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Off-putting!

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Male
A_man_called_CHIOG  Male  South East London 7-Feb-2017 07:30 Message #4676647
What puts you off when reading a profile on here?

I find it's not so much what is written but often how it is written. I read one this morning, not on this site, which read "If you dont have a picture go away you obviously have something to hide" which I found very judgemental and defying all logic.

"Please dont contact me unless you have a picture" would convey the message in a more acceptable way in my eyes.
Male
Argonaut  Male  Lancashire 7-Feb-2017 08:10 Message #4676655
Weren't you being a little judgemental in your reaction?


Surely, any response to a profile (or anything else) is being judgemental.

I don't read many profiles these days as a prelude to instigating a friendship as I just seem to be pawing over old ground but I will read a profile is someone communicates with me, or if a person's Post peeks my attention.



Jason.
Male
A_man_called_CHIOG  Male  South East London 7-Feb-2017 08:20 Message #4676657
A little pedantic but yes a profile is written to allow others to make judgements. The example I read was in my opinion being judgemental on a group of people without reading their profiles.
I always read a profile if i might be interested or if I am contacted as that is how it is supposed to work.
Female
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 7-Feb-2017 08:39 Message #4676661
Yes, if the content isn't very welcoming, I wouldn't write to them.
Female
BunnyGirl  Female  Buckinghamshire 7-Feb-2017 09:23 Message #4676672
You cannot know someone by a message. I find it hard to message people on a day to day basis as i cannot
express myself probably and more than not they read something that is totally wrong ha ha.

As recently that happened that what had happened to me they got the wrong end of the stick.

Next time i shall want to meet that person after a couple of messages not waiting to meet them and just keep
messaging back and forwards for a couple of months. In the end we never did meet.
Male
TheCommonTit  Male  Avon 7-Feb-2017 09:23 Message #4676673
I hate to read when people state how intelligent they are. It sounds so false and comes across as if they're bigging themselves up in order to hide deep seated insecurities.

"I am a highly educated and independent woman"

Arghhh!

Yes yea. Please don't tell me how intelligent you are. I'll work that out for myself thanks.
Male
fosy  Male  Leicestershire 7-Feb-2017 11:12 Message #4676686
"If you dont have a picture go away you obviously have something to hide"

maybe, in their experience, when they have been contacted by a "silhouette", its been by a player/scammer etc ?
i think its their prerogative and they are trying to sort the wheat from the chaff at an early stage, after all dont we all have our own filters, such as age range, non smoker, distance etc ?
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 7-Feb-2017 11:22 Message #4676687
Eye boggling back ground colour puts me off, some of them are so bad I cannot actually see the text against the background colour to read it.

I agree with what someone else said about photo's, mind you you need to do an image search to make sure the photo on the profile isn't a model or actor. Although if someone wrote to me and said they don't have a picture on public pages but are happy to send them via PM due to it causing difficulties with their jobs, I'd be ok with it.

Mostly the things that put me off are things some one enjoys that I have no interest in, like cycling or theatre, if someone's put those on their profile then its obviously important to them and something they'd like a partner to share them with and that ain't going to be me.
Male
Wry  Male  Buckinghamshire 7-Feb-2017 11:30 Message #4676688
Not a thread about golf then? Anyway, two things that usually put me off are:

1. women who have ticked the dating box but only seem to want a person to accompany them on trips and holidays.

2. women wanting to be "friends first". Ok, these women might not want to be rushed into anything, and that's fine, but a friend is not the same as a prospective partner.


N.B. If a woman wants to be my friend, then I'm thinking of reasons NOT to be attracted to her, and I would expect to be free to tell her about other women that I might be interested in.
Female
Blue-Poppy  Female  East Yorkshire 7-Feb-2017 13:14 Message #4676705
what puts me (and many others) off is the dreaded word 'tactile'. Oh God forbid, I'd run a mile.
Male
TheCommonTit  Male  Avon 7-Feb-2017 15:02 Message #4676709
I agree with Wry on his number 2 point. When I read 'friends first' it reeks of game player to me.

When a geezer chats to a woman he either sees them as a friend or potential partner. It's a totally different mind set when you chat.

There are men out there who do treat woman they fancy as friends in the hope of getting them into bed. These guys are known as 'low T guys' or 'beta guys' or nice guys' and often look as creep as hell.

These guys are often seen at anti Trump rallies.
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 7-Feb-2017 18:48 Message #4676724
Are they Tit, I suppose you have personal experience of this?

If you see women as either a potential partner or as a friend then that could explain why there are so many single people? Also lots of people meet their partners through friends so being friends with someone widens your social network making it more likely that you'll meet someone. Does it have to be a case of being on your own or having friends, isn't that just a bit short sighted?
Female
Bewildered  Female  Norfolk 7-Feb-2017 18:52 Message #4676726
I rarely read profiles and mainly contact/am contacted because of contributions on the threads.
This site is better than than the fish shop that used to look in on, as very few question why no pic, or decline to reply because of now pic. Obviously the point come up at some point if
continue to chat. At which point I would offer to send a pic.

People still pre judge profiles with no pic.
Thats why I dont even have a profile about me.

I have been lucky to still chat with and meet guys from here and also receive a few Valentine Cards over the years.

