Usmiech (45) from Norfolk

Hibernating in Hideaway in Hampshire seeks playmate to make dull life more interesting...

Don't get strung out by the way I look,
Don't judge a book by its cover,
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover...

(Not that I am a transvestite, oh no, those are not my dresses...hmmm...ummm...no, I'm storing them for my sister... ;o) )

Hi, and a very warm welcome to the world according to Robiko.........which may, or may not be the reality of the situation, but hey, it's my world, my rules... ;o)

Oki, a little about me: ex-international jewel thief, cattle rustler and mercenary (the hours never suited me), now living the life of Riley (hope he doesn't find out) in deepest darkest Hampshire...

Likes: films, photography, music, 'Amelie', strawberry ice-cream, travel, sushi, dry empty roads, Beatrice Dalle, the smell of newly mown grass, Polish Jaffastrawblackraspberry-cakes, Smirnoff Ice, having more money in my account than I thought...YAY!, skiing, Anna-Marie Jopek, extremes of weather, flying...especially somewhere nice, Salsa, Roger Waters 'Amused To Death', being woken up with a mug of tea...with milk...for all you Johnny Foreigners out there God made cows so the English could have milk in their tea...obvious really, getting flirty text messages, Chess, Dave Matthews Band, my Scorpio Cosworth (Usmiech), surprise kisses...although any kiss is a surprise these days, candles, Terry Pratchett, ice-cold water, languages, Jay & Silent Bob, sitting on the beach at sun-rise, being 147 but looking 33, Monty Python...with spam...and chips...

Dislikes: liver, my car not starting in the morning, my flight being delayed\cancelled, boy\girl bands, warm milk, Big Brother\reality TV shows...in fact TV in general, not knowing what kind of music to play, having less money in my account than I thought...which is usual, raining whilst I'm driving, my boss in a bad mood, being stuck behind a car going at 10mph under the speed limit, radio...I want to hear music, not some over-paid idiot enjoy telling me this weekend he's going to sunny LA to meet film-stars...whilst here I have to work...and it's raining...it's always raining...

Only 41 years on the clock, yeah quite low, could have yourself a bargain there, previous owners...four, all little old ladies, so barely used...he's a good runner, plenty of years left in him yet...the sense of humour comes as standard, as does the intelligence and wit...the childish fun mixed with adult seriousness was fitted as an optional extra, well worth it in my opinion...he has a bit of damage here and there, some dents, chips and scratches in the bodywork, but the engine is still sound, good for another forty years I'd say, and he's quite economical to run, you'll get plenty of laughs per mile out of this one...interested? Would you like to put down a deposit¹? [¹unfortunately due to the ongoing credit crunch only deposits of 99% or more can be accepted. All loans underwritten by the Royal Bank of Robiko (courtesy of the British taxpayer). See reverse for T&C].

If you want to fight me for my peanut M&M's then leave me a message...unless you're Mike Tyson...or some-one else equally big...

Well I was looking for a woman,
About five foot six,
Who ain't into glamour,
She's just into kicks,
Just a sweet fashion lady,
Stepping dynamite,
Who's gonna take me for granted,
In the heat of the night...

Due to the the amount of e-mail I am getting I am sorry to say that I will no longer be replying to the following:

Aliens (of any kind, while I am sure you're very beautiful on the inside my Mother would still be perturbed at having a seven tentacled daughter in law)
Fish (you look nice, but you must admit you are a problem to date)
People who drive a Rover Metro 1.1 (come on you can't be serious)
Teddy bears (see fish)
Axe wielding homicidal maniacs (I suspect the future's red, not orange)
Giraffes (I find long necks attractive, but you're taking the biscuit)
Scammers (I don't have any money)
Truck drivers from Belgrade (see scammers)
Beautiful 25 year old Russian girls named Natalya (see scammers)
Cages full of chattering monkeys (so you can type Shakespeare, that don't impress me much, come back and see me when you can play guitar...oh you can? ...and piano too? Impressive...but still no...)
Dead people (see aliens...minus the tentacles)
People who say about Monty Python "He's good, I really like him" (is that so? And I suppose you also ask "Which one's Pink?")
The driver of the BMW who badly cut me up last night on the M25 (in fact no, please write to me, oh please do so I can tell you what I really think about you...)
Nicole Kidman (stop pestering me woman)
Penguins (chocolate isn't good for my figure)
Werewolves (not likely to be taking a romantic moonlit stroll are we?)
Any-one with a concentration span less than a small goldfish...(you know who you are...;o) )

Apologies for being so strict...