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First Date...

Who should pay?

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Nigel_In_Devon  Male  Devon 25-Nov-2018 09:13 Message #4729372
Link to follow.

Who do you think should pay on the first date / meet?

My upbringing led me to think the man should pay but there seems to be a lot of opinion behind splitting the bill. What are your thoughts?
Nigel_In_Devon  Male  Devon 25-Nov-2018 09:13 Message #4729373
Andromeda  Female  Berkshire 25-Nov-2018 09:18 Message #4729375
In my experience the man has usually offered to pay and turned down offers from me to contribute.
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 25-Nov-2018 09:40 Message #4729379
Well as it was always the man that did the asking, then it followed that it was his treat and he picked up the bill. However, you could argue in these modern days of equality there isn't the "stigma" attached to a woman asking a man out, therefore she could/should pay. But then does she pay half or the full amount?
To my mind, it's just another complication that has been added to the modern minefield of dating - no doubt some women will expect the man to pay the lot and will think he's a misogynist if he doesn't, some will feel offended if he refuses to let her pay at least half and will think the man then wants "the power" and is a misogynist.
Better not to date I think...
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire 25-Nov-2018 09:46 Message #4729380
Whenever i have been on a date (i must admit few and far between these days lol) the man has usually paid. But then i would offer to buy him a coffee if we had a meal.
AndyMacG  Male  the West Midlands 25-Nov-2018 10:59 Message #4729390
Whenever i have been on a date i insist on paying but if the person i'm with says she wants to pay half then i'm not one to argue, well, not for long anyway ;-)
I think Hiero has a valid point and i to believe this is how it should be … If the guy does the asking then takes the lady on a date then he picks up the bill, In these modern time and if the lady wishes to contribute then she should be allowed to, no argument :)

This is something that has been discussed many times before and no doubt will be discussed many more times in the future. :)

Andy Mac
RoseyCheeks  Female  Nottinghamshire 25-Nov-2018 11:28 Message #4729394
I'll only let a man pay if it's clear there'll be a second date when I will return the favour. Otherwise I'd insist on going halves so there's no sense of obligation to do it again lol
Brian12  Male  Greater Manchester 25-Nov-2018 16:52 Message #4729449
nellieredshoes  Female  West Yorkshire 25-Nov-2018 17:22 Message #4729450
I think traditionally it was considered ‘fast’ for a woman to ask a man out and men generally earned a lot more than women. It made sense in those days that a man would pay. Now although there is still a gender pay gap many women are much equal financially.
Personally I have always been lucky enough to have a good enough income to be able to offer to pay my own way. Also I’ve always been very independent, some would say bloody minded, and see absolutely no reason why if I expected equality in other aspects of my life I should expect a man to pay for my entertainment.
eurostar  Female  Merseyside 25-Nov-2018 18:25 Message #4729460
go halves...………..but men will insist on paying then whinge if they don't get a second date...……….ffs. if the lady says she.ll go halves be nice and say ok...…….
HonestBob  Male  the Central region 25-Nov-2018 18:40 Message #4729462
I believe in 50/50... equality! I don't subscribe to the whole idea that a man Must do the asking, the paying and women just turn up and are entitled to a free meal/what ever. I fully understand why it was common, when women weren't paid the same, but now in a time of equal pay, I think it's time women stood up and took equal responsibility.

Now, if I met the perfect woman, and I asked her out and she turned me down, not because she wasn't interested, but because she couldn't afford a £3 cup of coffee... it would be a great shame, and I would not let a woman of high quality pass me by, for the price of a coffee.

Recently a similar story came across my desk so to speak. A man started a new job, after months of unemployment, a lovely woman caught his eye, and he hers, she asked him out. Now in my opinion, for a woman to step fourth and approach a man, and ask him out... she must really have liked him. He had to say no to her! Not because he didn't like her, but because he couldn't afford to take her out, as he was in dire straights. The work place, now has a uncomfortable feeling for both. Again such a shame.

It really is a terrible time.

