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im so sad

Female
shewolf  Female  Somerset 16-Oct-2019 23:30 Message #4758688
we had my brothers funeral yesterday he was 47 and died of natural causes he was younger than me I cant get it in my head my baby brother gone
When I saw his coffin that really got me and I cried all the way through and that's not the worst the last words I had with my brother were in a argument I never got to say sorry and now I never can and I cant take the words back im so sad so please people at the end of each day say sorry and that you love them or you might end up like me and never get the chance
Male
Beach  Male  Dorset 17-Oct-2019 00:10 Message #4758689
Having had a row with your brother in no way stops the decades of togetherness, fun, adventures or love you would have shared from being as real now as they ever and always were so you have no need to let the memory of those crossed words overwrite that fact.

I’m no counsellor but I’d be thinking / saying that it would be way more important to look after your great memories of your brother rather than fretting over ‘not saying sorry’ and letting negative feelings be a hindrance to so many positive memories.

Allow a day or two to pass, Shewolf, and let your emotions and feelings settle a little.

I felt similar a couple of week ago on realising I could have said hello to one of my bestest friends called Squawk.

He passed away suddenly a few days after that and I realised I’d made a mistake and was very heavy hearted that I hadn't taken enough time out to track him down BUT I wasn’t going to let that sadness spoil even one fantastic memory of Squawk … and I didn’t.

You’ll make sense of all this, Shewolf.

Just be gentle with yourself.

Take care,

Beach
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 17-Oct-2019 01:51 Message #4758694
What Beach says. Don't beat yourself up, my love. We are our own harshest critics. x
Female
Topaz53  Female  Northamptonshire 17-Oct-2019 08:30 Message #4758714
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and you must be feeling devastated after such an emotional rollercoaster.

We all argue with our love one's, it's only natural . Guilt, anger is all part of grief but I totally agree with beech.

Please don't beat yourself up over some cross words, and take care of yourself. I hope you have some good support around you.

xxxx
Female
Helper icon Helper
PrincessFruitBat  Female  Essex 17-Oct-2019 09:07 Message #4758717
Shewolf, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Try to heed Beach's good advice and be kind to yourself. x
Male
terry  Male  West Yorkshire 17-Oct-2019 16:42 Message #4758789
x
Female
Sea  Female  Essex 17-Oct-2019 17:22 Message #4758798
Sending you a big HUG. It is only natural to think back to the, if onlys and things said and unsaid etc. especially if you do lose somebody suddenly. I know exactly how you feel, as lost my husband when only 46. You really do have to take one day at a time and just try to think of the good times. Agree with all that Beach says. Good Advise. (((Hugs))) x
Female
Victoriana11  Female  Buckinghamshire 18-Oct-2019 13:31 Message #4758895
Shewolf - I am so sorry my love (((hug))))
V x
Female
nellieredshoes  Female  West Yorkshire 18-Oct-2019 13:42 Message #4758897
Thinking of you. Be kind to yourself x
Female
shewolf  Female  Somerset 22-Oct-2019 19:55 Message #4759892
Thankyou all for your kind words and beech what you said has hit home you may not be a councillor but what you said has made me think and the good thing about this if there is a good thing is his ashes are going to be spread around mums tree which we had planted in here memory after her death which is weird she died on the 15th of October 7 ears ago and my brothers funeral was the 15th of October

I LOVE YOU MALCOLM xxx
Female
shewolf  Female  Somerset 22-Oct-2019 19:55 Message #4759893
Thankyou all for your kind words and beech what you said has hit home you may not be a councillor but what you said has made me think and the good thing about this if there is a good thing is his ashes are going to be spread around mums tree which we had planted in here memory after her death which is weird she died on the 15th of October 7 ears ago and my brothers funeral was the 15th of October

I LOVE YOU MALCOLM xxx
Female
shewolf  Female  Somerset 22-Oct-2019 19:56 Message #4759894
Thankyou all for your kind words and beech what you said has hit home you may not be a councillor but what you said has made me think and the good thing about this if there is a good thing is his ashes are going to be spread around mums tree which we had planted in here memory after her death which is weird she died on the 15th of October 7 ears ago and my brothers funeral was the 15th of October

I LOVE YOU MALCOLM xxx
Male
mancers  Male  Greater Manchester 22-Oct-2019 20:27 Message #4759901
I’m sure Malcolm loved you too, as people said remember all the good times, don’t beat yourself up.
Female
Mumsie  Female  Warwickshire 23-Oct-2019 09:34 Message #4759997
Sorry to read of your brothers death
Some sensible advice from Beach for you maybe to follow, which can help you get through this sad time
May you start to feel some peace soon
Perhaps write your brother a letter , as if to send to him , this may help you start to heal .

Male
Beach  Male  Dorset 23-Oct-2019 18:42 Message #4760057
You’re very welcome, SheWolf … and thank you. x

I’m sure I can speak for others when I say that we’re all pleased to learn that you have rallied your thoughts positively and are doing such a loving thing in honouring Malcolm by spreading his ashes around your mums tree.
---
You know I mentioned Squawk? (Above).

I’ve kept Dave’s funeral service “invite” in the car with me since the service that Tuesday and I’m able to look at a great photo of him on the cover and, occasionally, ask Squawk for suggestions while driving.

“What do you think, Squawk? Should I go left through Crewkerne or go straight across and go Yeovil way to Ilchester?”

“OK. Let’s go Yeovil way”, I find myself saying … and that little card continues to inspire me and keeps Dave in my mind each time I glance at the tray beneath the glove box.

Is he company? No. Not in the usual sense … but is he with me in the car? Yep. Of course he is … and I hear his familiar voice and laugh … without needing my ears … because he’s inside my head already! :-)
Male
MASTICBOB  Male  Hampshire 24-Oct-2019 05:47 Message #4760089
For what its worth---- I found that I "wrote" a letter--read it every day until I was satisfied and then BURNT it as final --thereby getting rid of the GUILTY FEELINGS----hope this helps and may your Brother find a safe Anchoragexx
Female
shewolf  Female  Somerset 26-Oct-2019 18:14 Message #4760472
Thankyou everyone I don't know what else to say but thanks xx


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