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The mental expenditure of being upbeat and positive.

Why do we even bother?

Beach  Male  Dorset
14-Nov-2019 22:48 Message #4762400
I’m incensed, enraged … and so, so frustrated.

I went out tonight feeling happy, cheery and full of the hopeful, philosophical outlook I like to believe I carry with me wherever I go. Yet I got crushed by a stupid, pointless argument that should never even have raised its head. A silly, minor, altercation that only occurred because a third party was stressed by some minuscule thing that shouldn’t have, by any stretch of the imagination, upset or deviated their own orbit in the first place.

My own sin?

I dared to offer a positive angle.

I dared to boost the atmosphere upwards. Lift the situation with positive outpourings.

Though … when that effort failed spectacularly, I dared to point out the failings of the person in question.

I dared to remind this person, (a close friend), that their petty, irrational way of dealing with their angst had already upset several of our group … and that it was a reoccurring theme that all of us had noticed and suffered on several previous occasions.

The person in question revels in taking the mick out of others BUT is incapable of dealing with things when that same device is aimed their way.

The group appreciated my intervention. Agreed with my outlook. Said it was about time someone had actually said something and brought the issue up but, of course, that didn’t change the lamentable dynamic of the situation.

I’m home now … feeling quite sick in my stomach … and I’m planning to give my local pub a wide berth for a while.

BTW. This isn’t a thread with a purpose or an aim or anything to debate.

I’m just venting my feelings out to you guys … just to let off some steam.

Sorry for this …

But I do feel better for putting pen to paper.
MrQuiet  Male  Northamptonshire
15-Nov-2019 07:22 Message #4762418
This can happen when you feel obliged to give an opinion rather than keep schtum. :)
Victoriana11  Female  Buckinghamshire
15-Nov-2019 08:08 Message #4762424
cos it gives us hope
JustLyn  Female  Cheshire
15-Nov-2019 09:19 Message #4762440
Sadly, some people take ownership of being miserable. They often can't help it, do trying to enlighten them just takes them out of their strange comfort zone.
You probably won't know what made them that way but it's often not in their power to choose another path without a lot of professional counseling.
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
15-Nov-2019 10:37 Message #4762450
What Lyn said, theres lots of people who can dish it out but can't take it, I think they must be very insecure people and probably bully's. Having said that I think we've all experienced the straw that breaks the camels back, we've had so many straws put on us that when someone adds another we blow up at them and it seems out of all proportion to what was asked. But I feel I'm often in a position of being a couple of straws away from a broken back, there are to many people on a "do me something" or one person who wants everything doing for them and throws a major hissy fit and start punnishing when someone says no to them.

I know you feel like crap now Beach, but you'd probably feel differently crap if you hadn't said what you did to the human muck spreader.
Beach  Male  Dorset
30-Nov-2019 19:55 Message #4763814
Thanks MSE'rs,

I haven't been in my local for ... 16 days.

I didn't mention it, (above), but the issue was actually to do with my friend ... the landlord!

He'd got a bee in his bonnet about a (new) replacement glass washer machine being the wrong type. (Having installed it himself, he then had to take it out again) ... and when a 2nd replacement glass washer had arrived, that too had been the wrong type ... and he had to take that 2nd one out again also ...

Fair enough, the guy was frustrated but ... he then proceeded to spend the whole evening in a blind rage, cursing customers and upsetting other bar staff.

The rub came when I got in his way by standing, innocently, by the raised hatch used by staff to enter or exit "behind the bar" and, although I politely apologised for being in his way, (aware he was already incensed about just about everything), he, ridiculously shouted, "You stand in front of there again ... and I'll barr you from the pub!"


I've been drinking there, off and on, for 40+ years.

I've been the guy to put myself in danger helping the staff eject aggressive punters. I've been the guy they phone when they have ANY kind of technical problem, any kind of mechanical PC related problem, any kind of business accounts problem. I'm the guy who prepares and donates all the hanging baskets in the beer garden. (With flowers from my own garden). I'm the guy who drops whatever I'm doing when they phone me for help in a score of different ways.

We're like family ... and I never charge them for anything. (I'm £30 per hour when it comes to PC related stuff but all I ever accept is a pint of lager ... or a coffee ... as recompense for any help I offer or provide.)
If I'd been aggressive, caused trouble or done anything to warrant being warned, let alone barred, I might have understood it but ... to be humiliated and threatened being barred ... for simply standing, sipping a beer in a local I have been using since I was in my 20's ... well ...

That's why and when I chose to tell a few home truths.

And seriously? Despite missing my friends, I have no intention of walking through those doors again.

A pub should be a watering hole we can step into to forget our own worries, enjoy ourselves and let down our hair.

It isn't a place where we should feel worse leaving than when we came in.
And you guys know ...

I love my adventures down the Hope and Anchor ... and have never had a bad word to say about it ... until now.

... and I would normally be heading their way just about ... right now ...
It's a shame, isn't it? But how would you feel ... to be made so unwelcome ... in a watering hole, restaurant or favourite place you might have been using for over 40 years ... by people you had only ever helped and always regarded as close, true, friends?
Beach  Male  Dorset
30-Nov-2019 20:19 Message #4763815
Oh look.

In my original post, written immediately I got home from the altercation a couple of weeks ago, I proceeded to relate that; "a third party was stressed by some minuscule thing that shouldn’t have, by any stretch of the imagination, upset or deviated their own orbit in the first place.

I acknowledged, however, in my latest post, (above), that "Fair enough, the guy was frustrated." so, sure, my "any stretch of the imagination" comment isn't as relevant now as it felt back then!

I'd still claim that being so incensed by a failed glass washer unit installation shouldn't spill over into the hospitality issue of running a pub.

I guess that an element of hindsight has materialised since I wrote that first statement ... and I recognise that fact ... just in case you guys bring up that discrepancy. :-)

Doesn't stop me feeling affronted though, does it? ;-)
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire
30-Nov-2019 22:36 Message #4763822
Sometimes when we become inexplicably upset that is seemingly out of proportion to the actual event, that signals that the feelings may not be of that time. i.e. that they are more to do with unresolved feelings that have built up from an earlier event or series of events. Getting uncharacteristically angry can also be sign of stress, some illnesses or substance abuse. Also extreme anxiety for women will often cause them too cry, but it often comes out as an outburst of anger instead with men, as a more socially acceptable way of blowing off steam. Could there be something else going on for your friend and you were the unfortunate who copped it when the valve finally blew?
Of course, he might just be a bad tempered old git and it is none of those things, but do you really want to cut off your nose to spite your face, Mr Beach?
Nigel_In_Devon  Male  Devon
1-Dec-2019 04:58 Message #4763829
Beach..."Doesn't stop me feeling affronted though, does it?"

No it doesn't stop you feeling affronted, if that is your choice on how to feel. So many of these feelings really are down to personal choice.
Beach  Male  Dorset
1-Dec-2019 06:46 Message #4763831
Hi Nigel,

I hear what you are saying but, really, I think it is as Minnie infers. ie A longer build up of events.

Having to show deference to this guy despite his history of immature stamping of feet has become a tedious case of stepping on eggshells ... for so many years and, I am not alone in this, we, as customers, as punters, as locals, have just about had enough of the tantrums.

The canary in the mine.

Put it another way. If the guy has even managed to pee me off, I promise you he is in trouble because I'm one of the loyal old crew that has been around as part of the furniture for decades and so many like me are the establishments bread and butter.

Anyway. It no longer matters because I won't be spending a further shilling in the establishment.

You'll hear no further reference to the place from me.

Morning all. :-)

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