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MSE members

Are their own worst enemies

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mikesmiles  Male  Dorset
7-Aug-2014 22:35 Message #4503433
I 1st became a member of MSE about 2006/7 and it was flourishing, I even had a proud moment of having the biggest thread EVER. However there was always a gang of unhappy people on MSE who were more than happy to have a go at anyone for no apparent reason.
Its a shame as now what was once a vibrant place to be is all but finished. I stopped using MSE due to the negative people here and having been back on again a week-ish I've had the same old negative crap from a female member already.

MSE needs to get rid of / bar these negative people full stop ~~
mikesmiles  Male  Dorset
7-Aug-2014 22:57 Message #4503448
you have been on here a long time I think? Its all but finished now
brisinger  Male  Lancashire
7-Aug-2014 23:12 Message #4503456
"MSE needs to get rid of / bar these negative people full stop"

Now that would make it boring and there would be nobody left. There's nowt like a good old barny, it's good for the soul ;-)))
brisinger  Male  Lancashire
7-Aug-2014 23:21 Message #4503465
OP, It seems a rather negative attitude to take ;-J
Wilma  Female  South Yorkshire
8-Aug-2014 01:10 Message #4503478
Nope I am my bestest cuddliest friend :)
Magic Mike  Male  Essex
8-Aug-2014 01:13 Message #4503480
Oh my gawd, a "Newbie" thinks we are all dead ! ... Wrong !

* Mike *
[With Kevlar helmet, full body armour & deep foxhole]
Argonaut  Male  Lancashire
8-Aug-2014 06:44 Message #4503491
Now there's something I just don't understand about the OP:

In the first sentence of the first paragraph he says that "MSE was flourishing" - then, in the first sentence of the second paragraph, goes on to quantify this with: "what was once a vibrant place".

Then he says that: "there was always a gang of unhappy people on MSE who were more than happy to have a go at anyone for no apparent reason."

Now the conclusion I draw from all this is that one of the contributing factors to 'MSE flourishing' and being 'a vibrant place' must have been 'the gang of unhappy people'.

The ultimate conclusion, therefore, must be: if we follow up on the OP's suggestion of barring, or getting rid of, negative people then MSE will be 'all but finished' - and that would be negative!

LutonLady  Female  Bedfordshire
8-Aug-2014 07:10 Message #4503498
Perhaps not explained well but I don't think any long term members would entirely disagree and I have seen dozens of others post very much the same thing within threads.

When I joined the site it was flourishing, dates were plentiful and many very funny threads went on and on into the early hours with no-one wanting to go to bed. We had lots of debates and even a few arguments but they didn't have the nasty edge which some have now.

In my opinion it was the predominance of the threads which made the site in many people's eyes one of forums and debate rather than dating and romance. Although dating still goes on it is nowhere near how it used to be and a very high percentage of members shown are no longer on the site at all.

There does seem a lot more negativity on the threads these days but this probably reflects the negativity around generally.
Cisca  Female  the West Midlands
8-Aug-2014 08:34 Message #4503512
I've been a member for 9 yrs. Although I think LutonLady's description of the site as it was then is very apt, I don't agree that "We had lots of debates and even a few arguments but they didn't have the nasty edge which some have now."

On the contrary, I could list at least a dozen members that caused controversy, were highly unpopular with many and were ultimately banned from posting. For me, it wasn't them that caused the nastiness, it was those that provoked them with passive aggressiveness that took the energy from the forums. 'People' wanted an end to the arguments, and got what they wished for. Now 'people' complain that the site isn't the vibrant place it used to be! Its not Rocket Science. TV soap drama's thrive on arguments and conflict between the characters... remove those and I doubt anyone would watch them. I think its the same with MSE.

There has been a few negative threads recently bemoaning the loss of the old days and criticising management etc, and heres another one, calling for negative people to be banned/barred! How realistic would it be to have conversation/debate forums with no one contributing but 'positive' people.

