Conversations

 What are conversations?

Our conversations rooms allow members to really get to know each other by starting or participating in public discussions with each other.

 How do I read the conversations?

To read the conversations, do this:

• log in
• click "Conversations" on the main menu
• click one of the conversations rooms links
• you see a list of current conversations
• click one of the conversations
• you see the conversation, complete with photos of those who have contributed

You can sort the conversations in a room in various ways, to make it easier to find interesting conversations.

• to show the most recently started conversations, click the "Sort by newest conversations" link
• to show the conversations with the most contributions, click the "Sort by hottest topics" link
• to show the conversations that have been most recently added to, click the "Sort by latest messages" link
• if you are in a meetups conversation room, you can click "Sort by meetup date" to show the meetups in date order

 How do I participate in conversations?

To participate in the conversations, do this:

• log in
• click "Conversations" on the main menu
• click through to a conversations room
• click "Reply" on the message you would like to respond to
• fill in the message box
• click "Preview" to see how your message will look when sent
• correct spelling mistakes (if any!)
• click "Send"
• providing the message is appropriate for immediate publication, it will go online straight away
• click "Return to conversation"

If you want to start your own conversation, click the "Start a new conversation" link. New conversations are always pre-reviewed before publication, so they do not go online straight away.

 Why does my reply not appear where I thought it would in the conversation?

Where your reply appears depends on which message you replied to. If you replied to the very first message in the thread, it would appear under that message, but after all the previous replies to that message.

If you replied to a message in the middle of the thread, your reply will appear after that message and after and previous replies. This technique is called threading.

 How can I see all the conversations I have contributed to?

You can get a list of all the conversations you've taken part in. To do this:

• log in
• click "My conversations" on the main menu

 How can I see only conversations I am interested in?

You can bookmark a conversation so you can easily get back to it later, even if you haven't taken part in the conversation. To do this:

• log in
• click "Bookmark conversation" at the top-right of the conversation you want to bookmark

To see a list of your bookmarked conversations, click "My conversations" on your left-hand menu when logged in.

To remove a bookmark from a conversation, do this:

• log in
• click "My conversations" on the main menu
• click the conversation you want to un-bookmark
• click the "Remove bookmark" link at the top-right of the conversation page

 What do some of the terms people use in the conversations rooms mean?

Sometimes it can be hard to understand what people are saying in the conversations rooms, because they may use acronyms or jargon. Here is a short list of very common jargon you might see:

• forum or room or board: a collection of conversations around a certain theme or style
• thread or conversation: a conversation, a list of contributions. Many conversations make up a room or a forum.
• message or contribution or posting: a contribution to a conversation
• OP: Original Poster - a reference to the person who posted the message which started the thread
• off-topic: a contribution that does not have anything to do with the topic of the thread. Some rooms welcome off-topic contributions but in other rooms it is preferred that conversations stay on-topic
• pulled: a thread or contribution that has been removed by the moderators
• moderators or mods: staff here who oversee the conversations and remove postings the go against the guidelines
• frilly knicker: a man who sets up an account posting as a woman in order to read contributions in the women only forum - note: this is strictly against our rules
• naughty step
: fictitious place where members go when their messages are held back for review
• PM: private message - a private message between two members (see Private messaging)
• LOL: laughing out loud
• PMSL: peeing myself laughing
• ROFL: rolling on the floor laughing
• CR: Common Room - one of our most popular conversations rooms
• WR or WO: the Women's Room or Women Only - our conversations room reserved for female members
• MR or MO: the Men's Room or Men Only - our conversations room reserved for male members

If you hear people referring to Mutual Friends they could be talking about our sister site which is called Mutual Friends: conversations rooms are shared between Midsummer's Eve and Mutual Friends.

 Can I remove something I said in the conversations?

Because your contribution forms a part of the conversation, it does not make sense to remove individual contributions to the conversations after publication. So we regret we are unable to remove messages unless they go against our conversations guidelines. The same applies for threads you have started. Once you have posted to a public Internet forum, you cannot then ask for that thread to be removed as it no longer wholly belongs to you.

 I just found something I wrote in the conversations on a search engine! Why is this?

Anything you publish on the Internet in a public web site (such as this) can be picked up by search engines, and kept for all to see, pretty much forever. You should never commit anything to writing on the Internet, including this site, if you don't want your friends, your neighbours, your employer, your employees, your husbands/wives/girlfriends/boyfriends, ex-lovers, parents, grandparents, children or anybody else to see. This applies to both forum contributions, profile details, photographs and everything else you publish online.

If you don't want others to see it, don't publish it on the Internet. There is no really such thing as "private Internet publishing". If it does appear in a search engine, please don't write in asking us to remove it because we do not own the search engines and we cannot control what they index and republish. We ask all members to take responsibility for what they publish to this public web site.

 What are the rules for conversations?

