Conversation The Common Room
Helper icon Helpers: Chris2mates , LLstill , PrincessFruitBat

About us

Midsummer's Eve is a free online dating community - based around friendship, real meetups, real people, and real relationships. We've been online since 1999 and have twice won Radio 2's Web Site of the Day award. So why not join us for free and join in the discussion?

A white wedding

1 2 Next   Last  

CircusMaximus  Male  North Yorkshire
25-Jul-2020 09:36 Message #4787675
Most of us on here are possible a bit long in the tooth to want a white wedding or even a wedding but do tell me if I'm wrong. Would you want one for your son or daughter?
BOYDEL  Male  Surrey
25-Jul-2020 09:55 Message #4787676
Possibly yes for a daughter - but less so for a son if I had either...

Half of marriages now end in divorce whilst it is said that half of couples no longer choose to marry.

We are also told that the average "wedding" now costs £20k which is money that would be better spent on say a property deposit unless the couple/family are super rich.
tumbled  Male  Gloucestershire
25-Jul-2020 10:07 Message #4787680
Weddings like that cost a fortune......Often the couple and families can't afford it....but still go along with it.....Madness...

I can never think of White Wedding without thinking of the great Billy Idol song.......I might give it a play right now....

Nice Day for a......White Wedding.....
BOYDEL  Male  Surrey
25-Jul-2020 10:30 Message #4787682
Even more madness is the trend for UK couples to have a wedding abroad - resulting in massive costs for all guests.

And the long standing trend for wedding gifts to be specified on a list which is accessed on say a John Lewis website - first come first served if you want to contribute cheaply - but leave it too late and it's only the giant Smeg fridge/freezer left!
persona_non_grata  Male  North London
25-Jul-2020 10:48 Message #4787686
I have always thought that white weddings are usually something to please the mother-in-law and I can understand that because it is an important occasion and one that can be remembered forever with photos of the big day. They are expensive but (at the time) you are imagining it will be a once in a lifetime event.

When I married we had no money and neither of us had parents to help out either so it was done on a budget. We had a white wedding in a small town registry office with beautiful surroundings of trees. We drove down to a B&B in Devon and we had a lovely time without spending any money and credit cards were not an option in those days. On our way back home we stopped for a meal and could only afford one between the two of us. We were relying on the deposit we put down on the reception glasses to buy food for the week but unfortunately a mishap had put paid to that. We were married many years and often reminisced on how wonderful our wedding and honeymoon was.

Weddings abroad are ok if well organised and with only a small guest list. The married couple stay for two or three weeks but the guests go home after one week. On returning to the UK throw a reception for all those who didn't travel overseas so everyone is happy and it's still likely to be a lot cheaper than a big white wedding here
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
25-Jul-2020 11:40 Message #4787690
No I never wanted one, when I married we had the minimal thing possible and it still spiraled out of control. It dosent' help that I don't understand half of the symbolism around things that most people see as wedding must haves, like something old, something new, something, borrowed, something blue and people get really upset if you don't have them.

I don't get all this 20k plus for a wedding, when we were young the biggest expense was the dress and the reception was either ham baps in a church hall or a buffet in the function room of a pub. I think the cost of a big do would be better spent on a deposit for a house. But then I'm phobic about weddings, any wedding, so I would think that, and I'm sure there will be many people who will find my stance as confusing as I find theirs.
fosy  Male  Leicestershire
25-Jul-2020 11:57 Message #4787697
we got married abroad to get away from family/ worked !

when we got back we had the "night do" , with a video of the wedding on "loop".

no wedding list as we were already living together we didnt need anything.
leogirl  Female  Essex
25-Jul-2020 20:05 Message #4787715
my daughter had the perfect white wedding dress wedding . it cost a fortune , but I never regretted " chipping in "
The bride and groom were both in their mid-thirties and spend a lot of their savings on the Big Day which they organised themselves with the help of a wedding planner.
It was perfect !
"yeah yeah " I hear you think, " are they still in love and together? Yes and closer than ever before after some really difficult years health-wise.

Victoriana11  Female  Buckinghamshire
25-Jul-2020 20:20 Message #4787716
I had the big white wedding with a 140 guests enjoying a sit down meal, and then 100 friends came along in the evening to enjoy a disco. I designed & made my dress and all the bridemaids, along with the bouquets and headresses & they were lovely. A friend gave us his caravan for the honeymoon at Jaywick Sands. It was July but it rained every single day & it was horrible My parents gave us the deposit for a house, for a weddin gift, so we were lucky. It wasnt the happiest of marriages, and he died in his 40's due to smoking.
HonestBob  Male  the Central region
26-Jul-2020 07:25 Message #4787734
No sorry, not for me. Huge amount of wasted money on a wedding, I think it's another keeping up with the Jones sagas....

Jennies wedding cost £20k and she had a horse drawn carriage.... I want a Zebra drawn carriage!

Chloes Dad sent her to Mexico for her honeymoon.... I want to do to Barbados!

Kim had a..... I want a....

You get what I'm saying. Which brings me swiftly on to they saying.... "Women love getting married, but they hate being married!"

My opinion on it, in the days where you married and were married for life, not just for the attention. When you married a virgin, not a woman spoiled by other men.... many other men. If there was traditional gender roles, not the mish mash of what ever we see today.... This nonsense of some women not taking the mans name, or hyphenating their names.... or even blood more ridiculous, the silly man taking the womans name!....

Perhaps I'm missing something..... What is in it for the man?

