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I need a strangers prespective

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Female
TunedIn  Female  central London 19-Dec-2019 01:31 Message #4765929
2 years ago i met a gentleman whom I felt an instant attraction to and the feeling was mutual. After a few dates it was apparent that we wanted different things, therefore remained friends.
During our 2 year friendship we hung out many times and had so much fun in one anothers company. We kissed twice and nothing more!
He has been in several relationships and has always felt comfortable sharing details with me.
I've dated a few times and i know he was jealous based on his actions towards me.
Anyway...... i left the country a few months ago and we still communicate via social mediums. 1month ago he confessed he is in love with me and has been since the day he met me.
He says he wants to be with me and begin a relationship.
I dont know what to do??? Yes i am in love with him, but we no longer live in the same country.
Secondly, i know he is a charmer and dont feel i can trust him enough to be with him.
What do i do??
(I am going to his country on holiday and he wants to see me)
Can i get a strangers prespective on this please.
Male
tumbled  Male  Gloucestershire 19-Dec-2019 01:54 Message #4765930
You're in luck.....You've come to the right place.....We're all therapists, Guidance Counselors, and experts on everything....chuck in a bit of political analyzing as well......and also would be comedians...

Some may even be qualified at something....

Anyway, my own strangers perspective, or strange perspective is:-

If you're already going to the country on holiday, then you may as well meet and discus things face to face.....Take things slowly....see what happens.....If you wanted different things before, then unless that has changed, you're going to still want different things......Sometimes 'love' comes into things when they or you are at a loose end....When you are with someone else...and they are with someone else, are you really in love with each then...and want to be with them at the expense of your other relationships.....Best of Luck...
Male
tumbled  Male  Gloucestershire 19-Dec-2019 01:54 Message #4765931
You're in luck.....You've come to the right place.....We're all therapists, Guidance Counselors, and experts on everything....chuck in a bit of political analyzing as well......and also would be comedians...

Some may even be qualified at something....

Anyway, my own strangers perspective, or strange perspective is:-

If you're already going to the country on holiday, then you may as well meet and discus things face to face.....Take things slowly....see what happens.....If you wanted different things before, then unless that has changed, you're going to still want different things......Sometimes 'love' comes into things when they or you are at a loose end....When you are with someone else...and they are with someone else, are you really in love with each then...and want to be with them at the expense of your other relationships.....Best of Luck...
Male
tumbled  Male  Gloucestershire 19-Dec-2019 01:55 Message #4765932
Crikey....a doubler.....It's like cracking an egg and finding a double yoker....Exciting....
Male
Nigel_In_Devon  Male  Devon 19-Dec-2019 04:33 Message #4765934
As you say...
"After a few dates it was apparent that we wanted different things"
"Secondly, i know he is a charmer and dont feel i can trust him enough to be with him."

For me, your 2 comments I have quoted say enough.
Male
HotOrWot  Male  Lancashire 19-Dec-2019 07:30 Message #4765936
Can i get a strangers prespective on this please.

It sounds more like infatuation than love. I would not bother to see him, I forget him and move on.
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 19-Dec-2019 09:50 Message #4765956
Sorry to say but this sounds like a way of keeping you dangling, he may genuinely have had a road to Damascus moment, but it sounds to easy to me, I'm not the most trusting of people, but thats what experience has taught me. I'd ask myself a selfish and important question, 'whats in it for me?', really whats in it for you? You've just moved to a new country and presumably are settling down and finding your feet, all this sounds as though he dosen't want you to move on. I'd seriously suggest that you ask him for his thoughts on moving to you, not you moving back to his country, if he comes up with reasons/excuses why he can't and weigh them up for reality and seriousness.
Female
Victoriana11  Female  Buckinghamshire 19-Dec-2019 12:21 Message #4765966
Go with your instincts - you feel you cannot trust him in a relation ship, so dont go there ! ........ DONT let your heart rule your head. It will only end in tears for YOU.
((hugs)) Vx
Male
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 19-Dec-2019 12:52 Message #4765969
Hmm you just happen to be going to his country on holiday?
You keep messaging him?
But you know he is a charmer and dont feel you can trust him enough to be with him?
Who is keeping who dangling exactly?...
Female
Topaz53  Female  Northamptonshire 19-Dec-2019 17:10 Message #4765991
Sounds like codependency to me.

But whatever prospective we give on your personal life you will do EXACTLY
what you want !!