I do like the above mentioned, if it's a first date, and no chance of a second 50/50, and if it's a first with the notion of a second, men pay first, women get the next one. Although I wouldn't like to be in that one, I do think it's a step in the right direction.
HonestBob  Male  the Central region 25-Nov-2018 18:43 Message #4729463
"Now although there is still a gender pay gap many women are much equal financially."

Is there a pay gap?

I won't argue men EARN more, but I will refute that they get paid more for the exact same job.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 25-Nov-2018 18:59 Message #4729470
I always offer to go half, but wouldn't argue too much if it is a first date. If not, more than happy to pay the next time. Even in this day and age, some blokes get a bit shirty if the woman wants to pay half.
I wouldn't normally go for a meal if it is the first time met though. Usually a drink or a coffee to see how we get on.
Heck, what am I talking about. Haven't dated for years. lol

Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 25-Nov-2018 19:14 Message #4729478
Good grief I just read the article that Nigel refers to - you can tell it's from the BBC news website, talk about making something so trivial into something massive.
This is some of the stuff the 27 year old woman writer says about paying on the first date...

"Expectations around women's appearances and behaviour have material and personal costs. Women's physical appearances are held to impossibly high standards and a routine subject of ridicule everywhere from the entertainment industry to The White House.
We are expected to be calmer, more attentive, understanding, flexible, and accommodating than men in every area of our lives - in family, work, relationships, and friendships. Meeting these norms is costly - materially and emotionally."

She goes on and on like that and yet is no clearer at the end than us lot on who should pay. All that waffle over deciding who pays for a glass of prosecco...
AndyMacG  Male  the West Midlands 25-Nov-2018 19:31 Message #4729479
"She goes on and on like that and yet is no clearer at the end than us lot on who should pay. All that waffle over deciding who pays for a glass of prosecco..."

Jesus, the second glass could be a minefield then ;-) lol

Andy Mac
A_man_called_CHIOG  Male  South East London 25-Nov-2018 22:08 Message #4729485
Within my social group it is usual for everyone to pay their own way or contribute equally regardless of gender.
TheSarcasticOne  Male  Essex 26-Nov-2018 00:56 Message #4729492
Pay gap, I am lucky that I work for a company that has no pay gap.

Back on topic, I always pay the bill but say that she can pay the tip which normally works in preventing an argument.

If I am out with my social group, the men pay. We are all in the same situations financially so there is never an argument.
RoseyCheeks  Female  Nottinghamshire 27-Nov-2018 07:50 Message #4729584
Minnie "Haven't dated for years"

No... nor have I, it's funny how there's no argument about you paying once it's become regular!
RoseyCheeks  Female  Nottinghamshire 27-Nov-2018 07:52 Message #4729585
HonestBob that's a real shame. Walks together and eating their packed lunches in the park would be free.
RAACH84  Female  Buckinghamshire 27-Nov-2018 08:08 Message #4729588
The guy has usually paid when I've dated. I always offer to contribute when I can and if I'm invited somewhere very expensive I turn down the offer in favour of somewhere less expensive.
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 27-Nov-2018 08:19 Message #4729589
It seems the simple answer is, whoever does the asking, does the paying...
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire 27-Nov-2018 09:00 Message #4729592
I think the best thing to do is to go dutch then the guy can pay for the drinks. Ha ha
HonestBob  Male  the Central region 27-Nov-2018 10:40 Message #4729596
"HonestBob that's a real shame. Walks together and eating their packed lunches in the park would be free."

Yes it is a shame. I've said before on here, I would find nothing more attractive if a woman said to me, "I don't have any spare cash to go on dates, but if you bring the ingredients for your favourite meal, I will cook it for you!" Obviously not idea if the woman in question can't cook, but if she can, what great way to show off her housewife skills, and how she can look after a man/kids.

Is there a similar thing for men who don't have, or just will not spend money on wining and dining a woman?

I'd say do the same (if he can cook) but it seems women really want to see a man flex his financial muscles, in a swanky restaurant or over priced wine bar.

I notice, not one person above is saying women should pay!

Why is that idea completely unthinkable?
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 27-Nov-2018 13:23 Message #4729604
All I can think about now is flexing muscles, financial or any other kind. phew.

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