Conversation Dating and Relationships
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Not enough choice?

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A_man_called_CHIOG  Male  South East London 14-Nov-2016 07:25 Message #4665552
I'm told by my older friends that when they went to a dance, pub or club they would usually find no more than a dozen single girls looking to date and nearly always partnered up with one of these even if only for the one occasion.
Now they are online and have many thousands of girls to choose from including their photos and profiles but find it more difficult to date one. How does that make sense?
Argonaut  Male  Lancashire 14-Nov-2016 08:37 Message #4665563
It makes perfect sense to me.

It's a case of "Limited Choice" or "Too Much Choice".

With the former comes limited information so half the intrigue was finding out about the other person presenting yourself as-is and taking them in the same vein.

The alternative is worrying about how to project yourself and knowing possibly too much about the choices available.

Sometimes, when I go on a small job I take a limited tool kit with me and if I come up against an unexpected problem then I have to make do with what I have to hand - other times, when I have my full tool kit I am spoilt for choice.

Pixalated  Male  East Anglia 14-Nov-2016 08:51 Message #4665566
Now 'we' check boxes lol
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 14-Nov-2016 09:20 Message #4665568
I agree with Pixalated to a degree, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack on the internet. Just finding someone not too far away, around the right age, good company, gentlemanly, and not after just a one night stand seems to be almost impossible.
Mind you, I have to be honest that I haven't used a proper dating site for years. I found it all a bit soul destroying last time around.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 14-Nov-2016 09:23 Message #4665570
oh, I forgot to state the obvious, that when us folks went out in the real world for dates, we were a lot younger, and I bet almost all of us were slimmer, fitter and better looking. Even old fogeys don't seem to want another old fogey. In their minds, they still believe that they will pick up a fit 25 year old. Perhaps that's just me being cynical. : - )
OnlineMSE  Male  Essex 14-Nov-2016 09:27 Message #4665572
Amancalled_CHIOG 14-Nov-2016 07:25
How does that make sense?

Because the online matches can be "www" , as per the label, world, or at least country, wide.
So the pool of matches isn't going to be that different than your older friends at the pub or club, in fact it might be worse as very few, if any, will be in your local area.
Jefferson  Male  Surrey 14-Nov-2016 10:15 Message #4665579
I don't think quantity comes into it. There could be 1000 available people looking for a date, but in reality we are all just looking for just 1 person.
So whilst 'spoilt for choice' can be applied, I don't believe it should be.
Using any dating medium is merely an extension of 'going down the pub' but with a far larger bar and more customers. And also none of the pressure of trying to find an opportunity to initiate a conversation whilst balancing the consumption of beer/wine whatever.
Yes, there will be a greater proportion of people not in your local area, but if they were, then you would probably have bumped into them already right?
It's just a tool, and like any tool you have to use it with caution. There are 'odd' women out there too, it's not just me!
And that is the beauty of an online dating site, you can take your time, with no pressure, to really find out about someone.
SomeONE, not someMANY.
Go fishing with a rod and a hook, not a stick of dynamite...
...errr...what was the question again? I seem to have dribbled on...
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire 14-Nov-2016 10:36 Message #4665582
hi choig

like internet shopping , you get to look and touch the real thing in real life, :)
RAACH84  Female  Buckinghamshire 14-Nov-2016 12:50 Message #4665615
Maybe profiles create more difficulties and take away any spontaneity or mystery. If I see a nice looking guy across the room I don't wonder what his starsign is or try to calculate if his height is a half inch under or if he might be a year older than my preferences.
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire 14-Nov-2016 16:59 Message #4665650
Aquarius and my name is Ralph
Now I like a woman who loves her freedom
And I like a woman who can hold her own
And if you fit that description, baby, come with me Take my hand, come with me, baby, to Love Land
RoseyCheeks  Female  Nottinghamshire 14-Nov-2016 18:19 Message #4665659
I think we're ignoring the immense power of alcohol here.
Minnie-the-Minx  Female  Hertfordshire 14-Nov-2016 19:18 Message #4665672
lol Are you sure about that? Enough people seem to come on here and post whilst they are bevvied up.
The_Snow_Covered_Fool  Male  Cheshire 14-Nov-2016 20:46 Message #4665681
" Now 'we' check boxes lol "

Every time I try that Pixalated I get a slap across the mush !

