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A difficult subject

terry  Male  West Yorkshire 10-Sep-2019 06:37 Message #4751826
World Suicide Prevention Day

This year the focus is on those bereaved by suicide. Many of us will have our own views on this, some of us may be survivors, some of us may have been bereaved. The emotions triggered by suicide can be different for us all, the impact can be life changing, devastating, lifelong.
If we need to break the stigma about anything in this world today, suicide has to be up there near the top, and suicide bereavement may even be at the top.
Start talking.

To anyone struggling, to anyone bereaved, there is someone to talk to.
A_man_called_CHIOG  Male  South East London 10-Sep-2019 08:30 Message #4751839
It’s heartbreaking to lose someone close but if they take their own life it must be worse than ever. Maybe wondering if you have done something wrong, not done enough, should have known?
I get angry at how judgemental others can be about the suicide victim because whatever the reasons they are obviously not in a good place.
Victoriana11  Female  Buckinghamshire 10-Sep-2019 09:09 Message #4751843
It happened to a close friend of mine some 10 years ago, He was the life & soul of the party and none of us knew there were any problems. Sadly, he was Bi-polar but no one knew. He managed to keep it under wraps. If only he had talked about it, it just might have helped. So easy for us to look back and say that now, but we had no idea he had any problems. He seemed to have everything to live for - he had lots of friends ( no relatives though)and although he lived alone, he was always into some project or other. He was very popular with the ladies. He was loving and affectionate,& kind and thoughtful........ yet it still happened. He was 58 at the time.
Sea  Female  Essex 10-Sep-2019 11:13 Message #4751868
Suicide is difficult to prevent and as many say afterwards, if only they knew, and they kept it well hidden etc. The thing is that if anyone does feel suicidal they are unlikely to tell anyone. I kind of have an insight, as thoughts did cross my mind, when I lost my husband to a brain tumour many years go now. I did have three daughters though and couldn't let them face another loss but without them who knows. People would say how brave I was and how well I was coping but I wasn't. I was permanently shaking inside, feeling anxious and forever ending up in floods of tears. But they did not see that. I just felt useless and that I couldn't do anything and couldn't make decisions. But everyone has their own lives to live and you do not want to be sending them on a guilt trip, worrying about you, by voicing thoughts. I also very nearly phoned the Samaritans at the time but didn't, because in those days BT had itemised phone bills and my daughters looked through, as paid for calls they had made, so would not want them to see. Mobiles not in general use then. Thankfully I came through it but when you do feel really down, you are too far down to actually be able to seek out the help you need, and you feel that you are just a burden and everybody would be better off without you etc. etc.
terry  Male  West Yorkshire 10-Sep-2019 14:20 Message #4751901
So glad you came through it Sea Urchin, hope things are in some way more settled for you. It's worth mentioning - though you will know far better than me, grief takes it's own time to settle, 1 year, 10 years, sometimes never.
That was a problem with the old BT system, Samaritans is now a free number and shouldn't show on bills.
What's really needed now is to get people talking about suicide, take away the stigma, especially though not only, amongst men who are at risk. Perhaps one way might be to talk about it more in schools? the youngest person I know of who ended their life was 11 years old - tragic.
RAACH84  Female  Buckinghamshire 10-Sep-2019 15:28 Message #4751906
We talk to pupils about bullying, racism and homophobia and some have been very depressed and one recently was self harming. It's good if we can catch them in time and see they get help before they take such drastic action. I dont think any of those I have spoken to have contemplated suicide.
JustLyn  Female  Cheshire 10-Sep-2019 15:39 Message #4751907
At age 16 I wanted to die, could see no point in life, yet could not pin down any reason I felt so low. I recall standing at the sink with razors and didn't have the courage to go through with it.

Oddly enough, I was a cadet nurse in A&E at the time, just clearing up and stocking cupboards etc. but I recall being shocked at the amount of suicide attempts were coming in, and the lack of empathy, then, the doctors and nurses showed behind the scenes. They did the necessary for the patients but comments were things like suicide patients were just trying to attract attention.

