Austin    (55) from Co. Wicklow

Hi. I would like to meet a kind, sincere, honest lady
(well some of the time lol), to share the enjoyments and sorrows life throws our way.
OK' THATS THE END OF THE NICE STUFF THAT YOU READ IN ALL THE PROFILES ON ALL THE SITES IN ALL THE WORLD, SO I AM GOING TO BE HONEST
WHAT I REALLY WANT IS A WOMAN WHO CAN BEHAVE LIKE A LADY IN THE DRAWING ROOM ,
WHO CAN COOK LIKE A CHEF IN THE KITCHEN.
AND WHO BEHAVES LIKE "A YOU KNOW WHAT"IN THE NEST

She must also have the sense of humour of a lunatic and the bank balance of a MILLIONAIRESS to go with it.
If you are reading this for the first time ,please sit down , fasten your seat belt, grab a large scotch ask any grand children , children, or your parents if they are over 80 to leave the room,

IF THEY ARE NOT OVER EIGHTY YOU SHOULD NOT BE READING THIS. Cheers
For a while now I have been updating the Various parts of this missive so as to keep the ladies of the world updated on the antics of my favourite person me my self.
So if there appears to be a lack of order to the updates please excuse me as I cant remember which order the miss spellings and typos appear in and when they were submitted for the scrutiny of our erstwhile censor Leslie or what ever name he is calling himself this week(hehehe its like doing your weekend essay when you were at school) This is the start of my update for 2005 and to-days date is 15Th July .Things are changing here in the emerald isle the Celtic tiger has returned and there is enough cash floating around this country to re-float the gondola (the gondola sank in the middle of mad passionate love making with an Italian soprano while on a canal in Venice a most unfortunate incident) and repair any broken hearts which were cracked along the way during the last 12 months misadventure and frolics I was going to put a B instead of an f in the front of frolics but I felt it to be UN gentlemanly ( besides which the Censor would not have printed it) .OK its 1.24 am and time to hit the clubs(the night one that is) so I will get back to this in the morning IF I AM UNLUCKY IN MY ENDEAVORS .
September 2003 WARNING (This is the start of the updated version of my idea's please do not adjust your screen or keyboard PEOPLE WITH FALSE TEETH SHOULD TAKE THEM OUT NOW, AS BITTING THE UPPER LIP CAN SOME TIMES HURT.)
OK it is time to change my first date preference. I have decided that coffee is not on and like ''sex in the city'' it is dated. neither is a walk on the beach holding hands....... no.... but a good old fashioned kiss followed by serious eye gazing (to check reaction to kiss) followed by a walk on the beach by my-self considering how am I going to GET TO SECOND BASE or do the following.
Make wild passionate love on a gondola in Venice while playing the French horn in Kathmandu, wow what a blower!!!!
Well it beats "dinner in a nice restaurant or a cup of coffee and a stroll on the beach holding hands" and getting sand between your toes .But I do love the beach.

April 2004(you gotta read all of it to understand my madness.)
Does any one have a towel?
The darn gondola sank when I was making my last move with a wild Italian girl and I don't know how to re float it. It is just like my love life its heading for the bottom of the canal. Does any one have any ideas how to re float it?
Please do not suggest canalic irrigation. lol

UPDATE ON LIFE JULY 2004
Well I sold the site in Wexford the coastal erosion down there is getting very bad and the tide was coming in the front door and the crabs and seals were wanting to move in with me (so much for my success on dating sites, they too must have read my profile)).So I decided to move lock stock and sinking Gondola to County Kildare which is away from the coast but nearer to Dublin our beloved capital city.
Ah Dublin the hot spot of Irish Fun and Frolics.
The only capital city in the world with a Stainless Steel Spike over 300 ft high. It was put up to Celebrate the advent of the 21st Century and to bring down low flying aircraft. The spike was unveiled or opened by our Prime Minister just so he could say that he was no longer the biggest pr*#k in Ireland. What a waste of money and space .Art my %$#@! Huh.

So I am going to build a love Palace and fill it full of delicious mature women, oh and a sprightly sprinkle of not so mature ones as well. ( I wish)
So if you feel like applying for a position in the household please forward your cv's soon, as all the beds sorry I mean positions will be taken up very quickly.
An interest in Horses, Strong Drink, and Se......x will be a prerequisite for gaining a position (pertinent positions can be found in the Kama Sutra)
Should you find any of the above to be distasteful please forward your complaints to the Complaints Department and I will vet them thoroughly and with feeling and they will be dealt with in the manner they deserve.

So that’s the update for the moment.
PS If you are in Italy later on in the year and you find an Wild Italian Woman with Seaweed in Her hair Please give her my regards. But please don't tell her where I am or where she can contact me.

July 15th Update,!!!!!!!

I have been very lucky in the replies I have received from the ladies in prime singles and below is a copy of one of the letters I received and my reply to it ,which I thought I should share.
The name of the sender has been deleted to protect her from any prosecution which may follow the printing of this letter. I was going to change my own name but could not spell "sport-eight" correctly.

The mail I received read

> I am sorry I am on the other side of the ocean. You are someone I would love to meet. If for no other reason just to see you’re almost house and to go riding with you. I too love show jumping. Good luck and if you don't get any interest from other women with this profile, all I can say is that the women on your side of the planet are crazy.
> ydniC. lol
>
My reply was.

Well what can a man say "but thank you for you very nice mingle mail".
Ah Distance is a problem, but the good news is that a guy called Wright (oh he had a brother too) invented a thingy called a plane (I think he had the same problem I had with Gondolas) and they fly (Yea just like birds)
Well I have been using these thingys "Plane's" for years and I have travelled across the big pond on many occasions. "So ladies of North America beware I am on the prowl (again) albeit with the help of the Wright Bros."

Yes, you are right; the women on this side of the planet are crazy.

My last date was from a mental home .When I called to collect the date I had to take two nurses and a straight jacket (and a pair of hand cuffs) along when we went for dinner. The Jacket was for one of the nurses who is man mad. I must say it looked very well on the nurse and was particularly fetching when she took off her uniform. The other nurse was wearing the hand cuffs to stop her from eating when she was at the table.
Wow she was a big girl and could she eat.
She ate two chairs, a table cloth and a full set of silver service cutlery and was about to eat the other nurse when the waiter stepped in and she ate him instead. (Now I really do know what Full-Figured means)

When I dropped them back to the home, the security guard on the gate who is suffering from his nerves passed out when I tried to leave them back.
When he came to he told me he worked two jobs at the home the other one was staff councillor, well said I" that explains a lot". He also bribed me not to leave em back. So I took them home with me and offloaded them elsewhere.
I received a letter last week from Alqueida in Afghanistan thanking me for the three new recruits and asking me not to send any more as they don't harbour terrorists. They are sending them back to me as soon the postal system in their county is up and running again (they are using the Irish postal system as a model for a new one . I hope to see the trio (the da 

Austin is 55 years old and lives in Co. Wicklow. He is separated with no children. He's 5' 11" tall and of cuddly build. He's a non-smoker, who drinks occasionally. He is looking for dating and romance, friendship, hobbies and activities, business contacts.

Level: 4 Trusted member: not yet! Joined on: 31-Dec-2000 Last logged in on: 23-Aug-2008 Last updated profile: 30-Dec-2007   Conversations with Austin

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