Remember girls - it's cleavage OR legs, never both :-)

Sex appeal

This month Jo Hemmings looks at what gives a man or a woman sex appeal - and how you can get seriously sexy.

Where would we be without sex appeal? You can often find someone sexy instantly, just by looking at them or even just an image of them – but genuine sex appeal usually comes from a combination of looks, voice and humour.

But what makes one person sexy while another leaves you cold? It’s different things to different people and it isn’t necessarily the dishiest, most stylish person in the room who is sexy to you. Or the guy in the tightest trousers or the woman with the lowest cut top.

He or she will be someone who looks like they love people, love sex and will be seriously hot in bed. They will almost certainly exude at least half of the following characteristics.

  • They won’t be fixated on their looks, ensuring that every hair is in place or smothered in ‘come and get me’ scent. They will just seem to ‘have it’ and won’t need to try too hard to show it.
  • They’ll be fun. They will know what they want out of life and how to enjoy themselves. Their zest and vibrancy is infectious and they’ll make other people feel good around them.
  • They’ll be interested in you. They’ll listen to what you have to say with genuine enthusiasm and make you feel special.
  • They will be confident. They won’t be afraid to speak their mind, even if their views are controversial. They manage never to be dull but won’t display a shred of arrogance.
  • They’ll understand and use eye contact in just the right amounts. They won’t stare but will hold your eyes to make you feel wanted and special.
  • They’ll be tactile in just the right amounts. A gentle stroke of the arm or a hug and a hello kiss that brushes your cheek, not just the air. They will be genuine, warm and open. They won’t hang onto your arm like they own you.

Tips for Girls


Remember girls - it's cleavage OR legs, never both :-)

Remember the golden rule. Show your legs or your cleavage. Never both. Sex appeal owes more to mystery and the hint of expectation, that to acres of flesh spilling over and out.

Rather than dressing to disguise your body bits that you don’t like, dress to emphasise those that you do. You’ll always look sexier this way.

Think sex. Stop worrying about whether he’d be interested in the same movies as you or whether he’d get on with your friends. Just imagine what he’d be like in the sack. Your body language will soften and relax and you’ll become much sexier.

Use your make up wisely. Loading your eyes with masses of shadow, mascara and eyeliner and painting your lips red might make you look more like a pantomime dame than a sex siren. Keep your eye make up subtle, but enhance your eyes by lining them black kohl pencil. They will shine and seem much brighter. Use lip gloss too – men love it as it reminds them what else you might use your mouth for and also mimics the full, plump lips of an aroused vagina!

Wear high heels. Get used to wearing them around the house if you’re feel that you might just fall off them on a night out. They lengthen your legs, firm your calf muscles and make your bum stick out. And yes, men love rounded bums!

Think about your underwear. Even if no one is likely to see it, wearing matching, seductive underwear will make you feel sexier.

Learn to use your eyes to your best advantage. They are a seductive and powerful tool and combined with a sexy smile at just the right moment will leave your object of desire in no doubt as to what’s on your mind.

Relax about your body. Stand tall, hold your back straight and learn to walk in a sexy way. Touch your own body and feel the contours. Get intimate with yourself and enjoy. It shows that you know that you’ve got something to offer and he may just want a piece of it.

Tips for guys



Make eye contact and smile

Make sure that you are well groomed, with freshly washed hair and body and smooth just-shaved sweet smelling skin.

Wear clothes that you know that you look and feel good in.

Be a great listener. Concentrate, say the right things at the right time and ask us pertinent questions. Men who want to get to know us – as well as just ripping our clothes off – are always sexier.

Be selective. Once you’re chatting a woman up, concentrate only on her. No woman fancies a man who looks like they’d shag anyone who gave him the time of day.

Stand up straight and make eye contact. It shows confidence and that can be very sexy.

Be sincere and yourself and don’t take yourself too seriously. A touch of humorous self-deprecation is much sexier than being too serious or straight.


Be an arrogant arsehole. Nothing is less sexy than the full of himself, ‘come and get me, while I’m available’ type who struts about while working the room.

Be too quick to get from 0 – 60. Flirt, buy her a drink, make her feel good about herself but don’t actually tell her what you’d like to do to her the minute you’re alone or that she’s got great tits. Too much, too soon.

Use cheesy chat up lines.

Tell her jokes or chat about the missed penalty in that afternoon’s football match. She’s a beautiful woman you that want to bed, not one of your beer-swilling mates.

Wear your Union Jack pants. Or anything old or bought by your mother. If you do pull, we want to see some sexy jersey boxers, not a pair of old man’s yellowing frayed pants or novelty knickers.

You can get Jo's books online:

"After reading this book I think I am beginning to see the light. I always blamed myself for relationships never lasting and can now see why. My confidence is increasing in leaps and bounds and I feel able to dip my toe into the dating game once again. Thank you Jo for this book, which I shall refer to again and again --- Watch this space."

This is a great book and I can't believe the previous reviewers didn't say how funny it was. Jo Hemmings writes as if she is one of your best friends, telling you stuff you know you don't really want to be told, but realising the truth of it. It is done with so much humour and knowledge that you can't possibly take it the wrong way."

"Smart, portable and sassy, The Little Black Book is a unique and personal dating diary for today's selective single woman.