - we went out once and then she totally withdrew, citing a million and one reasons why it wouldn't work between us.
Then a while later she would be interested again and want contact - I suppose she could be described as a player AKA a cock teaser...
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
22-Jun-2016 10:17 Message #4641269
But why do people not believe the person who say's I don't want a relationship, I don't want anything serious, I want something lighthearted, someone to hang out with and yes have sex with. Why do people assume that that truth is a ploy, a trick to catch them emotionally? I wonder if people are so used to "the dating game" that we can no longer except the truth when its given to us in plain language. Why expect a monogamous, loving relationship from someone who's told you thats not what they want, that you may be one of several and you have no rights to their time, who they have dinner with or even who they sleep with. Many people see ""players" as a challenge, wanting to "tame" them, whats that about? Why not accept its their nature and let them be, why pull a tigers tail and wonder why it turns and mauls you?
Male
Timmee  Male  Hampshire
22-Jun-2016 10:34 Message #4641277
The definition of 'player' I have in my head is all about deception and chalking-up sexual and emotional conquests like facebook friends as a measure of self-worth. It's someone who promises love and exclusivity whilst in reality being interested only in sex or an emotional fix for themselves. A player has little ability to empathise. When they get that fix and get bored, they move on to the next. The cynical and self-aware player knows what he or she is doing but there is another type who go in for serial relationships becuase they have a very short term memory and no capacity to learn from experience.

This is not to disrespect those who are genuinely in search of love and are trying repeatedly - they are certain NOT players.
Female
Soulsiesta  Female  North Yorkshire
22-Jun-2016 20:42 Message #4641402
WH I don't think the person you describe is a player. If they make their position quite clear and.stick to it. What we have talked about here is a situation which is not clear. One partner is seduced by false promises. Unwittingly they perpetuate the lie because they have intense needs of their own so they don't set clear boundaries. What results is a toxic relationship.
Female
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire
23-Jun-2016 09:48 Message #4641545
Eljer, keep dreaming you might find her!!!
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
23-Jun-2016 09:52 Message #4641547
Soul, In some ways I agree with you, but people such as I describe often get accused of being players because people refuse to believe them.

Male
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire
23-Jun-2016 10:46 Message #4641565
Eljer, keep dreaming you might find her!!!

yeah in his drweams,lol
Male
Soul-Provider  Male  Hampshire
23-Jun-2016 12:33 Message #4641596
Wh,I could easily be taken for a player,because of my eagerness to please,give compliments,wanting to help by offering my tel number.
It's just my nature to do so things some players do.

And those you mentioned to,just wanting friendship someone to hang out with,it makes finding love harder.
Male
tumbled  Male  Gloucestershire
23-Jun-2016 14:50 Message #4641622
The term 'Player' seems to be used to cover a multitude of things.

It can refer to both Men and Women who play the field, or play with peoples minds amongst other things. They are usually very selfish people in my opinion, only interested in their own gain, not caring about anyone else.

I haven't tended to use the term Player over the years, preferring to refer to them as many other things, some of which are much too rude to even think about saying on here.

Other people have their own definitions of Players, but these are just some of mine.
Male
Spanglish  Male  Shropshire
23-Jun-2016 18:12 Message #4641696
"...I have no idea if sex has to be involved."

What??? Of course it does. lol
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
24-Jun-2016 08:15 Message #4641981
Thank you for all your comments on this thread. I've learnt something, for sure.
It's not a term that I have ever used myself, but I have heard it used by others a lot. It was used recently in a specific context to me.
There are words that seem to be loaded with meaning, emotive terms if you like. "Players" is one such, it seems. Emotive words aren't just words. They are often shorthand for all topic, a concept even. And what that single word often signifies different things to different people. The replies to this thread confirms that for me.
And that is why I often pick people up on what they mean by certain words on here, not because I am challenging them or disbelieving them, but because I am trying to understand where they are coming from and what is the actual meaning behind something that they have said. Checking for understanding is a very important part of communication.

What I wasn't sure about when I asked the question is whether the word player was used to describe someone who was looking for sex without commitment or whether it meant something more.

Specifically, to WH, I don't believe that you are describing a player. But as we all know, how and when you provide information can make a bit difference to outcome. If that weren't the case, companies wouldn't spend the vast sums that they do on advertising and manipulating the public.

tbh, I would be surprised if many people are that honest about just looking for casual sex or whatever. They use another euphemism, like, I am not looking for a relationship, but you don't usually get told that until they feel confident that they already have you on the hook. And just because they are honest about that bit doesn't mean that they are not capable of also being deceitful and manipulative, or of having deep seated emotional/mental health problems and messing with your head. If you meet someone with the promiscuity and any of those other things in combination, they can do a lot of harm to the people that they come into contact with.
I can full well see how easy it is to get sucked into other people's games, as you never have the same information that they have and I believe that a power and control thing is often at the basis of the behaviour.
Male
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire
24-Jun-2016 14:27 Message #4642041
in laymans terms please minnie,
Something someone slightly slow, like Parker, would understand.
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
24-Jun-2016 14:37 Message #4642045
Touche, monsieure liester
You have no idea how much satisfaction I derive from knowing that you find my posts as equally incomprehensible as I find yours.
It's jolly good of you to show up on my thread, but fgs don't bring that mad bird with you.
Male
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire
24-Jun-2016 14:40 Message #4642047
thank you minnie, much appreciated,
this man is an island :)
Male
AndyMacG  Male  the West Midlands
24-Jun-2016 14:41 Message #4642049
liecster, 21-Jun-2016 22:25

"a player"
"Their lives are a game.. and they are the main players. Object of the game: to sleep with the most women possible. the game terminates when the player catches one to many stds or a woman whips him into shape.A guy who pretends to care what comes out of your mouth, but really only cares about what goes into it.A guy that is easiest to fall for, hardest to forget.he will try to bed your wife, while sleeping with your sister, while trying to bed your mom and daughter"**.


A bit like you and Cinderella92 ... is that what you mean? ;-) lol





Andy Mac
Male
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire
24-Jun-2016 14:48 Message #4642055
ouch andy,lol
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
24-Jun-2016 18:35 Message #4642145
Does anyone remember that Bob Seger song?

Lyrics:

"Still The Same"


You always won, everytime you placed a bet
You're still damn good, no one's gotten to you yet
Everytime they were sure they had you caught
You were quicker than they thought
You'd just turn your back and walk
You always said, the cards would never do you wrong
The trick you said was never piay the game too long
A gambler's share, the only risk that you would take
The only loss you could forsake
The only bluff you couldn't fake

And you're still the same
I caught up with you yesterday
Moving game to game
No one standing in your way
Turning on the charm
Long enough to get you by
You're still the same
You still aim high

There you stood, everybody watched you play
I just turned and walked away
I had nothing left to say

'Cause you're still the same
You're still the same
Moving game to game
Some thlngs never change
You're still the same


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