luke999 (48) from East Anglia

About me

Firstly, this is a very long profile, so if you ain't up to it, leave now!...

Very laid back, down to earth & prejudice free. Fluctuating mental age 14-40, 178cm, 78kg, full head of hair but close shaved at No.1. with liberal applications of Just for Men. Plenty of neuronal activity, honest, considerate, thoughtful & sensitive. Eternal optimist, glass half full (pour me another) with mental stamina, patience & a very level consistent mood. Extremely easygoing nature, balanced by an equally assertive & decisive side, without being selfish or (inappropriately) dominant. Stereotypically gemini! Wry sense of humour, especially when ethanol-enhanced. 7 yrs of marriage training & 8 yrs of batchelor rehabilitation. No rogue DNA.yet.

A romantic at heart, seeking my soulmate, who must be first & foremost a FRIEND. Unashamedly in touch with feminine side (tho 99.9% hetero). Affectionate, tactile & erotic, tho' may be shy initially. Love cats & dogs & have a range of hobbies, not all mainstream. Genuine naturist as a lifestyle not a hobby. Not sporty but not couch spud either. Can walk to the moon, enjoy town/country walks, drives/picnix, cycling, camping & bunker-hunting. In common with my sperm, I'm an excellent underwater swimmer (minus SCUBA gear), so any coaching on flotation technique is welcome. Enjoy most of the the usual: bars/clubs, cinema, even shopping! (really, I DO!) Meals out (simple not posh) takeouts & DVD with bottle (or 2) of screw-top wine. Not veggie but not red meat fan. Prefer GM food with loadsa E-additives, that organic rubbish doesn't fool me. Don't do drugs (except ethanol) & intolerant of a partner using anything more than occasional cannabis. Wear tie-dye shirts all year, & shorts/sandals (without sox!) in summer.

Formerly an NHS paramedic manager, now full time stoodent, part-time paramedic, & Big Issue seller, & loving every moment! And for any mercenaries, yes, I'm relatively solvent, with my own cycle, but have very little income so cannot offer financial security & you will have to buy the McD's! Current ambition is to be a perpetual student. Meanwhile, back on planet earth... Immediate goals are to get educated, get fit, and meet my soulmate! After 2 years living in Halls, I currently share a nice house with equally mad people.

Of course, I have absolutely no problems meeting people (psychi units are busy places) and I've NEVER done this sort of thing before but my friend (I only have one) MADE me do it. You see, my hectic life & charismatic attraction seems to frighten people off. Actually, I'm a desperate, lonely, sad geek & this is the only way I can find an endless stream of people equally gullible without wearing 2 paper bags myself. Please note that my listed biological age is no longer subject to VAT @ 17.5%. Looking for someone who wants to change me, & doesn't like me for who I am.

Diverse talents include wiring plugs, egg fertilising, and microwave cooking. Will exchange for double creases, fish fingers every meal & faked orgasms. Most important in my life are my 5 adorable lice, but I'm not looking for a mother for them as they already have 3 different ones. I don't enjoy bungee jumping but naked mud wrestling & skydiving is ok when not working out at the gym (which is 100% of the time) I would live life to the full if I understood what the hell that clich means. A passionate traveller, I have visited many exotic planets & most pubs in Norwich, but may have to curtail this as saving my social benefits for very necessary organ enlargement surgery. Like nothing more than to feel the wind in my hair while steering my sleek red tricycle to the rail station to spend a sunday trainspotting. No prosthetics but plenty of gaps where they should be.

Hey, you've chanced upon a REAL profile, thank you for your patience, you are half-way thru' now, go get a cup of tea & a sedative.

About you

This is a shopping experience isn't it? well here goes then...

Quite open minded on this (the spec has been shot to bits too many times now) No firm preconceptions about 'type' of person. Surely, the ONLY thing that matters is 'do we get on?' Personality preferred over appearance, intelligence over education. Background, race, religion, physical challenges or occupation are irrelevant. Mindset suits moderate gender-natural age gap, making 22-35 range the most likely to be a successful match, tho' emotional age is really the key...

I don't care what your drinking habits are, as long as you don't hang around the mall with a bottle of cider in a brown paper bag, but anyone who says they NEVER drink is highly suspect! I'm seeking a serious relationship, not a pen pal. Conversely, I don't do casual sex or one-night stands. Sharing, total mutual trust, openness & mature communication are vital to deep & enduring relationships (& yes, I really DO believe that!).

I especially don't do shallow/superficial, insensitive, rude or arrogant people, or anyone who hasn't read my profile in context. Absence of a sense of humour is particularly unattractive. Dislike injustice, intolerance, aggression/violence, football, fishing & the colour brown. Sun readers & other spesh needs accommodated. Not keen on large tatoos (piercings are ok), excessive cosmetics, or any body hair below the waist (moustache & nipple hair is ok). Drawn to short or very short hair of any colour, & find tomboyz or androgenous characters appealing.

You don't have to be perfectly height/weight proportionate but if you've difficulty navigating doorways then perleeez don't bother. Fat can be nice but BMI >30 is a major health issue, its nothing to do with shallowness (not interested in weight, shape or measurements). If you think I will be interested in the dimensions of your thorax then sorry, you are not for me. Likewise, I'm a passive smoker, so if you're a tobacco addict in denial, or don't ever intend changing, even with loving support, then go self harm with someone else (steps off box...) in case this is still not clear: NO TOBACCO ADDICTS WHO ARE NOT PREPARED TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE TOGETHER THANK YOU!

No strong feelings on children, who are of course, part of the complete package, but your parents are NOT included. Aesthetics aren't at all high in my priorities, but are inevitably a factor in the overall chemistry. So I will seek early receipt of grainy images in exchange for which I promise to find photo's more recent than the 20yr old ones on my profile. (Ok, I have to clarify, they aren't really 20yrs old, doh)

If you've the literacy skills & fortitude to read thus far, then u are definitely THE woman of my dreams. I don't take myself too seriously so please treat this profile the same, yes, I'm fussy, but always open to negotiation. Few of my likes are exclusive.

PS sorry but a lot of people are wasting their time, so at the risk of repeating I'll clarify... It's futile to contact me if you: are a man, are a career smoker, lack a SOH, have a BMI>30, are emotionally over 37yrs, only want a penpal, only want sex, don't want ANY sex, claim your scanner is broken, have an undiagnosed personality disorder, or are not sure about any of these. Also, if you find any of the above arrogant then you fail to qualify on grounds of SOH failure & should go look up the word 'irony'. Finally... on a serious note, I am committed to 2 more years at one skool only, and have limited capacity for travel. If this still doesn't deter you, then I'd LOVE to hear from ya...

luke999 is 48 years old and lives in East Anglia. He is single with no children. He's 5' 10" tall and of average build. He's a non-smoker, who drinks occasionally. He is looking for dating and romance, friendship, hobbies and activities.

Level: 9 Membership level: 9/10