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Kids or no kids?

When is a kid not a kid?

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Mikejon  Male  Lincolnshire 3-Feb-2017 21:30 Message #4676090
I have noted that the answer to: 'Have children?' on the profile questionnaire leads to many folk stating 'no kids' but in the narrative they declare offspring have left home. This is so misleading. If the children are living at home, this is a factor affecting outside would-be partners and even if not, they are legally an entity where a will might be concerned. It is certainly misleading where two people are looking for single or spinsters/batchelors, widowed/widower persons. The majority of ladies with MSE appear to have had children- a perfectly natural progression through life but any children seem to disappear into the background and careful scrutiny of the profile may or may not reveal the presence (actual or away from home). I admit this really applies to those that have embarked on a second life and the question of loneliness is questionable if the purpose of looking for a partner is the alleviation of this scourge.
wholelottakaren  Female  Lincolnshire 3-Feb-2017 22:35 Message #4676102
I am confused. If kids have left home wha t is the issue? and whats all this about legal entities and wills ?

Any bloke started talking to me like that I'd be running for the hills and making sure the weedkiller was well locked away
PollyValentiniusPoppy  Female  Worcestershire 3-Feb-2017 22:47 Message #4676106
I assume you're saying that would-be suitors should be aware from the outset if they will be the sole beneficiary of your estate or whether there's competition from existing children.

Yeah, right!

Polly Pankhurst
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 3-Feb-2017 23:17 Message #4676110
I would never ever, under any circumstances, not even a snowball's chance in hell, let a man anywhere near my money. Kids or no kids.

Bloody hell, that's killed my minimal dating chances on here absolutely stone dead. Mind you, mikejon might have set a precedent on that score.
PollyValentiniusPoppy  Female  Worcestershire 3-Feb-2017 23:29 Message #4676112
I think this could well be the oddest thread I've ever seen on MSE, Minxie, and that's saying something!

Think I'll get meself one of them blow-up bloke dolls instead!

Wry  Male  Norfolk 3-Feb-2017 23:37 Message #4676113
In a thoroughly well-meaning attempt to make this thread even worse, can I point out that suitors need to know if there may be absent children potentially available to look after you and them during the terminal toothless, dementia and incontinence phase. Have a great weekend, everybody!
leogirl  Female  Essex 4-Feb-2017 01:34 Message #4676115
Minnie the Minx.

I so agree with you Minnie.

My ex re-married some 25 years ago .
I would have thought that he had the sense to make a will so that at
least some of his estate would pass to the children ( now 44 and 46 )should he die.
He died last year without any will, life insurance or provisions for his children . NO OTHER OFFSPRING OF 2ND MARRIAGE.
Son and daughter are not inheriting even some personal belongings of their late father . I find it irresponsible. lack of forethought and sad.
My son and daughter have been brought up to respect and help their father`s 2nd wife so why so little respect in return?

I am killing dating chances ? I don`t think so - I simply would not date anyone who thought differently.

Argonaut  Male  Lancashire 4-Feb-2017 07:34 Message #4676120
I believe that profiles are made out (or should be made out) as an advert for one's self to attract a potential friend/mate - I do not believe they should be a CV or an autobiography.

If a person has children living at home, whatever their age, then that could be an encumbrance for many as that person would have their time, and interests, curtailed by the other occupants, it also indicates the possibility of a lack of privacy for the development of the relationship.

For the same reasons, pets could also fit into the same category as children - they could be regarded as an encumbrance to a relationship.

If a suitor is concerned about disposable income - i.e Will this potentially be a relationship on a shoestring, or not? - then kids living at home, or not, is no indicator either as many parents often support their children financially on occasions irrespective of where they live.

As for whether a relationship turns out to be an until death us do part one then that's something that should be discussed between the two parties prior to consolidating their long-term commitment.

As for me, I haven't made out a will yet. I haven't heard form either of my two lads for about ten years now but if I die intestate then they'd get what little I have but if I had a long-term partner then I would make out a suitable will so that in the event of my death she wouldn't be left high and dry and, hopefully, she would have the integrity to allow my two lads to acquire some personal possessions should they ask for any and, in the event of her death subsequent to mine, any estate would be divided pro rata between our dependants.

itsnotme  Female  Tyne and Wear 4-Feb-2017 08:12 Message #4676123
The post kinda reminds me of the ones who used to cease contact once they found out I wasn't sitting on a huge insurance payout (or indeed any insurance payout). I'm sooo pleased I've taken myself out of the dating pool.
londonlee  Male  Buckinghamshire 4-Feb-2017 08:17 Message #4676124
I dont understand the OPs train of thought at all. If a prospective date has kids living at home it might encroach on our time together or, in some cases, prevent spending nights together but other than that it would be of little interest.Maybe I'm lucky as I like kids and spending time with them and I have spent numerous occasions witha date plus child and in more recent years even a date plus grandchild.Zoos, model villages and many sporting activities are fun with kids around.

I think some put they have no children on their profile as their children have grown up, moved away and leading independent lives and they are merely indicating they have to children (particularly small children) living with them.

To me a profile is a brief snippet of casual and general imformation to give some impression of what you are about. Learning and discovering more about someone is part of the fun in dating and compatibility cannot be found by comparing profiles.