Is it happy wife happy life?
HotOrWot  Male  Lancashire
26-Jul-2020 08:51 Message #4787745
You're getting a bit too old for seeking a virgin Bob lol.
twinkle2  Female  Hertfordshire
26-Jul-2020 09:50 Message #4787750
My son got married four years ago after they'd been living together for twelve years. They're wedding was not expensive. They were married in a registry office, her dress came from a wedding dress outlet and my son bought a suit, flowers and floral decorations were constructed by the bride and her friends. The cake was made by a friend. The reception was probably where the most expense was occurred, it was held at a golf club with a three course meal followed by a disco but was not as expensive as some golf clubs. The bride and her friends decorated the tables where the reception was held. Guests stayed in a Travelodge over night. Friends and family took the photos.

Weddings don't have to cost a lot of money. Sometimes the weddings abroad are cheaper than here.

My wedding was arranged on a budget too. My dress and veil were hired, the bridesmaid dresses were made by family. My mother in law knew someone who made the cake and the flowers came from a local florist. We couldn't afford to pay for the bells to be rung :( We had a sit down meal for fifty in a pub. Our honeymoon was a week in a friend's caravan in Poole which was taken several months after the wedding.
terry  Male  West Yorkshire
26-Jul-2020 10:25 Message #4787754
Would I want one for son or daughter? my daughter wanted a white wedding so yes, I wanted her to have one and she had one, a very happy day for all.
My son? he like most men, hasn't a clue what he wants; he sometimes comes out with the crap one or two mysogynists on here come out with, but the reality is, like them, he's probably just looking for a mother figure and would be happy just going with the flow.
Molly  Female  Essex
26-Jul-2020 11:51 Message #4787762
You're right terry. You don't meet many men who worry very much about the wedding ceremony. They leave it to the bride and her mother.

HonestBob  Male  the Central region
27-Jul-2020 08:07 Message #4787822
"You're getting a bit too old for seeking a virgin Bob lol."

I might have to become a Muslim to get a virgin bride in this day and age....
HonestBob  Male  the Central region
27-Jul-2020 08:26 Message #4787823
"You don't meet many men who worry very much about the wedding ceremony. They leave it to the bride and her mother."

Would that also include the financial aspect of the lavish, or not so lavish wedding? Should the "lucky" groom to be just hand over his money to the bride and her mother, and just turn up in a suit on her big day?

If it does cost £10-£20k for a wedding.... It is a lot of money just to fork over for wifie and her mother to spend on..... their big day! Lol

Where does the man come into this? I would appear that some women just want the big day doesn't matter about the man.

"It doesn't matter which man, just any tall man, I just want a wedding like on TV!"
BOYDEL  Male  Surrey
27-Jul-2020 09:18 Message #4787826
In the era when many aspiring FTBs are complaining that the biggest hurdle for home ownership is getting the deposit together - lavish weddings do seem even more ridiculous.
BOYDEL  Male  Surrey
27-Jul-2020 09:37 Message #4787827
In the era when many aspiring FTBs are complaining that the biggest hurdle for home ownership is getting the deposit together - lavish weddings do seem even more ridiculous.
tumbled  Male  Gloucestershire
27-Jul-2020 09:39 Message #4787828
Double trouble....
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
27-Jul-2020 10:52 Message #4787830
Traditionally its been the brides family who pay for the wedding not the grooms.
BOYDEL  Male  Surrey
27-Jul-2020 14:15 Message #4787835
Agree it was traditional for bride's family to fund the weeding - but nowadays with higher expenses involved it is not uncommon for the couple themselves to fund much of the costs.

With half of UK households being net takers from Tax/Welfare system there will be millions of weddings where the family simply do not have the means to fund anything more than the most modest wedding (though I am sure many go in to debt to do so).
FirmButFair-TrollPatrol  Male  North Yorkshire
27-Jul-2020 15:40 Message #4787840
If it was only about money, investments and sensible savings then many weddings would be cancelled immediately but for many it is about everything except money.
Aely  Female  Hampshire
27-Jul-2020 21:12 Message #4787859
My younger daughter had a full white church wedding last October. It was all arranged by the Groom's family. They met on a Christian dating site. I wasn't asked to contribute although I did send my daughter a cheque.
My other daughter, who has had to postpone her own, much smaller wedding plans because of the pandemic, will receive the same amount. She has been living with her partner for several years and they are going for a registry office ceremony with no more than a dozen guests.

I think the groom's parents realised that as younger (than me), working parents who wished their son to be married "properly" they could not expect a widowed OAP to cough up the necessary readies so it was paid for by their family and the couple themselves.
HonestBob  Male  the Central region
28-Jul-2020 09:14 Message #4787878
"Agree it was traditional for bride's family to fund the weeding - but nowadays with higher expenses involved it is not uncommon for the couple themselves to fund much of the costs."

Yes this is true. Fella at my work is looking to get married, planned for 3 years from about now. He has went from doing no, or very little overtime, to being like myself and working every minute he can. Him and his future wife.... or future ex wife.... are paying for it themselves as both him and her only have single mothers, so can't really expect them to dig deep in their perceived financial situations.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
28-Jul-2020 12:17 Message #4787911
40 years ago, I paid for the whole bloomin' thing. And still my parents were griping over the arrangements.
And in retrospect, I carried on paying metaphorically for the next 17 yrs until we parted.
I reckon that if I had any offspring, I would be reluctant to recommend a wedding of any colour. I came to the conclusion long ago that men are women are not really designed for living together. Men like to be in charge and women hate being bossed around, so it's never going to work. Adjoining semis and meeting up in the mating season would seem to be a good compromise.

1 2 Next   Last  

 Back to top

 Help with conversations