You've probably already made your mind up regardless !
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 19-Dec-2019 20:33 Message #4766004
Kick him into touch. He's a shyster. Your OP tells me all I need to know. Of course he is charming, he wants to keep you dangling. If he wanted to be with you, he would have been before now. Don't be taken in by the so-called openness about other people, it is part of the while grooming and manipulation thing, to get you to accept the unacceptable. Having been there and got the T shirt, my advice is to run for the hills, my love. Though I don't expect you to take a blind bit of notice from me, he has you on a bit of string and if you carry on, you are complicit in your hurt and pain from this kind of man. The fallout is likely that you won't be able to trust anyone ever again and I have an idea that this kind of person gets off on that thought. I really hope that you will decide not to let him to do this too you.
Female
Victoriana11  Female  Buckinghamshire 19-Dec-2019 20:38 Message #4766006
excellent comments Minnie

v x
Female
eurostar  Female  Merseyside 19-Dec-2019 21:30 Message #4766008
go see him when on holiday and just see, gut feeling will let you know whether its a holiday fling or something else...you know what hes like...and you know what you want, second chances sometimes work...…...lol
Male
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 19-Dec-2019 22:21 Message #4766015
He hardly sounds like a cad if all you did in two years was kiss twice.
Maybe he's gay....

Female
NoSaint  Female  Devon 20-Dec-2019 06:34 Message #4766028
He sounds greedy. Why did he need the second kiss?
Female
TunedIn  Female  central London 21-Dec-2019 02:25 Message #4766145
Thank you so much for your response, as well as all the others up until this point.
I guess I have confirmation of what my gut instinct was telling me in the intirim.
This whole dating world is very new to me as I was married for 11 years and widowed 4.
Dipping my feet back into the waters is daunting however i am so greatful for forums like these where we can get a little advice on our way.
Thank you all onxe again.
Female
Mumsie  Female  Warwickshire 21-Dec-2019 14:24 Message #4766198
Get out of this so called relationship / friendship , as most have said , he is charming and dangling this love carrot in front of you , he will know , you will be feeling lonely , through you being a widow , he will have played on this ,
Try and get this man out of your life quickly, don't make yourself more stressed by his wanting you both to meet up .Weigh all this situation up of the time you have known this man ..Your gut is already telling you he is no good to you
Put this down to this new learning curve in dating .
Move on , he is no good to you , only playing on your emotions
Male
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 21-Dec-2019 15:29 Message #4766201
How weird (or not) that women see it differently and blame the bloke.
Why did you leave the country, were you running away from him?
You say you love him which is what he has said to you, so why is he the bad guy?
You've both dated and shared details with each other yet he's in the wrong?
It seems to me you want him as much as he apparently wants you, why would you keep the friendship alive if you think he is such bad news?
And why on earth would you tell him you are visiting his country, unless you are keen to meet him?
Hmm all very odd if you ask me...
Female
TunedIn  Female  central London 21-Dec-2019 21:21 Message #4766233
Hi there. Your absolutely right. Women see things far different from men i agree.
Just to explain a few things which i believe wasnt clear. I lived abroad for 20 years, in the same country as my male friend. We met a couple years ago like i said before. I wasnt looking for a relationship at that time, as i was still grieving i admit.
He was initially looking for a leg over i would say, however once we dated and learned more about each other we agreed friends would be more suitable.
During the past 2 years we have been out many times and had fun. Deep down i felt as though his feelings for me was more than just 'friendly' however our friendship was plutonic.
I knew of his dates and lovers imminently which led me to believe he was a womaniser.
I returned back to the uk to be closer to my family, however I still have a business abroad hence my visit.
My fear of trust stemed from knowing him as a friend.
Thank you for highlighting some more points on the matter.
Male
TheSarcasticOne  Male  Essex 22-Dec-2019 00:11 Message #4766265
TunedIn, you had a second thought, you had to ask advice and you questioned a gut feeling?

Do you think you should pay more attention to your inner self?
Female
eurostar  Female  Merseyside 22-Dec-2019 13:13 Message #4766317
Sometimes your inner self can uck it up too, especially if you, re inner self is in a mood and as Xmas and love and lust and memories are all around us at this time with alcohol it can get proper messy. Lol. Just go do what needs to be done and no regrets lol
Female
eurostar  Female  Merseyside 22-Dec-2019 13:13 Message #4766318
Sometimes your inner self can uck it up too, especially if you, re inner self is in a mood and as Xmas and love and lust and memories are all around us at this time with alcohol it can get proper messy. Lol. Just go do what needs to be done and no regrets lol


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