I often wonder at the apparent fragility of MSE members. Not only do some seem unable to cope with others who don't share their view of the world, but want those others wiped out! Only yesterday I saw someone calling for a conversation thread to end because people were disagreeing and the heat was turned up. Thats people for you. Its what they do in conversations and debate and these are conversation forums. Not only that, people got 'scared' to post in the men's and women's rooms in case there were opposite sex lurkers and endless aggravation about the Singles Room, and site management which turned a lot of people off. (in my opinion)

I think the growth of social media sites, like Twitter and Facebook have had a massive impact on MSE membership, but unlike Greentouch, I don't think its because all the 'positive' ones have gone there. I think its because this site became so dumbed down by the members it lost its edge. That edge being those members with personality and character that made the MSE forums an interesting place.
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
8-Aug-2014 12:37 Message #4503578
What Cisca said, I certainly remember getting into a huge spat with someone shortly after I joined, I've seen potentially really interesting threads ruined by reams of C&P tennis, or the site jokers coming along and stating the bleeding obvious and making fun of the subject, which often means making fun of something the poster is finding difficult. Whats lighthearted and fun to some dreadfully superficial and boring to others.
MrQuiet  Male  Northamptonshire
8-Aug-2014 12:54 Message #4503581
I agree with most of which has been said by Luton Lady, Cisca and wonderoushen.

I have been here since 2009 and have had a number of heated arguments both on the threads and with some who have taken exception to my posts and told me so privately. Great! I don't mind either. As others have said it is the slightly fiery threads that keep everyone interested and the site vibrant.

Worse than the arguments are the snide remarks, C&P and the posters that refuse to accept a tongue-in-cheek comment and tear the writer to pieces.

The site isn't as good as it was but there are now so many other places we can go for chats and forums I imagine all dating sites are suffering.
brisinger  Male  Lancashire
8-Aug-2014 14:09 Message #4503593
On a more serious note I agree in general with the above 3. However, I think that the site became so dumbed down, not by it's members but by intervention by Admin. As a result people got bored and drifted away. There's plenty of threads I would love to start on here but after being told in no uncertain terms that we weren't allowed to be at all controversial I ceased starting threads which would be interesting albeit sometimes polarized. I don't really know why they were stopped because if they got out of hand they were just locked or removed.
Cisca  Female  the West Midlands
8-Aug-2014 15:50 Message #4503610
"I think that the site became so dumbed down, not by it's members but by intervention by Admin."

brisinger. I remember Admin's intervention, and I also remember the constant threads from members asking for just that! I can even remember saying at the time that people should 'be careful what they wished for'.

Maybe individuals were asked not to be contraversial, but I have never seen a blanket rule by Admin that said "we weren't allowed to be at all controversial"
There is nothing to stop anyone starting a thread on whatever they want. If its unacceptable it will be removed

I am tired of the Admin bashing that goes here. Members, in my opinion, have got the site that those who made enough noise wanted . The rest of us have either accepted that and stayed because we like it and want to continue to support a site whose members give in spades (in all sorts of ways) , or have moved on.
brisinger  Male  Lancashire
8-Aug-2014 17:51 Message #4503633
When people got the Sword of Damocles hung over their heads (and before you say it I wasn't one of them) for speaking some home truths it just makes you either walk away or cease posting threads that you know will wake people up from their stupor. It's just not worth the hassle. As a result one just ends up not bothering to try. At one time one could be really radical and it was accepted. One could turn topics on their heads to make people take a second look and rethink their opinions. Those were the long threads. Now one can't do that.

That's why many of us reside on here less and less. Admin got stung and didn't like it and people just walked away. People who were paying for essentials. That's the truth of it whether you like it or not. Oh how the mighty has fallen...

