Dating After Divorce

Divorced dating
Dating after divorce needs to be a gentle process

Dating after divorce can be a tender process: wounds may still be raw and confidence is likely to be wobbly following the trauma of a separation. Feelings of loss, loneliness or even guilt are often overwhelming at this time. The journey towards meeting a new partner can seem daunting, so we will look at a few of the considerations involved here.

When?

The first issue to consider is timing: Too soon and you may find that you do not feel ready to cope with the vulnerability and up-and-down nature of being on the dating scene; a relaxed attitude of enjoying the moment and taking things as they come will help you but may be hard to retain if you are still feeling very distressed or struggling with new-found loneliness.

Also, relationships entered into quickly without any time allowed for emotional healing can be burdened with unresolved issues or may even be entirely inappropriate ‘rebound’ relationships that cause further distress. Too late, however, and you may find yourself losing interest or the nerve to get back out there.

Don’t wait until you feel too rusty to enjoy working on your confidence or meeting new dates; no matter how tough your experiences in the past, we all have new opportunities each and every day to grow, learn and meet others who want to develop themselves with us.

How?

Before you begin to look for a date, do some activities that will build your confidence a little; have a great hair cut, facial or massage or do a confidence workshop, anything that will put a little spring in your step. Sometimes stepping way outside the box can provide you with a boost: something like participating in a charity event to climb a mountain will improve your body-confidence and fitness, lift your mood with exercise endorphins and give you a great story to tell! (And who knows, you might meet someone on the journey...)

There are lots of different ways to meet new people. Many people meet partners at work, through existing friends, while participating in hobbies or when volunteering. This may be a good avenue to start with, especially if you are feeling nervous. Ring those friends who you don’t often see and suggest a catch up or go to a social event that you might usually skip. If you make that little extra effort you could be surprised at how much you enjoy yourself.

Couple in Shadows

Family

It can help to make a point of telling people that you are on the dating scene but make sure you put a little thought into the way you want this to come across. A good approach is to mention that you are excited to be dating again and chat a little about the sort of person you are looking for. Keeping these conversations light and fun will encourage people to ask you out or make good suggestions for you.

Close family, especially siblings and children need to be approached carefully. When you start dating after divorce, children can feel anything from joyful and loving through to betrayed, jealous and hurt. They may feel your new partners are not good enough.

Give thought to each person and try to put yourself into their shoes. They may be feeling vulnerable and unsure about the future. Make sure you are honest and open if you're just trying out dating, but be clear about it if you feel your relationship is moving to a more serious level.

Where

Internet dating is hugely popular and can be a great way to create diversity in the type of people that you are meeting. The more people that you chat to or date; the more likely you are to find a good match! Great free sites such as www.midsummerseve.com can offer you a wide selection of potential dates and support via filtering services to help prevent spam or non-serious applicants.

However you choose to look for new love, never forget that you are unique and special and deserve to be respected and cared for as much as you wish to care for and cherish others.