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Midsummer's Eve is a free online dating community - based around friendship, real meetups, real people, and real relationships. We've been online since 1999 and have twice won Radio 2's Web Site of the Day award. So why not join us for free and join in the discussion?

We seem to have reached that thread time again

Well, it seems like it to me anyway...so here goes...

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Male
tumbleweed  Male  Gloucestershire 27-May-2019 19:50 Message #4740795
Do we want the site to continue?

It seems to be getting less and less all the time...some new blood every now and again, but they don't stay around for long...so the same old same old.

Boring bunch of tossers, aren't we?

On another thread, a thread raised by a 'fake' or 'scammer' or whatever, it was pointed out by some of the few posters that the only interesting things left on the site are the 'fakes' and 'scammers', the dual 'personalities etc...I kind of agree..

We all probably think we can raise the game a bit, but usually fail miserably...Speaking for myself, I try every now and again, I put a bit of effort in to start a thread or two, or add a post to others...posts that I think are interesting enough to at least get some response...but often nobody is interested at all...Two of the threads of mine that have got most posts have both got 'scum' in the title...Is that the kind of thing that people want?...They certainly don't want anything else it seems.

And now with the licence thing, I was going to chase that up with ukcentric, but they don't seem interested, and not many others seem interested, so as it stands at the moment, I can't be bothered contacting them either...on another day, I may get some enthusiasm back, but today not.

Anyway, back to the original question, how many people want the site to continue?...speak up, I can't hear you.
Female
sunnyagain  Female  Hampshire 27-May-2019 20:28 Message #4740796
I'll admit to being guilty as I only visit the site to reply to a rare message and return a hug on a Sunday. But I did try emailing the help address-it was returned 'inbox full'.

It would be a shame if the site vanished as so many have put so much into making it the site it had become-but it's nothing like it was when I joined over 10 years ago.

Personally this site, then, was great, I made friends and they and the site helped me through really tough times so I would like it to continue. I even used to pay for essentials on a regular basis!
Male
terry  Male  West Yorkshire 27-May-2019 21:21 Message #4740797
Do I want the site to continue?

Yes, I'd be ok with that for what I use it for, though have to admit to not really supporting it very well - I dip in and out every so often.

'boring bunch of tossers' you said. That's one way of describing the people who regularly post, another way could be 'bully'. It seems quite often when someone has a different viewpoint it isn't enough to disagree, it turns into a slanging match where one person is vastly outnumbered.
It was said years ago there were cliques and bully's, maybe there were, maybe they are the ones who've survived, I don't know.

You're right how it's interesting about the titles of the two threads you started, I noticed that at the time...in reality it sums up many of the people who post on here now and highlights what this country has become over the last twenty or thirty years - selfish, arrogant, thoughtless, uncaring, lacking in empathy and compassion and above all, greedy.

Having said that, I for one quite like many of the threads you start...your wording may not be to my taste but I sense a modicum of empathy and compassion...but then, what do I know!!
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 27-May-2019 21:34 Message #4740798
What Terry said.
I dip in now and again, but don't get the sense that I have much in common with the people who are left. I don't feel welcome here anymore, with the exception of the WR. I guess that I am not the only person who feels that way.
It used to be a friendship site, but to an outsider, it is more like a mass bitch in nowadays.
Male
HotOrWot  Male  Lancashire 27-May-2019 23:07 Message #4740805
I like the site even with all its faults.
Male
Buggane  Male  the Isle of Man 28-May-2019 00:47 Message #4740814
I first joined around 15 years ago and used to dip in fairly regularly. There was usually one or two conversations going on that I found interesting and/or humourous, but overall the site appeared to be more or less dominated by a relatively small number or people. I found it boring and stopped signing in as much until I eventually stopped signing in at all.
I think the site tries to be all things to all people, friendship - dating - romance, and would probably be more successful if it concentrated on being just one thing. Just my opinion. Also, I think an instant chatroom option would be a plus.
Male
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 28-May-2019 07:46 Message #4740817
To be honest I don't think it's in our hands whether the site continues or not - the people who run this place must have a plan and that doesn't involve us. I don't think starting more threads is going to revive things, it needs proper promotion and input from the owners. They made it free, then basically walked away from it a few years ago.
I guess the site pays for itself somehow, it's not exactly full of bells and whistles and probably not very expensive to maintain - I use adblocker so don't know how many adverts appear when you access the site.

It's a shame the place is dead, but things and people have moved on - who knows, maybe there are hundreds dating away behind the scenes and the site is buzzing away from these threads.
One day we will try to log on and it won't be there any more...
Male
tumbleweed  Male  Gloucestershire 28-May-2019 08:15 Message #4740818
There certainly seems more happening away from the threads..There are often people showing in the 'whos online' page who never take part in any public forums, so they must be doing something...I was going that for a couple of years before I ever took part in my first public conversation...

So perhaps that is the way the site is...and who am I to say that it should be any different...Public conversations have their drawbacks, and people find their own levels of entertainment and enjoyment...and it seems public conversations is not really what people want anymore..