Cisca  Female  the West Midlands
8-Aug-2014 17:58 Message #4503634
"That's the truth of it whether you like it or not."

brisinger. I accept thats the truth of it for you. Its not the truth for me... and no doubt the actual reality is somewhere else.
We are never going to agree on this, because we both have different perceptions of the site and events that are long gone.
Would be good to have a line drawn under it.
Martin58  Male  Staffordshire
8-Aug-2014 18:23 Message #4503637
Aquarius rarely serious ? Damm !
Hierophant  Male  East Anglia
8-Aug-2014 18:45 Message #4503644
Let's face it, 8 years ago we had very little choice when it came to social media, no wonder this site was vibrant.
Things have moved on, this place is stuck in a timewarp and I would be surprised if there are as many as 50 regular contributors these days.
This site is simple to use and hardly cutting edge - I'd love to know the average age of us regular users, I think that would explain a lot...
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
8-Aug-2014 18:49 Message #4503645
I agree again with Cisca, I remember the cull that Admin had to do and I believe they did have to do it, I had got to the point where almost any thread was open to attack by people who seemed intent on hounding certain members. There seemed to be no safe place to post and nothing safe to post about, I don't find myself limited in what I post about, but then if I do say so myself, I try and not be to judgemental and word posts in a way thats going to rile people. Of course people will disagree with me and I welcome that, but what I don't welcome is personal remarks, being hounded from thread to thread, being shouted at in capital letters by people who think they've got a right to tell the rest of us what to think.
Argonaut  Male  Lancashire
8-Aug-2014 18:51 Message #4503646
I don't understand what brisinger is getting at.

I've been on this site longer than I can remember - leaving for a short spell when I married my second wife (which didn't last) - then returning.

I believe) I have always had a reputation for not holding back on controversial subjects, speaking my mind and, more often than not, shooting straight from the hip, no holds barred.#

Twice, in the early days, I incurred the wrath of Big 'G' -mainly over issues I had with certain Posters and so management put a block on us.

However, (I believe) unlike many other controversial figures that have been and gone, I didn't confine my contributions to controversy - I have started, and partaken, in all sorts of Threads - help, humour, games, general interest, etc.

Yes, there have been changes over the years, but I wouldn't like to be a Historian that had to catalogue them, as some of those changes have been quite subtle over an extended period.

I suppose it's like watching a child grow up - if you're there all the time then you don't notice the changes but if you only see them every now and then then you do see the changes.

Celt  Male  Ceredigion
8-Aug-2014 19:00 Message #4503656
I can't see how the OP can say members of MSE are there own worse enemies: what about Glyn Evans? He stole my bike in 1972, threw a stone at me in the summer of 1976 and stole my first girlfriend off me in 1978. What a twat.
johnlock  Male  Essex
8-Aug-2014 19:19 Message #4503668
I know that I spend a lot less time on here now than I used to, some of the people who I used to enjoy were banned taking some others with them. Also others have either found love somewhere or are simply looking in differant places. A few have sadly died.
I don't expect to find the love of my life on here (or anywhere else for that matter) but the entertainment value of the site has, for me, plummeted over the last couple of years.

brisinger  Male  Lancashire
8-Aug-2014 20:07 Message #4503688
If the places your friends went to are so much better, why are you not also there?

I am! I moderate on 3DPrintBoard and tend to reside mainly in ultimate reef as well as others rather than here. Quite a few of us have mainly migrated to another site (which shall remain nameless) and am on here much less. I just pop up on here from time to time but not half as much as I used to.
wonderoushen  Female  Gwynedd
9-Aug-2014 12:21 Message #4503842
Bris, saying that 'Quite a few of us have mainly migrated to another site (which shall remain nameless)...' makes it sound like theres a clique of ex MSE'rs who don't want the rest of us around, I'm sure thats not quite what you meant though?
Clocky  Female  the West Midlands
9-Aug-2014 15:15 Message #4503876
' makes it sound like theres a clique of ex MSE'rs who don't want the rest of us around,

Sigh of relief here on that front :)

I much prefer this site since some have left but really do miss those that used to debate properly showing good conduct & respect for their 'opponents'.
brisinger  Male  Lancashire
9-Aug-2014 15:25 Message #4503879
wh, you're right it didn't come out well in a post. It's not the fabled clique that pops up from time to time or any that left en masse. Just some real life friends, rather than the postage stamp ones, of mine who got disillusioned like I feel at the mo'...

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