dilbirt (51) from Cornwall

I'm a bit of a go get'er. After leaving college I joined MI5 in their most secret operations department and it was here that I learned to speak Russian and wrote my first classical novel in Greek.

By the age of 21 I was leading the peace negotiations which led to the end of the cold war, and discovered the hole in the ozone layer.

In 1982 I spent 3 months in the Falklands prior to the Argentine invasion dressed as a sheep, and my contribution to the war effort was rewarded with my own island in the West Indies.

I then spent three years living with the Arapacho Indians in North America and started the first Arapacho / Latin language translation service. It was for these services to Latin that I was appointed special envoy to Pope John Paul II.

Finding a cure for yellow fever clashed with the publication of my first science book, which was a breakthrough text which explained the Female Menopause from a scientific perspective for the first time. This led to my OBE and honoury lifetime presidential membership of the Women's Institute.

In between teaching Steve Redgrave to row and Fatima Whitbread to shave, I launched my first integrated fitness video which was based on my qualification as a surf instructor, olympic ski champion and pioneering aerobic teacher.

"Skeet Surf Workout" is a available from WH Smiths price 14.85.

I had a bit of a breakdown following the award of the Nobel Peace Prize, and only managed to cure the common cold that year, however I'm not too disappointed in one year of under achievement.

Launching the world wide web brought me back on track, and for leisure I built my own shopping village.

These days I take things a little easier and in between denying operations overseas with the SAS I dabble with oil exploration in space and still pursue my music career with my mate Justin Timberlake.

Projects for this year include the opening of "Ashurbanipal Land", a theme park in Iraq and a working model of Tony Blair selling like hot cakes.(Bonsia. "Little Bush")

A Bond Babe who stays the distance. Could yu be Moneypenny? I'd settle for Angelina Joline at a pinch.