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Letting it all out or bottling it up

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terry  Male  West Yorkshire 2-Oct-2019 08:11 Message #4755634
Health warning*
This thread may raise memories of the past that people may not wish to remember.

We all have bad times in our lives, when we feel at our lowest, I'm not asking you to recount those times (unless you feel it helps) but I wondered what gets you through them? what keeps you going when all is black, and what helps you see the light of a future? if anything?
Does talking help? is writing your feelings down a help? throwing things? hitting walls? running marathons? what helps - if anything?
tsunamiwarrior  Male  Hertfordshire 2-Oct-2019 08:43 Message #4755636
The most obvious thing during the bad times is family. It may have saved me from something terrible. I feel for the many people I meet with no family and no-one close to turn to.
Neros1954  Male  Devon 2-Oct-2019 10:40 Message #4755652
I worked with a salesman who banged, kicked and threw things. He was like a child and he had broken his phone, printer and chair while having a tantrum. It did make him feel better though.
Good2BWith  Male  West Yorkshire 2-Oct-2019 10:48 Message #4755657
terry Sex icon 2-Oct-2019 08:11

"... what keeps you going when all is black, ..."
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 2-Oct-2019 11:33 Message #4755661
It depends on the bad time, if its a short term thing then I can throw a whopping tantrum and break things, which I actually quite enjoy, I don't do it very often, I save it for special occaissons, computers and options menus when calling a call centre are likely to start me off especially when I get told to go online when I've got no broadband or I'm not allowed to speak to a human.

If ts something longer term and deeper then talking about it helps, I think seing a professional counsellor or therapist is best as they don't know you or any of the people involved, are neutral and not judgemental, its their job so I've felt that I'm not burdening them with my problems. Because they're not "in" the problem they can often help you to see things mmore objectively. I think of a counsellor in two ways, one is someone to hold your hair out of the way and hand you tissues whilst you emotionally vomit, and the second, is as someone who can walk with you through your personal forest and ask if whats iin front of you is wood or a tree?
brisinger  Male  Lancashire 2-Oct-2019 12:04 Message #4755662
At the moment Facebook closed groups where people are in a similar situation to oneself to really understand. You can pour out your troubles and stresses in the knowledge that many are actually or have actually walked in your shoes. So called clinical "professionals" are usually obviously working from a textbook they have used to study from rather than the real world and are just patronizing. They just come out with emotional diarrhoea. There are some times and things that family are too close to home and you just need a Desert Island to go and scream on.
Good2BWith  Male  West Yorkshire 2-Oct-2019 13:47 Message #4755677
terry Sex icon 2-Oct-2019 08:11

"... what keeps you going when all is black, ..."
tsunamiwarrior  Male  Hertfordshire 2-Oct-2019 14:02 Message #4755679
Different people respond to different interactions. i don't like sharing my problems with others so I tend to moan but not dicuss which I think is a bad thing. A lot of the homeless guys we work with have no-one to talk to other than other homeless guys so they often group together and drink.
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 2-Oct-2019 19:04 Message #4755738
Bris I'd say that depends on who you see, when I was taught counselling we were taught that you have two ears and one mouth and they should be used in that proportion, a counsellor shouldn't being giving advise, except maybe in general terms to see a GP or something. As a counsellor you're not there to advice, you are there to listen, to help people sort out their emotional muddles, not tell them what to do and cetainly not from some textbook.
eurostar  Female  Merseyside 2-Oct-2019 20:56 Message #4755750
I clean when worried,
I cycle when stressed
I garden when angry

I was taught years ago to turn negative energy into something positive when possible.

all other times, I,cry and stamp my feet lol
NoSaint  Female  Devon 2-Oct-2019 22:58 Message #4755789
I like to kick something.
brisinger  Male  Lancashire 2-Oct-2019 23:25 Message #4755799
A friend of mine grills sausages to spikes them with a fork when her hubby has annoyed her ;-)
terry  Male  West Yorkshire 3-Oct-2019 06:42 Message #4755810
That sounds an interesting way Bris. wonder what's going through her mind as she does that?
RAACH84  Female  Buckinghamshire 3-Oct-2019 10:39 Message #4755853
I usually sit and scowl and make angry grunting noises. I got this description from my 16 year old daughter a few minutes ago.

mancers  Male  Greater Manchester 3-Oct-2019 11:02 Message #4755857
I usually bottle things up but when it gets too much I have a hissy fit.
CloudChaser  Female  Cornwall 3-Oct-2019 12:43 Message #4755898
Survival instinct kicks in if the situation is really bad or even life threatening. For less threatening situations I find occupying the mind with something, keeping busy no matter how tired you are and not dwelling on the situation. Talk yourself into feeling better and more positive. Our brains are powerful tools, we can learn to heal our bodies and our minds. If you keep thinking how bad things are or how ill you feel then things won't improve and will either stay as they are or get worse. You have to stop being a victim and start controlling your thoughts.

Family may be helpful if you feel you can speak about your problems to them, but if you don't have any family, and maybe no friends either, then everything's down to you so you have to hold yourself together and try to carry on regardless.
dragonfever  Male  Warwickshire 3-Oct-2019 15:02 Message #4755918
As the old saying goes "When you're going through hell, keep going"
If that means faking it enough to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other, that's what you do.
Friends, loved ones, (even fellow MSE members) can help, not as sounding boards, but as insperation examples to keep going.
Sometimes talking helps, sometimes it doesn't - who/what/where/etc - its a personal call.
Ultimatly "... keep going", you may not know what the new horizion is going to look like, but you'll know it when to see it.
joolsy  Female  Essex 3-Oct-2019 18:07 Message #4755952
Im the same dragon fever .i always keep going .what ever lol .if im worried i clean .if im cross i iron lol .but mostly im a happy positive person .and everyday is wonderful lol
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 3-Oct-2019 18:53 Message #4755967
Its different for different people, you do have to keep going, even when and especially when you decide on a course of counselling/therapy, of course thats rather different to talking with family and friends, many of whom seem determind to lead you deeper into your internal thckets. Learning to control ones thoughts is a big part of the theraputic process, learning to ask yourself 'whats the worst thing that can reasonably happen here?' Often people don't know the difference between ordinary garden variety panic and paranoia and when its something more serious, we've probably all had someone late home and in the course of 10 minutes have decided they're dead and planned their funeral and everything. You need to have people around you who are prepared to be unbiased and honest, who are willing to tell you gently that everyone feels/does that and its normal. I think its often when people have no one to help them normalise thing that they get out of control.
Aely  Female  Hampshire 3-Oct-2019 19:42 Message #4755987
Gardening helps. Physical labour or tending the plants. It's amazing how quickly the digging gets done if I am in a strop.
MrQuiet  Male  Northamptonshire 4-Oct-2019 05:54 Message #4756064
I bottle it up. I have always told others this is the worst thing to do.
KatieBubbles  Female  West Sussex 7-Oct-2019 07:29 Message #4756625
I swear.
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 7-Oct-2019 11:45 Message #4756656
I agree Aely, its one thing I miss about having a real fire, I don't get to chop wood any more, chopping a big log into sections was a great way to cure anger, I could just image it was the persons head.

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