One thing that does seem strange though is Admins total lack of involvement and communicating with anyone...It is quite bizarre..I know its free and all that, but surely they still have some sort of responsibility,,,

When I contacted them a few months ago, I had to track them down to the ukcentric contact number, wasn't able to speak to Gordon, but asked the American sounding gentleman if he could pass a message to him, which he did...Gordon then sorted the licence out...but didn't communicate with either myself, or a general addition to a thread like he would have done a few years ago..or as far as I know, he didn't even communicate with the helpers..although only the helpers would be able to confirm that...If he did, then the helpers didn't communicate anything with us about it...

Anyway it all seems very odd behaviour...and hardly something to attract anyone in...but the options seem to be that we take it or leave it...Many seem to be leaving it...

Some days I enjoy posting...even if nobody reads my posts...but there are a few people still, who appreciate any posts that any poster posts ( too many posts in that bit )...so if it makes at least one person react in some way, a good way hopefully, then that is something at least.
Male
persona_non_grata  Male  North London 28-May-2019 08:24 Message #4740819
Gordon should hand the site over to you tumbleweed. You could give it a boost and it would also keep you out of trouble lol.
Male
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 28-May-2019 08:30 Message #4740820
Like I say, I don't believe the owners keep this place open and run it at a loss for the sake of us few, presumably making it free brought more traffic to the site and they get paid for adverts on that basis.
It would be interesting to see how many hits this site gets each day, it doesn't seem to be promoted anywhere obvious.
There is much less admin when the site is free so I suppose they can leave it to it's own devices. I notice when someone swears on a thread their post stays where it is, years ago it was zapped in seconds...
Female
Anitaheart  Female  Norfolk County 28-May-2019 10:01 Message #4740821
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting... Unlike me ever before I used to think that finding the right one was about the man having a list of certain qualities.
If he has them, we would be compatible and happy, Sort of a check mark system that was a complete failure, but I found out that a healthy relationship isn't so much about sense of humor or intelligence or attractive, It's about avoiding partners with harmful traits and personality types and then it's about being with a good person.
A good person on his own, and a good person with you, where the space between you feels uncomplicated and happy.
So a good relationship is where things just work, they work because, whatever the list of qualities, whatever the reason, you happen to be really, really good together, so as for me i choose to let the site continue and until i come across my better half, but if you are fake, I promise i will figure that out myself and then block you off...

Anita!
Female
Gilpin  Female  Middlesex 28-May-2019 10:41 Message #4740823
I think this site is not bad at all. Certainly one of the most civilized I've come across. Some are pretty confrontational, ending up in bun fights and off topic personal life experiences, insults, outside of what the discussion posted Not for me. I'd sooner have reasoned discussion.
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 28-May-2019 11:14 Message #4740824
I like this site, but I do think it could do with a bit more life, one of the things I've noticed is how difficult it is to start a non-political thread and have it stay that way. I've noticed people here are as tribal and polarised as they are in the outside world, just because we disagree about somethings dosen't mean we can't agree on others, a disagreement on one topic needn't spill out onto nastiness on other topics. As more people have left the site the trolls and those who just love to spoil things for others stand out more.
Male
barney  Male  Surrey 28-May-2019 13:11 Message #4740829
Anita seems to like it here.

Male
warmundeft  Male  Wrexham 28-May-2019 14:24 Message #4740830
Reckon Hierophant has a good point - agree that continuation seems unlikely to be in our hands and as long it is paying someone (whoever) then it'll continue in this desultory manner. Now there's a worthy suggestion p-n-g: Tumbleweed for King !

As for introductions, well there are five messages stagnating in my Outgoing Messages, three unopened and two 'awaiting reply' after I responded to peeps seen in 'Who's Looking' - ah well, some folks need to take things at their own pace. Here's hoping things are buzzing for some.

On the topic of 'friendship' there are more folks on here that I'd be happy to share a drink and a chinwag with; and some that I'd rather just wave at across a crowded room.

Conversational manners ? Cliques, bullies & trolls ? One of the easiest coping methods is to refuse to engage - wonder why conversations just seem to die . . . ? Having said that, as has been said to me on here before and as Gilpin points out, MSE fora may well be less adversarial than on other sites. Guess the old WW1 saw applies: "If you know of a better 'ole ... go to it."
Male
tumbleweed  Male  Gloucestershire 28-May-2019 19:55 Message #4740850
Serious or piss take, I don't think I would be suitable material for CEO of MSE...

I'd be hidden away more than the current lot, if that's possible, laughing me sock off at anyone raising this kind of thread..

It'd be a crazy game...
Female
RoseyCheeks  Female  Nottinghamshire 28-May-2019 20:08 Message #4740851
Click to the meetup section, no upcoming meets, that's the real problem and only resolved by people actively arranging events. Admin aren't going to do it for us. The site is what we make it.
Male
brisinger  Male  Lancashire 28-May-2019 20:28 Message #4740856
Would I use it as a dating site? No.
It's become too political in nature for my liking and it's one of the things that has stopped me from posting a lot. There's far too much bemoaning goes on. To be honest some of the stuff that's posted would put me off for life. It's a bit of jack of all trades and master of none type of site.