So profile content , pic is not that impotant in my eyes. Its how you get on,
Female
Andromeda  Female  Berkshire 7-Feb-2017 23:03 Message #4676772
You can't read a profile without forming some opinions so of course it makes a difference what is written. If you are interested in someone then you would be interested in what they write about themselves.
I don't see why stating you are looking for friendship first triggers any warnings.

Male
Wry  Male  Buckinghamshire 7-Feb-2017 23:33 Message #4676778
I could explain, Andromeda, but you don't read my messages.
Female
wholelottakaren  Female  Lincolnshire 8-Feb-2017 00:35 Message #4676783
Well my experience of ticking dates on sites has proved totally disastrous. I wont bore you with details so now i tick friendship because that allows me to converse with people without pressure. If I meet somebody as a friend and there is chemistry then we can take it further. Easier all round than meeting as a date and finding there is no attraction.

why should you view somebody differently because they say they are interested in friendship primarily? That sends a message to me about you. i would happily chat to or meet a man who has ticked friendship. This is not the Argos catalogue
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 8-Feb-2017 09:09 Message #4676801
You're right Karen this isn't the argos catalogue, but so many people act like sites like this are, they seem to find a face and a few other bits they like and expect a relationship to be delivered, all set up and ready to go like they're plugging in a new tv.

I'd love someone to explain why friends first puts men off.
Male
londonlee  Male  Buckinghamshire 8-Feb-2017 09:35 Message #4676802
Quite so wonderoushen. I have friendship on my profile and find it perfectly logical.
When meeting someone you dont know from the internet it's usually more of a meet than a date and who would want to meet a second time or have a date with someone unsuitable for friendship.
All the obsession with 'sparks' has always put me off. It can and does happen but I have also met people who are good company and who have remained friends. Not feeling a spark does does not mean you can't enjoy their wit, their intellect or just their company.
Male
Wry  Male  Buckinghamshire 8-Feb-2017 09:48 Message #4676805
Actually I have already explained why asking to be friends first puts me off. I have found that many women do not understand it, and refuse to understand it. I believe the difference is because men and women approach the issue of attraction differently. Remember that a woman can get turned on if she believes sex may happen. A man HAS to be turned on for sex to happen. I'm generalising here, of course, but for men an attraction is often immediate and physical from the start, whereas women may take longer and base their attraction on other factors such as personality and prospects.

I don't want to disappoint a woman who's thinking that an intimate relationship with me at some point in the future might be desirable if I already know I won't fancy her. In that situation, being friends first is fine, but I know that friends is all we will ever be.

On the other hand if I do fancy a woman, and she wants to be friends first, then I could either pretend not to fancy her, which is dishonest, or look for reasons not to fancy her.

As I said earlier, I wouldn't want to rush anybody who's unsure and unwilling, but being friends means being out together, not going out together. It's not a date, no kissing or hugging (except platonically). No exclusivity - as friends can look elsewhere for, and possibly discuss details of, other possible romantic partners.

In short a friend is not someone you might get around to sleeping with once they've passed your tests and if you happen to be in the right mood.

I have now explained in more detail why women asking to be friends first puts me off. I have found that many women do not understand this, and refuse to understand it. Men and women are different! Who knew, eh?
Male
Coronto  Male  Devon 8-Feb-2017 09:52 Message #4676806
I only ever chose wimmin with a bag on their head.

I let her take it off to give me a nodding dog.
Female
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd 8-Feb-2017 10:00 Message #4676808
So are you saying that if you can't move straight onto a sexual relationship you're not interested? Wouldn't a period of "courting" be acceptable? I've had friends I've had sex with, sex is simply one of the things I do with that friend in the way I might go to art galleries with another. There are some men I find physically attractive, but I wouldn't want to keep, sometimes I've been known to shag them and sometimes not, I don' think men and women are that much different, but society judges women differently. There will be lots of people who will think I'm a terrible person for having sex outside of a "relationship", look at the fuss when any friends with benefits threads are started. Unfortunately many still negatively judge a woman who likes sex, if you act like a "man" then you're seen as tarnished, some men will say they're "gentlemen" and wouldn't treat a "lady" like that.
Male
londonlee  Male  Buckinghamshire 8-Feb-2017 11:37 Message #4676827
Wry. I have read your post and can't make head nor tail of your logic or see anything in it I agree with.
I even checked to make sure I wasn't a woman lol.
Female
Santalina  Female  Hampshire 8-Feb-2017 12:03 Message #4676835
Well I am one of the ones who has friends on her profile. Ten years ago I probably would have ticked dating. So I think the age group you're in has a lot to do with it. And experience of dodgy dates.

I cannot see how friends equates to game playing. Except perhaps if after being "friends" for a while, a conversation needs to be had as to what you're both looking for. Because one might be hoping for something more and the other may or may not but without communicating about it neither would ever know.

As BP has said. The word "tactile" on a profile would put me off immediately. Nothing wrong with being honest though.
Male
Wry  Male  Buckinghamshire 8-Feb-2017 12:13 Message #4676836
Courting is not being friends, and is fine with me. I've also said I wouldn't rush someone twice now. Santalina's "friends" in inverted commas also works because it's not the same as friends. For me honesty means being literal. It confuses some people.
Female
RAACH84  Female  Buckinghamshire 8-Feb-2017 16:24 Message #4676847
Friends is a good option on a profile. You meet as friends and if romance happens that is good and if you stay just friends that is good too.
You are not stating lifetime ambitions just what you are initially looking for.

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