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Social lepers!

RumBassiousPenguin  Male  Essex 6-Aug-2019 15:31 Message #4747707
Do you think an older single male is a social leper?

When did a couple last ring a single male and say "We're going out - want to join us?" Hmmm...

We are not all sexual predators but that'show society regards us. I have one female friend that I could ask out to lunch (for example) without any sexual connotations. I find this a tad unusual, how do you see this?

terry  Male  West Yorkshire 6-Aug-2019 16:35 Message #4747714
Interesting question, I was just thinking of starting a thread about men and emotions.
With the single female friends, quite often it's not a problem and I've soon found the ones who will go and the ones who won't and don't really find it unusual...just the ones who don't come out prefer to go out with female friends and that's ok even though sometimes frustrating when they say "yeah, we'll have to sometime..."
Couples is a different matter, they do seem to stick to going out with other couples, again, I'm used to that.
I find it's more a case of going where and doing what.
NotHermit  Male  Derbyshire 6-Aug-2019 17:25 Message #4747719
Why not arrange to go out together.

You could have adventures and tell us all about it.
We would all enjoy Penguin and Terry stories!
NotHermit  Male  Derbyshire 6-Aug-2019 17:38 Message #4747721

Penguin and Terry go to the pub.
Penguin and Terry go to the pub 2.
Penguin and Terry go fishing.
Penguin and Terry go to a massage parlour.
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 6-Aug-2019 18:39 Message #4747730
I don't think its just single men who get that from couples a lot of single women do too and its not single men who I've found to predatory but married ones, many seem to have the idea that you must be lonely and desperate for sex and that they can "help" you with it, its never the blokes you think would be like that are like that, its the quiet ones who seem to be happily married, often to one of your good friends.
Beach  Male  Dorset 6-Aug-2019 20:58 Message #4747747
I’d question why the word old was needed in the original post and I’d question why the emotive phrase social leper was included.

I anticipate some old chestnuts like narcissistic, arrogant or superior will be thrown my way, (also emotive phrases designed to needlessly sensationalise), but shouldn’t we all have the right to express a confidence or a healthy self esteem in defending ourselves when being asked such loaded questions?

You generalise when you state, “We are not all sexual predators but that's how society regards us”, to which I have to reply, Why, how, where have you gleaned such a, profoundly, devastating set of statistics from? Though your next sentence helps us to add context to your distressing claim … when you confess, “I have one female friend that I could ask out to lunch (for example) without any sexual connotations.”

So … really … We are not witnessing or reading about some revelatory new piece of research backing up your sexual predator claim. Rather, we are just at the sharp end of an angst filled Penguin happening to relate a perception of, (his own), world from the perspective of being an observer to his own life … not the life of every older single male … or social leper.

Me? I’m an older single male but I know people love me. I know I am valued. And, being a gregarious fellow, or superior, psychotic, narcissistic, self absorbed nutcase … which is the other word for gregarious fellow on here, ;-), I get invited out by couples, (throwing parties), friendship groups meeting up and / or others who appreciate me.

As for age or being single?

At the very least, apart from being a friend, (to others), I also recognise I am a resource … a resource to be used, (or even abused), if I can help share a load, offer a shoulder … or just be Chris when Chris is needed … and in such social circumstances, my age or my relationship status matters little!

Perhaps … Perhaps there is a reason why others view you the way they do. I mean; you wrote something a tad crude about ‘Beach’ a few months ago … and yes, it was funny … but it was also sexual … and it was a bit close to the knuckle so … perhaps … evaluating how you are perceived by others will help shift the narrative for you.

OK. Back in the room! :-)

A short, Common Room style answer, replacing my, obviously, cruel and pompous judgmental thoughts, (He says tongue in cheek), might have read, “Jeez, Pengy. If you’ve only got one female friend who will recognise the sincere, straight, non predatory man that you are, it must be time to expand your social circle”. :-)
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 6-Aug-2019 21:44 Message #4747753
Don't think the sentiment is confined to men. I just don't think that couples socialise with singles that much; the reason for which, I would not like to guess.
That said, I go to a local(ish) music venue on my own quite a bit and it is always the couples who speak to me.
OnlineMSE  Male  Essex 6-Aug-2019 21:45 Message #4747754
Two's company. Three's a crowd.
Judance  Female  Berkshire 6-Aug-2019 22:31 Message #4747764
Couples have the advantage of having another person to go out and about with and therefore don't regularly think about inviting any singles they might know.

I am lucky enough to have a married friend who likes to go out to the theatre and such with me as opposed to going with her husband. We share common interests. I also have a single male friend that I can go out with for a drink/meal/concert/races and we have also been on holiday together as friends.