It hides any kind and considerate nature I have. For instance, I have a spare ticket to see Russell Maliphant's Silent Lines at The Lyric tomorrow and have offered it up for free to any who want it on another site. However, after being lambasted for daring to say that I like ballet and contemporary dance on here I just shrank away and more or less left. Even men have emotions you know...well some of us. Now I just add the odd post. Also some people think you have an ulterior motive. Have I got my head in the clouds in thinking that asking someone of the opposite gender whether they would like to join you does not necessarily constitute a date? Can you not just be thoughtful? The Meets disappeared because so few were supporting them and so did the people with them. Those of us that did run them and go to them have forged friendships off-site and meet up regularly anyway. What's been left is essentially a black hole of a select few and not enough to make the forums an issue as far as Gordon is concerned. I still think that the biggest mistake Gordon made was to split the site into too many rooms it adds to the impression of emptiness.

Yes, there's fakes posting but if they are harmless leave them be and let them join in. Acknowledge their posts. A little bit of kindness goes a long way. If they are trolls ignore them or have a joke at their expense. It's as simple as that. Look at it this way they are helping to pay for the site by posting and you are doing your public duty of keeping them occupied and out of harms way ;o)
Female
Lainiepops  Female  Hampshire 28-May-2019 23:17 Message #4740865
Do you mean the site as a whole? Or the forums part of it?

I am guessing not everyone who joins MSE is interested in forums and joining in conversations. They are just here to see if there might be a suitable partner or whatever they are looking for.

I havent visited as much this time around as I used to when I first joined (o gotta be 8 year ago now!), and only pop in if I get a message, or see if anyone has posted anything interesting

wouldn't it be nice to know the site is working as it supposed to be, as a well run dating site?
Otherwise maybe change the name to Midsummer forums instead, if it's what people tend to sign in for.
Male
persona_non_grata  Male  North London 28-May-2019 23:29 Message #4740867
It’s only the political threads that are unfriendly and these are also the ones attracting trolls, fakes, etc. so it’s good to see threads started on other subjects. I particularly like the threads less controversial subjects such as dating, holidays and being left handed!

I do think a lot more chatting goes on behind the scenes and also a bit of dating.
Female
Aely  Female  Hampshire 29-May-2019 17:59 Message #4740910
IF this site closed I would only have the computer on to check emails (about 1 interesting email arrives every week or so), look something up (how do I prune my forsythia?) or do a bit of genealogy research. Hardly worth paying the broadband fee.

So long as Judance is happy to arrange an occasional shindig in Newbury, I'm happy for the site to continue. I also appreciate the occasional bursts of conversation via my inbox.
Male
Good2BWith  Male  West Yorkshire 29-May-2019 22:27 Message #4740936
You've brought the demise of this Forum upon yourselves.

You've formed an exclusive ring of self-congratulatory introverts and reject anybody who doesn't bend the knee to your reactionary opinions.
You readily turn to personal abuse and name-calling to avoid facing up to evidence supported opinions which are contrary to your own cosy, out-dated , ill or non -informed gossip.
Male
tumbleweed  Male  Gloucestershire 29-May-2019 23:01 Message #4740938
Ah...and you're trying to get it all back to a site to be proud of again...it all makes sense now..
Male
Good2BWith  Male  West Yorkshire 30-May-2019 08:38 Message #4740951
I've been a member for a long time.
During that time I've seen these discussion pages turned from an interesting, wide-ranging, well-informed active Forum into the sorry cess-pit of a mess it is now.
That's been achieved by a very small cabal of gossip-mongers, name callers and calumny manufacturers.
Like children in their playground, round and round the vacuous comments fly in your fact-hating group.
Gawd 'elp anyone who tries to voice an opinion that's even slightly out of kilter with the strange view of reality you've all signed up to.
Abuse, insults, homophobic slurs are your (plural) only responses to anything which challenges your warped world of make believe.

Every day there are reports in the MSM of our young ppl being subjected to Cyber-bullying by sociopathic others. Some of you may even have had a child or grandchild who has been a victim of such criminal and destructive behaviour.
And the next second you exhibit, or fail to challenge, that very behaviour. Attitudes and actions that now typify far too many posts on this sad outpost of mainly isolated and lonely bigots.
Female
RAACH84  Female  Buckinghamshire 30-May-2019 08:40 Message #4740952
I've been on the site a number of years and have met a few guys and a couple of ladies too. I've chatted to numerous members from all over the country. It is definitely quieter than it was but that seems to be the same on all sites as the youngsters use their phones for their social media sites and the old style dating and friendship sites consist mostly of the older generation. Older as in over 40!
It is a shame some posters are hell bent on stirring things up with arguments and insults and without the politics on this site it would certainly leave the forum free for more chatting and maybe a bit of fun too.

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