We don't have any rules over the subject matter of what can be discussed. However, we do have firm rules over how subjects can be discussed. In short, all conversations must be friendly and must obey our terms and conditions. Additionally we have the following guidelines:

1. Don't be unfriendly, offensive, or potentially offensive. We welcome good arguments but not ad hominem arguments or unfriendliness. Seen something unfriendly? Tell us by clicking "Inappropriate". Don't lose your posting privileges and make yourself look silly by responding.
2. You are responsible for what you write. Nobody else can make you break the site rules, only you can decide to do this. Don't try and shift the responsibility for what you write onto another member - we're all grownups so don't jump up and down shouting "but he hit me first". The moderators aren't interested and won't get involved and will not look into the context of who said what to who first.
3. Don't get personal or write about another member in a way that may identify them, especially if you're relating a tale about how awful they are. It's not fair, and you wouldn't want other members doing it to you. "Subtly" disguising who you're writing about is not allowed either.
4. Don't be reliant on inside information or write stuff that would baffle new members.
5. Don't "troll", that is, annoy other members or deliberately try to provoke a negative reaction. This applies to trolling the site moderators as well - so don't post stuff that threatens, challenges the moderators or tests the limits of what we will allow. You'll lose your posting privileges.
6. The moderators are here to help, so please don't make our lives difficult. We don't come to your place of work and publicly challenge your decisions so please extend the same to courtesy to us. Contact the helpdesk with your complaints instead. Remember our moderators work in good faith for the best interests of the site. To accuse the moderators of double standards or of having "favourites", you should contact the helpdesk.
7. Don't present legal, technical or medical opinions stated as "fact". It could be harmful to other members and could land you in legal trouble.
8. Don't copy and paste private messages you've received. Whether or not you've received permission to do so. Also, don't be the mouthpiece for "ghost" members who've broken the rules and have been removed. You'll be banned as well.
9. Don't whine when you or your friends are banned. If posting invitation is revoked, permanently or temporarily, it's because the rules were broken. Be an adult and live with it! Posting here is by invitation only. And it is not part of the Essentials service so if you are an Essentials member (thankyou) your invitation can still be revoked without refund.
10. If you want to make a complaint about the Conversations, you must do so via the Conversations complaints form.

Different rooms are for different types of conversation - so for example in the Common Room we can expect some light-hearted banter and in the Forum the conversation is a little more serious in nature.

Please note that if you say anything unfriendly in the conversations your account may be removed without notice and you would not be entitled to any refunds.

 How are the conversations moderated?

Conversations are moderated by members with backup from staff. All new messages are scanned for obviously offensive content, and those which contain such material are held back for review prior to publication.

Messages which receive a high number of "Inappropriate" ratings from other members will be manually reviewed by the moderators and compared with the guidelines. If they break the guidelines they will be removed.

If a moderator is alerted to a message you have sent which breaks the rules, you will be stopped from posting further messages. You may be asked to provide a written statement indicating that you have read and fully understand and intend to stick to the site rules. Once such a statement is received you will be allowed to post again.

If you are asked for a statement of intent to stick to the rules but do not provide one you will not be allowed to post again.

If you provide a statement of intent to stick to the rules and are invited to post again, but then break the rules again, your invitation to post to the Conversations will be permanently revoked.

If you see somebody who has broken the site rules but is still posting, this is not because the moderators have favourites or are discriminating against you, it is because they do not know about the situation, or have already dealt with it. Alert the moderators using the "Inappropriate" link or by sending a message to us via the Conversations complaint form, quoting the message ID number of the offending message.

 Why has my contribution not been posted?

If your contribution has not been immediately posted it has been held back for reviewing by our staff. It probably contains words or phrases which are frequently used in an unfriendly context. Please wait whilst we review your contribution.

 Why do I see 'Cannot display conversation' when I click on a conversation?

There are three main reasons why you may see this message:

• You need to be logged in - some conversations can be viewed by non-members and members alike. If the conversation you have clicked on is reserved for members only, please log in to view it.
• You are the wrong sex! - we have private conversations rooms for men only and women only. You are the wrong sex - sorry!
• The conversation has been removed - occasionally we remove an entire thread if it drops below our standards for friendliness

 How do I report an excellent message?

If you find a message which is particularly insightful, informative, interesting or just extremely well written, we encourage you to rate it "Excellent". Click the "Rate: Excellent" link by the message to make your report. This will enable us to flag up particularly brilliant messages and give membership points to those who write them. You can only rate each message once, and you cannot rate your own messages.

 How do I alert a moderator about a message?

If you find a message which offends you or you think breaks our guidelines, you can alert the moderation team. Click the "Rate: Inappopriate" link by each message to make your report. If a particular message receives a large number of inappropriate report we will manually review it and take the necessary action. You can only rate each message once, and you cannot rate your own messages.

This system works well because it is a distributed system - no one person can get your postings removed, so the potential for bullying or one on one grudges is minimised.

 How can I complain about a message?

If you would like to raise a formal complaint about material you have seen in the Conversations area, please follow these instructions.

We need to ensure that all complaints are dealt with fairly and are investigated in the same way. So we have a simple process for raising, investigating and reporting back on complaints about Conversations. Here is how to raise your complaint:

Send us a note via the Conversations complaint form.

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