Even at age 16 I reflected on this and though no. I wanted to die because I felt worthless. No one made me feel worthless, I just did not fit in. I realise now that I am probably autistic and embrace my quirkiness, but then I was confused.

I muddled on, having time off sick and even told this to my GP around 1960. He was lovely and listened, prescribed a drug that didn't work, but it was not long after that his name was in the paper. He had died of cancer and knew this when he was listening to me!

Go forward to my interview to be a mental health student nurse. I was asked why I thought I could do the job so I told the truth. I said that I had empathy with people who want to die, my experience as a cadet, and that when I had felt that way it was not to get attention but to give people I loved a relief from having me in their world.

I learned about basically two types of depression and it is amazing how personal experience can help me in my work. In those days I was taught about intrinsic depression which is from within and does not have an obvious reason. Then later, whilst I was on MSE actually back in 2008, extrinsic depression. This is caused by circumstances and the pressure and stress of things going on our lives. I recall thinking, during that time, if anyone would chop my legs off in exchange for getting rid of the horrible fog and mental pain of depression I would get the axe for them.

It was at a time when nurses should smile all the time, and people would say how efficient and happy I looked, but one night at home I was helped by a lovely guy called Ron who worked in the Samaritans. Then I got up for work the next day and put one foot in front of the other because I could not leave my children as I was supporting them and they depended on me for their safety.

I am so grateful I recovered.
JustLyn  Female  Cheshire 10-Sep-2019 15:42 Message #4751909
When my daughter was self-harming, it was my first husband's wife who had trained as a prison warden who told me that she had been taught that self harming is a way to feel physical pain to relieve the emotional pain. She also said that 95% of them have been sexually abused.

She said that instead of cutting, the prisoners are advised to put an rubber band around their wrists and snap those to get the pain rather than slice the skin.
QueSara  Female  Hampshire 10-Sep-2019 16:22 Message #4751915
Personally I find the support available for those of us who live with a depressed person minimal, I have been with my partner for 20 years and he has been suicidal for the past 5 or 6.
When times are bad I do a Google search and its all about support for the depressed person and very limited for those who are suffering just as much. I am happy to be pointed in the right direction if I am missing it!
Each case is different obviously but its time society took account of those who chose to be with a depressed person and who acknowledge that in between they are indeed very special people.
JustLyn  Female  Cheshire 10-Sep-2019 18:09 Message #4751927

You might be classed as a carer if your partner is on benefits and your GP should code this and offer you at least an annual review. I know it doesn't sound much and easy to say, but I found attending a good Buddhist Centre helped me, but it isn't a specific Buddhist thing. With my daughter who was/is often bedridden at home it was a life of waiting and hopes being dashed over and over again. So I had to learn to step back and get a life.

It was actually 2 women who were Catholic and on the same course as me who gave me an analogy after I complained how impossible it felt to be happy when so many around us can be in such pain. They said if on an aircraft and only one oxygen feed and the plane is going to crash, you give yourself the oxygen because as the carer, you need to be strong and healthy first to continue to support the person who needs you.

I found a book by Pema Chodron helpful "When Things Fall Apart".
QueSara  Female  Hampshire 10-Sep-2019 18:47 Message #4751932
Thank you, we aren't on benefits and my partner refuses all medical intervention,
For myself I know my self care is important and practise both yoga and meditation.
I will look for that book, thank you.
I think there are many strong women like us who would benefit from some sort of online support group.
Good2BWith  Male  West Yorkshire 11-Sep-2019 07:52 Message #4752018
Why have suicide levels risen among young people and what can be done to tackle this?
Ben Windsor-Shellard September 10, 2019
Categories: ONS, Wellbeing

"Every year, organisations and communities come together on World Suicide Prevention Day to raise awareness of how we can create a society where fewer people reach the point where they feel suicide is their only option.
Ben Windsor-Shellard from ONS and
Charlotte Simms from Samaritans
reflect on the latest suicide figures for young people."

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