I dont believe anyone's will or finances have ever crossed my mind and I have never been aware of anyone I have dated thinking that way either.
Probably something that will come up when you decide to get married, share a house or commitments together.

Unless finances are minimal and the provisions of dying intestate suit your needs then writing a will is just commonsense.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 4-Feb-2017 08:21 Message #4676125
Good lord, is that for real, itsnotme?

Did they have plans to bump you off?

I now know why I am undateable. It's not that I am old and chubby. It's because I have no money.

This thread and the replies has so made me giggle.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 4-Feb-2017 08:22 Message #4676126
Good lord, is that for real, itsnotme?

Did they have plans to bump you off?

I now know why I am undateable. It's not that I am old and chubby. It's because I have no money.

This thread and the replies has so made me giggle.
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia 4-Feb-2017 08:31 Message #4676128
Ahh but you cynical ladies, maybe the OP is looking at it from the other angle.
The ladies kids suddenly appear when his money is up for grabs...
itsnotme  Female  Tyne and Wear 4-Feb-2017 08:33 Message #4676129
Minnie ... Yes and probably! and you're probably not as far from the truth as you think on your third sentence.
I'd be willing to share my debts, though :D

Comments from both sexes that I was 'lucky' that he died because I wouldn't have to worry about money any more. The assumption that we're all 'merry widows' with not a care in the world is pretty common.

Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 4-Feb-2017 08:39 Message #4676131
I wonder why there are merry widows, but gay divorcees?
joolsy  Female  Essex 4-Feb-2017 09:12 Message #4676133
Wow this is funny thread .. It's made me think ... I didn't realise guys thought about money when looking for a date ... My money's mine as there's is there's .. I could never be a kept women and I wouldn't want a man living off me ... Many yrs ago I dated a millionaire called bill .. He was a lovely man ... I remember we were going to his sisters wedding and he said to me ... Take my American Express card and buy what ever you like for the wedding ... I was so taken back and blinking cross .. I told him to stick his American Express card up his arse .. I can buy my own things .. I felt like a hooker .. I dumped him .. My friend sue said Jools are you mad ... I would have bought Harvey nicks up .. That's not me ... I'm independent and woint rely on any man for money
jennifer  Female  Gloucestershire 4-Feb-2017 09:29 Message #4676136
Well said, jools!
Wry  Male  Norfolk 4-Feb-2017 09:44 Message #4676145
I'm with Bill (he's paying).
Eschifer  Female  Cheshire 4-Feb-2017 12:09 Message #4676161
I don't think mentioning a Will so early on the OPs thread was a brilliant idea and maybe he didn't mean it the way it came across as the end of the thread he states "I admit this really applies to those that have embarked on a second life and the question of loneliness is questionable if the purpose of looking for a partner is the alleviation of this scourge."

I took it as meaning he really wanted people to mention children, whether they are teenagers or if they have left home and in the their 40s etc.

To be honest, some people don't cut the apron strings, some children do return to the family home for whatever reason and that can cause stress in a relationship.

Some children, no matter how old they are can cause a real problem in a relationship.

If the OP has previously come across older children in a relationship that have become a problem and have not liked him entering their mothers life then he is going to be wary of it happening again.

So if he is lonely and wants an someone of his age without children, then that should be stated on profiles.

Mentioning Wills is not a good idea!

Maybe I'm wrong but that's how I read it.
tsunamiwarrior  Male  Hertfordshire 4-Feb-2017 13:53 Message #4676179
If I put on my profile I have two children it doesn't give enough information for anyone to make a judgement as to my situation. They could be toddlers, teenagers, almost middle aged, male or female, living with me, living with an ex. I might have seen them last week or not seen them for twenty years. They could be fostered or adopted. The list goes on. As with any information on a profile a lot can depend how the question is asked, how we interpret the question, how revealing we want the public information and how literate we are.
coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 4-Feb-2017 17:24 Message #4676204
If you have children and say so there is no option as to if said children are adults, live with you etc. So if adult maybe people sometimes just tick no children.

On a more serious note, anyone, particularly women, who have young/teenagers living with them need to be very careful of advertising the fact on dating sites. It is not just scammers that use this medium for nefarious reasons.

I do agree that the original post is rather...odd.
sandy_sw  Female  Devon 4-Feb-2017 18:19 Message #4676205
I agree with coffeelover, I ticked 'no children' as mine are in their 20's. If I was chatting to someone, then I would mention this.

I find it quite disturbing that many profiles have pictures of young children. Surely a safety issue? Whilst I think 'most' people viewing profiles are decent human beings, it's the
minority (hopefully) that have an unhealthy interest in children.
coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 4-Feb-2017 18:57 Message #4676210
Yes Sandy, women have been groomed precisely for the purpose of gaining contact with their children.

On dating site,I am not alleging on here .
johnlock  Male  Essex 5-Feb-2017 09:58 Message #4676252
I have my kid living with me but he is 21. It doesn't really matter to me as I'm apparently undateable anyway!

capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire 5-Feb-2017 11:20 Message #4676278
im getting more confused the longer this fred gets,lol

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