JustLyn  Female  Cheshire 16-Nov-2016 20:54 Message #4666012
Hi Jefferson,

I get where you are coming from but I have another angle on Internet "dating", and I think Internet dating involves more pressure not less.

The reason?

If someone is going down to the pub or any social event, when you meet someone it is unlikely both parties have gone wit the direct intention of eyeing an individual up and down as a possible "the one". Ok, some mentalities might do, but most just rub shoulders with strangers and something happens and a conversation is stuck up by chance.

In Internet dating, there appears to be an assumption that "I will know him/her when I see her" and meet one to one with the pressure of are they "it" or not. The pressure here is, are they tall enough, petite enough, blonde enough, smoke, don't smoke, shoes right, talk right etc etc. Not that many meet to date and see each other again if pre set expectations are not met.

In my experience I have insisted on not "dating" so I have been extremely fortunate to meet men who were happy to pass the time with me without me being "the one" so I didn't have to have the right eyes, the right height etc etc. In my view, this seems to have panned out that only the non-judgemental men have been prepared to spend time with me, since I have been honest with myself knowing not "ready" to be in a relationship. There has been a couple not listened, one insisting I was deceptive in some way.

The positive side to my experience is I did "somemany", made a lot of friends, and out of the many came the one. (If that makes any sense).

capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire 16-Nov-2016 21:49 Message #4666015
excellent lyn :)
Jefferson  Male  Surrey 17-Nov-2016 01:08 Message #4666025
Yes, I understand, and can totally see where you are coming from with that Justlyn.
It's a good point you make, and very practical.
What I was referring to was the practice of mailing 100 members with the hopes of eliciting a certain amount of replies just to get a date. You know, playing the 'numbers' game. My concept was that I'd only send a message to one person as it would need to be personal and sincere, not some kind of lottery.
coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 17-Nov-2016 07:18 Message #4666031
Getting fed up with minimal responses, not helping my self-esteem! I recently added the following to my profile on a dating site -

Below is my original profile however I thought that I would add some further reality :-
I am a well educated, BA/MA, intelligent, well presented, independent woman of 57 ... I enjoy the finer things in life and am always open to challenge. However, the reality is I dye my hair to cover the looming grey, I go to fat club, not all my teeth are my own and I can no longer do arduous beach walks without having several stops at local hostilarlies in order to keep my joints supple, OK that's a slight exaggeration, however on that note I find that I can no longer participate in the sofa aerobics of my youth, (far too cramped space)... Despite the normal age related changes, I am passionate being lively and active in mind and body.
If you are interested in meeting a real person get in touch.

I did a couple of comments stating it was humerous, it didn't however generate any more dates ...
vanman  Male  Cambridgeshire 17-Nov-2016 07:50 Message #4666032
coffeelover ...

"not all my teeth are my own"

Who's are they then ??

coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 17-Nov-2016 08:02 Message #4666035
Ha ha. Obviously I meant not the originals... trust you to point that out!, geez what an image it conquers.
Jefferson  Male  Surrey 17-Nov-2016 08:32 Message #4666042
I must be a bit dense but I'm still having difficulty figuring out what 'sofa aerobics' is/are?
Apart from that it looks like a perfectly good and well crafted profile.
And now after the last comment the teeth are creeping into the picture also.
coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 17-Nov-2016 08:34 Message #4666046
...did you never get hot and saucy on the sofa ?
coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 17-Nov-2016 08:35 Message #4666048
I have to say my full and original prose followed which is more serious.
coffeelover  Female  Norfolk 17-Nov-2016 08:37 Message #4666049
Profile even...
Jefferson  Male  Surrey 17-Nov-2016 08:37 Message #4666050
I see
Now I'm embarrassed.
capnblackbeard  Male  Hertfordshire 17-Nov-2016 08:40 Message #4666051
yes cl, it was piri piri sauce ;)

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