Enigma Code (52) from Buckinghamshire

So, you want to know about me then! Well, like many others, I don’t like writing about myself but as we have to do a dating CV then here goes…

I have a body made for radio, a look that could kill at a 1000 paces, a voice to reach across a football field and a sense of humour that has been honed and blackened by living and working in Liverpool for 25 years!

I love watching thunderstorms – well the lightning anyway, I also people watch, do a bit of tantrum throwing, duck racing and other expensive adult pursuits.

I’m into exercise, I love rowing machines, I can leave the oars where they are and can drift for hours, and on the exercise bike I can pedal hands free and read my Woman's Weekly at the same time!

However, for you athletic types (yeh!)I swim and gym several times a week... sometimes both at the same time if I get carried away! I'm in training now for my next skydive which is for cancer research at the end of july... so I'm practicing jumping off stools and plan to build my way up to the 14,000ft where I get pushed out by a handsome young man strapped to my back.

I meet all the criteria to be a “Grumpy Old Woman” and I’m proud of it… kids of today eh!

I love music – especially classical, I go to concerts and the theatre on my own regularly, however, its nicer to go with someone.

I work in the healthcare sector but that’s all you need to know for now… oh and before you ask, I got rid of my nurses uniform a few years ago so don’t even go there OK?

I’m pragmatic honest, blunt at times and a realist. I have a cheeky irreverant sense of humour (see scouse) which has been known to offend but I'm too old to care any more! :-) If you have a dream you should go and explore it before it gets too late and you live to regret it.

This is like writing a job description....

I want a man who's made some sort of success with his life. He has to scrub up well - I value smartness and preferably no facial hair - only because I have sensitive skin and I don’t want to look like a scrawped beetroot every time I kiss them! I value manners and good spelling so no text speak otherwise I'll not bother communicating... I love a sense of humour - to laugh with someone is nearly as good as sex!

If you are under the age of 30… please… don’t involve me in your fantasies about older women… I’ve done my toyboy stint and I’ve found you young uns just can’t take the pace!

So, what don’t I like in other people… I suppose this is the “do not apply” list

Liars
Cheats
Married men
Those who say they are romantic but forget what it is after the first date!
Poor men (had 2 of those who bled me dry )
Obsessives
Those who have fast cars but small willies
Smokers (I’m an ex smoker who can’t stand the smell!)

This list could go on a bit so I’ll stop there…

Previous applicants need not apply... a probationary period will take place before you will be considered to be a suitable applicant.

Only apply if you consider yourself perfect!

Job applications must be in by the end of the week with a prompt start expected.

Uniforms arn't mandatory but might be considered in the right environments....

Hard hats and kevlar vests are expected to be worn at the "wrong time of the month" however rigger boots are optional although other smart steel toe-capped shoes are recommended.

No payment will be given for this post although there are regular bonus's for the right applicant.

Luncheon vouchers will be available every Sunday and travel expenses only available for pedal cycles only.

This is not a pensionable post although if you have one to transfer over, all contributions will be welcomed!

Please be aware you do have to complete the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act but note that ex-offenders may not be considered suitable applicants.


I expect my inbox to be the same as the Carlsberg complaint room… not exactly filled with responses but hey… one day someone may be daft enough to get in touch… If I’m not in when you do please just stick your message under the magnet attached to my fridge door and I’ll get back to you when I’ve found it..

If you have a pulse, own teeth and a good sense of humour then please apply.