I feel that it's only by getting out there in the first place that you meet like-minded people who are in the same boat and would probably appreciate making a connection.

My (male) friend and I were sitting outside a pub at the weekend and were joined at our table by two ladies who were visiting a mutual friend. We had a very interesting half-hour's chatting before they had to leave but not before I'd given my number for them to pass on to the friend who had recently moved to the area and knew no-one. Today I have enjoyed a (rather long) walk with the lady and her dog and I have invited her along to a social event I'm going to later in the week.

Is this a woman thing, or would a man do the same? I'd be interested to hear your views
HonestBob  Male  the Central region 6-Aug-2019 23:24 Message #4747780
"Do you think an older single male is a social leper?"

I thinking depends on the social setting. If you're a man of any age, single or not, and you hang around somewhere where there is children or women, yes you probably will be seen as a "leper"

If you are down the football with your mates, no I don't think you would be.

I think being a single, childless woman at 35 have the most social leprosy as you might say. I recently have became friends with a woman of 29, she will be 30 soon. Same as myself, long term single. I'm doing well, she is appearing well on the surface, but underneath I'm really concerned for her well being, regarding how her relationship status is effecting her. Also how her child birthing years are on they downward spiral.... and she knows it!

"When did a couple last ring a single male and say "We're going out - want to join us?" Hmmm. "

Suppose same for single women.

"We are not all sexual predators but that'show society regards us. "

No, certainly not. But that definitely is how society looks at us, as well as being second class citizens. Feminism and media are to blame. Society treats men, especially white men like something they stood on, until we collectively stand up, it will continue, of not get worst.

I'm not a social person, so doesn't bother me about going out and being seen as a leper. One thing that really got my goat, so to speak....

Was looking at joining a gym in the town centre, a big multi national gym, my brother goes to the same one, only in a different town, and he speaks volumes of the place. So onto their website I went to look at booking an induction. I came across a "Women only area"! It's an area in the gym where only women are permitted to use..... lucky them! So I phone up and asked a few questions....

1. Women clearly get more out of their membership. Does that mean men's membership is less?


2. If I come in at 18:00, and there are 10 treadmills, and half are used by men, other half by women, will there be a company official asking the women do move into the women only areas, to use the vacant equipment in there that isn't available to me..... based on my gender?


Needless to say I won't be joining a gym that treats men like this.

So maybe, we need to look more in to gender segregation! Plently of women only this, women only that groups, and club ECT because men are so God awful.

I'd probably be more social, if we had men only events, clubs ECT. Certainly if a men only gym opened up near me..... oh! I'd be in there!
Aely  Female  Hampshire 7-Aug-2019 12:55 Message #4747815
As an elderly, long time widowed, non alcohol drinker without a car I am a social leper. Since my local buddy, Clive, retired and left the area to be nearer family members a few years ago my social life has been near to zero. We would occasionally have lunch together, go to a show or concert or just hang out.
We have a theatre/entertainment venue in the next town but if I go on the bus (alone) I can't guarantee to get transport back unless I leave early (alone). I went to our local pub a few years back just for a bit of company but I was met with obvious hostility and muttering from the convivial gatherings there as I was depriving them of a seat and I gradually got forced into a remote corner to drink my orange juice alone.

Our town's community centre was shut a while back. It will be demolished to make way for flats.

The few social outings I do get are with my daughter who travels 40 miles from her home to oblige me once or twice a year. Last summer we socialised with the primates at Monkey World, had lunch at a local pub (now closed down) on my 70th birthday and went to see comedian Rich Hall. So far this year I have been on a canal boat trip (with a group where I knew one person when it started and one person when it finished, another trip with my daughter and her partner (Rich Hall again - they like Rich Hall) and traveled to her place for a Chinese take-away and a game of scrabble with her and her partner.
Nemesis  Female  Dorset 10-Aug-2019 09:47 Message #4748187
I have to agree with Hen. Single women get excluded too.

Once you are single your married friends no longer find you an attractive proposition. In my experience married men assume you are 'gagging for it' if you've been single for any amount of time and therefore happy to help them cheat on their wives, whilst professing to be in a happy but sexless marriage. No thanks.

I guess that's why a lot of singles join social media sites like this one.
RumBassiousPenguin  Male  Essex 12-Aug-2019 16:57 Message #4748451
Interesting views for sure., although I disagree with one poster's opinion of me.
Andromeda  Female  Berkshire 12-Aug-2019 22:13 Message #4748484
I socialise in groups where I am the only single and in others with single makes but I don’t detect any thoughts within the groups of anyone being a sexual predator. I’ve been for lunch, evening drinks and cinema with single men without any sexual on the agenda.

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